To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

[Justbreakingnow]

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

How old is your baby? sometimes it is never ending.

She's somewhere safe just upset, it won't hurt her.

Can you get out for a walk? My DS never slept in the pram but did look around at the clouds etc. I would listen to my audio book

Any mother/ baby groups locally?

You say 'we have no one' is that you and baby or you and partner? If it is you and partner when they get in from work can you get out alone for a bit?

There was a playgroup at the end of our road once a week that was run by 3 little old grannies who were all retired teachers. It was full of mums just handing over their screamy babies and sitting and crying. Have a look for local groups, and see if there's anything near you? Lots of other mums have been through this, there's almost always one at a group or in cafes who will happily hold the baby for a minute while you eat a sandwich or drink a cup of tea. It is really fucking hard, this bit.

Oh she’s fine in the pram but if we’re in the house it’s another story. Sometimes I’m tempted to put her in the garage and just carry on my day ignoring her which is horrible but my presence makes no difference.

please try cranial oesto with someone qualified in babies - BUPA paid for us to have this its a thing that the birth process can be hard on a baby.

Oh @Justbreakingnow sending a hug.

Once DP gets home, give baby to them and either go for a bath or a nap, to give yourself a break. And as PP have said, speak with your midwife or HV just to make sure there isn't something underlying this.

Hang on in there xxx

Is there a reason you don't have a single person in your life (apart from your partner I presume)? Does he have anyone?

Sending hugs - I remember doing this exact thing, except I also phoned my husband to say I was walking out the house and never coming back. Safe to say, he sped home from work and we put a plan in place to ensure my wellbeing through the hell of an incessantly screaming baby. We have no family nearby, so we paid for a nanny four hours a week - is that at all possible? Can you go back to work early? It’s shit, it’s wretched, it is so bloody unfair to be cursed with one of these horrible screaming machines - I see you and I understand how you feel.

please know it WILL get better. I can’t guarantee when, but it definitely will. I went from hating my baby and feeling full of regret for ruining our lives by bringing her into the world, to quite liking her sometimes, to absolutely adoring her (though we never had another…!!). She’s 6.5 years old now and is just the best; thinking of her now is making me smile, but there’s no way I would have believed feeling this way about her was possible back in the trenches of the screaming baby era.

Sending solidarity and hugs x

Oh, and sleep training is a BREEZE if you’ve had a screaming baby - just saying 😉

@Justbreakingnow

If I knew you I'd happily take your baby for a bit as often as you wanted. Or stay in with the baby while you go out. I'm a nanny, DBS checked etc

Do you have a neighbour you could ask?

I wouldn't need you to pay me, I'd just enjoy the baby cuddles & being able to help you out.

it's relentless when they're like that.

I didn't really enjoy those days. I told my mother I thought I'd made a dreadful mistake. She laughed and told me she felt like that. I was a late in life much longed for baby as well. Things do get better.

You're having a moment and you've done the right thing. It's really wearing at times x

It isn’t the worst mistake ever at all. You are human and you have a breaking point . I think all moms , at some point , reach it! You have put baby down safely and walked away to calm down and that’s the right thing .

I would suggest speaking to someone about how you are feeling though . Even anonymously . Maybe someone professional. I have suffered PND and it was debilitating. I didn’t get help until my baby was over 1 and I wish I had done it sooner , because it really helped ! I’m not suggesting you have PND but it’s a difficult time having a new baby and you’re not a bad parent if you struggle xx

Mine went a phase of this and it is awful. You’ve done the right thing of putting baby down for a bit. A very short term solution for me was wearing headphones and playing loud music. I could see baby, comfort, hold etc but it cut out the noise of the crying and helped my sanity.

Longer term - a GP appt, can someone come and help this weekend, let you rest and you make a plan of coping strategies?

Ok, so I know it's chilly out but this means long walks if you're feeling up to it. You listen to some nice music or an audio book. Bonus side effect = any extra baby weight disappears quicker.

I don't know where you live but we're in London and both my husband and I have a Pret coffee subscription exactly for this (there's a Pret on every corner, it seems). We do a lot of long, cold walks and get a lot of takeaway hot drinks.

I’m not totally sure whether you’re trying to hint at something or not, but I didn’t say I didn’t have a single person in my life, I said that I didn’t have anyone to call. I honestly don’t mean this to sound biting or anything but it’s a Tuesday, it’s three o clock, how many people are going to be available for a long offload and what would I do with the baby while I did?

@Sapphire387 yes but she’s had a long walk this morning and we’re going on another now. I can’t walk all day 🤣

Could it be colic? Speak to your health visitor or GP/ nurse practitioner. Whoever you can get hold of basically! And go along to baby groups. Anything to get some advice/sympathy/company.

How old is your baby? I well remember how tough it can be ☹️☹️

My mum used to tell me about the time, when we were all kids, that a neighbour turned up on the doorstep with a screaming baby and just handed her to my mum and begged her to take the baby for a half an hour. She remembers my dad zipping the baby inside his very 1970s tracksuit top until it got knackered and fell asleep.

This is a horrible stage, I really feel for you. Stepping away for 5 minutes while baby is safe is the right thing to do if you feel on edge or angry. Try and step away and take some breaths.

Obviously we don’t know your circumstances, but do you have anyone who can give you a break?

Ha yeah - fair enough! I think you're doing all you can. Keep venting to us as and when. It will pass, feels like forever but it will.

Sorry to read you're having such a hard time. I think you should take the baby to the GP. Something like reflux can cause a lot of crying and lack of sleep...I know...when DD was little she could only sleep sitting up due to pain and regurgitating. DH use to take her out in the pram between 4:30-5 am to give me a break.

It'll get better. We're all here in the meantime. I'd happily come and help if you were near me. Tuesday afternoon or not, it's worth asking around if you've got anyone who might be a maybe

reflux? How olds the baby? Honestly some babies are much harder than others- some toddlers- some children- some teens- it’s all stages. Breathe and tell yourself it passes and as long as the baby is safe take a moment to yourself.

Whereabouts in the country are you? If you have some spare cash there are agencies that can supply help very short notice.

I had a screaming baby in lockdown, all I did was walk, often twice a day in rain or shine, as it was all we could do - on the plus side I lost loads of weight but those first months felt never ending. She’s now three and an absolute delight, these days feel very long but they will end.

As others have said if you’ve ruled out anything medically wrong and they’re safe, fed and dry then it’s perfectly fine to leave them for a breather.

I dont judge you, I hear you, sympathise and empathise. My youngest was like this. Screamed for hours on end, never slept and I often felt I was losing my mind.

If you need to take a break, so long as baby is safe, do it. Do you go to baby classes or anything? I made a few good friends there, who I would then be able to call on during days like today.

Mine is 3 now and still a horrific sleeper but the relentless screaming and crying has stopped. This wont make you feel better today but it will stop.