To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

[Justbreakingnow]

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

Mine would wriggle and scream and refuse a feed unless I did this:-
white noise (I recommend sound sleeper app, rain sounds) on a phone held right up to their ear at full volume (until they’re still then slowly reduce volume, going back up if they start to stir again)
usually coupled with something to distract and make them have to fight to stay attached to boob/bottle - like firmly and repeatedly patting their bottom/wiggling a leg around/jiggling them around.

sounds utterly ridiculous I know but it really did help!

I remember one evening,when my husband was out, putting my baby into her cot and going out into the garden as I was at the end of my tether. My husband remembers how often he would come in from work and I would be waiting to hand the baby to him. It really does get easier. You are a good mum.. remember that.

Oh and as someone has said, cutting out all dairy (if breastfeeding?) or formula for lactose intolerance also helped!

does she have reflux? just a thought as being upright more def helps and would also maybe explain the lack of big feeds?
I am not a dr but my child had terrible reflux and this sounds similar

wishing you love xx

It’s just one of those wait it out things. Some people have PMd thinking she has reflux and I don’t think so, unless reflux suddenly comes on at this age which is unlikely. She wants to be on the move and she is very irritable and frustrated. A typical. Shift at home will be home her for two minutes, she starts arching her back and squirming and crying then put her on her play mat, another two minutes then crying, repeat all day.

She doesn’t feed much and she doesn’t nap much. So breaks are very few and far between. And I know it’s not forever. I’m not going back to work just yet and I don’t want to wish this time away but days with just us are somewhat miserable just at the moment.

I did this too (go to a hotel) regularly with my first who was also a screamer and non- sleeper. I also hired someone to help me look after him even though i was on mat leave. I just couldnt cope with it. I would throw money at it OP to get breaks even if you get into debt- you can pay it off later but your mental health and relationship with baby are crucial. Dc is a dream now he's older- it will end. Solidarity!

my baby was like this, I hated it. I was so miserable and wished every day I hadn’t had her. I was on the verge of calling my boss to go back to work early.
She is now almost 10 months and delightful. Still challenging, but I enjoy our days together and now am dreading going back to work. I. can hardly believe how much it’s changed.
Hang in there, the newborn days are just awful for a lot of us. I hope it improves for you soon.

Mine absolutely hated being comforted by me. Still does at 2. I often felt redundant and that I may as well leave him To be miserable alone 😂

I hear you and I understand.

Sometimes you need to put them down safely and walk away for a few minutes. It is credit to you that you were able to recognise you were at breaking point and step away.

She couldn't be thirsty, could she? Mine were sometimes, and I'd give them a teaspoonful of cold boiled water. (I was BF at the time, but at that age had begun weaning, this was over 30 years ago.)

That sounds like v hard work. I was lucky, in that my baby was relatively lazy. But i still practically hurled her at her dad when he got home. It's just really hard. But it is short term.

@roundtable has just reminded me that I used to fantasise about hotels and even on desperate nights wished i could be admitted to hospital for a week or so just so I could stay in bed and sleep.

Oh OP 😢 I can relate. I vividly remember one day after DP had gone back to work & DC1 would just not stop crying, I remember sitting on the bathroom floor & sobbing, asking myself "What have we done?!" Etc.
I also remember at least another couple of occasions where either one or both DC1 & DC2 were placed in their cots & I just had to go stand in the garden or the garage & just breathe until I could parent again.
I'm sure there are many people who won't admit it, but will have done similar.
As long as baby is somewhere safe; just take a couple of minutes to have a drink or just a breath of fresh air & compose yourself.

Things to suspect ;

reflux
teething
colic

you could try administering some calpol and see if she settles as at least you could rule out pain. Otherwise I used to always go for a walk around 3pm
as that was when my baby was the
most unsettled and needed the nap in the pram /sling.

6 months may well be teeth - though by then we were out most mornings at groups or places DD would find interesting - otherwise it was long days with grumpy board baby.

You just described my reflux baby. The back arching is a very classical silent reflux symptom.

Reflux can start at any time up to a year but it's more common earlier and reflux starting after 6months warrants a paeds referral. My daughter has had reflux from days old to 7months. Then no symptoms until 13 months then it was awful until 19months. It returned at 2y1m months until 2y6m months. She was fine until 2y10months we thought we had it under control this month at 3y5m but a cold has set is back again.

When she was getting teeth this was a massive trigger for her reflux to return due to all the saliva she was swallowing

I can massively relate. My second was pretty ok from newborn until 5/6 months. Then he stopped sleeping for more than an hour at a time. When he wasn't sleeping, he was whinging, whining and moaning non-stop. During the day time I had no-one. I tried to get out to groups, but with a toddler as well it was all a bit overwhelming.

The whole thing sent me spiraling into a deep dark pit of PND. I snapped more than once, and detested myself and him. I vaguely remember hating the same period with my first, but this was dialled up to 11. I can't tell you how long it lasted, thanks to sleep deprivation and the passage of time (he's 2 soon, so it's not even that long ago). I needed antidepressants to get through it, but it really did get better with time. Milestones helped, like eating solid food at every meal, crawling, walking, and especially sleeping for more than a few hours in one go again.

It will get better. Hopefully soon.

Has she been checked for a tongue tie ? I had a horrendous time with my second baby and it took ages for them to discover a tongue tie . I put her onto solids early ( I know I know ) and when those two things were sorted she improved a lot . I can’t tell you how mad I was when on call the midwife based in the 50s apparently it was very very common to check for this and I was cross it took ages to find out that’s why she would not feed and always hungry. Also thanks to those who suggested homestart they helped my niece . Also I know another mum who got help from her local church . Just a break means a lot .

OP I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. All your descriptions of your baby sound like a baby in pain though from my experience. Especially the back arching. It could definitely be reflux or an allergy which don't always present from birth. Poor baby and poor you

She sounds like she's going through a development leap. They eat much less and sleep less during these periods... And cry, lots!

I've often thought it must be a bit shit being a baby. So much you want to do, explore, poke & take apart ... and you can't because your legs are all bendy, your arms are so short and you can't form the sentences you need to speak!

Of course it's okay to plonk her somewhere safe and sit yourself down with a whole cup of hot tea for once.

I'm seconding all the suggestions for slings, swings, bouncers and rockers. If she enjoys being on the move, these allow her movement. It's also worth decking them out with a range of 'doing' toys, and changing them as soon as she loses interest.

Good luck. It won't last too much longer. Go have that cuppa!

My first baby was like what you describe. He turned out to be a popular successful young man with no psychological problems and we have a great relationship.
Despite me leaving him alone , safe, fed, changed for episodes of time when I needed a break. And when I say ‘needed’ I really did . Not just a break but a top up of my mental health, which actually benefitted him so much because when I went back I was much better at interacting with him. Your baby will be fine to be left for a while. I’m old and have seen lots of different parenting styles, in my experience if you’re wanting to do the right thing then you are.

You need to look after yourself because that’s the best way to look after your baby, who will be fine being left in their cot .

Also, just to say, check out all the other suggestions about reflux/ tongue tie etc. I checked out everything and there was nothing to be done with my son, so sometimes there actually isn’t anything you can do.

Absolutely check everything out, but just saying that sometimes babies just cry. And they don’t come to any harm being left for short periods .

5 minutes? My baby would cry for hours. 5hrs was his record. Taking 5 minutes will not make a drop of difference.

Oh god you remind me of how hard the first year can be! Just when you think you've nailed it it goes off again... This is totally normal. Obviously you're trying to eliminate some possible causes etc but for absolutely no identifiable reason my eldest would scream blue murder if I wasn't in the room, physically holding him and moving... right up to reception... He's 16 now and at college and I couldn't pick him up if I tried. Fortunately he's quite vocal that he doesn't need me mithering over him now. I know you can't see that far ahead, that it is overwhelming. I do remember. Sending a hug and hoping you can get a bit of a break soon xxx Keep talking and venting here. Many of us "get it" x