To think this is probably the worst mistake ever

[Justbreakingnow]

I know, it’s not forever, but does anyone enjoy this? Memories become hazy over the years and it’s easy to remember the baby days as this lovely simple time. Mine just cries and cries relentlessly. Won’t feed and won’t really interact with anything.

So I’ve just lost it. I’ve screamed and screamed and put the baby somewhere I can’t hear and I don’t care. It feels a bit like -
well, I’ve tried all day to comfort and got nowhere so is there actually any point? I’m miserable and I can’t see forwards.

How old is ur baby? I had a terrible shock to the system when nothing was easy when I had my much wanted ivf baby, I thought I'd fucked up my whole life and couldn't believe it. He was very unsettled due to reflux and then cmpi. 6 months down the line it's much easier, life is brighter and I am more me again. I felt like I'd lost all of me at the time. I also had no family help as all hundreds of miles away. I joined peanut app and met a mum friend which made a huge difference. Just to have someone to WhatsApp to vent to! Can't believe how hars it was in those early weeks and months, I felt so cheated of what I'd been promised somehow.

I think she’s just grumpy and generally discontent at the moment. Which is why she’s OK out of the house but the downside of this is it interferes with naps which perpetuates the problem. She has near enough broken me today I must admit.

Mine had reflux. He screamed a lot, partly due to that and partly because, I think, the fact he was often in pain made the world a frightening place to him and he was constantly alert to danger and fearful. Everything frightened him. Things other babies didn't even notice, would have him screaming again.

Have you been to GP/ HV to get to the bottom of this?

Oh lord op. I had a no sleeping screamer. It was so hard. I really sympathise. My dh actually checked me into a hotel (just a cheap one on the side of an a road!) a few times so I could recharge once in a while.

Practically speaking, the best thing that worked for me was a swing. I used a sling but often felt touched out. The swing meant I could put dc in it and let the swing provide the comfort. All the best op. It will get better. My baby hated being a baby I think.

@Imisscoffee2021 she is 6 months so unfortunately this doesn’t hold true! We had a golden period between 3-5 months. Since after Christmas she has frankly been horrendous, I know it’s not her fault but it is getting to me a bit now.

Do the baby likes watching a bit of TV?
Is she healthy overall ?

I had a baby just like you. The Dr stated that she had reflux, so I bought her a big bean bag and sat her up in that rather than laying her down.
It doesn't last forever. It does get easier.

Get yourself a pair of good earplugs. You'll still be able to hear her but at WAAAAY less decibels and it'll grate through you less. I used to find the crying almost painful, I was the same with my ex grinding his teeth in his sleep and it's all amplified when you're tired. Game changer for me. There's a company called Loop that have ones that look good that you can wear all day that look like jewellery from the outside. I've not tried them but the reviews look good.

If baby likes walking and being out of the house, have you tried other things out of the house?
There's a lady with twins near me, they spend hours on the bus everyday 😂 She doesn't drive, but they like the movement of the bus, plus the interaction from all the lovely elderly ladies.

It would be good for you to get out.

You have my up most sympathies.

I know it’s not ideal but will the baby relax to anything on YouTube like dancing fruit or Ms Rachael, in the night garden etc? Just for a bit of respite from the crying.

I used to drive to my husband's office and sit outside in the car with 2 screaming babies while crying my head off!
Now I enjoy him working late occasionally as I love spending time on my own with my 2 big kids.
It's hard. It will change. Your ok x x

I have a three week old and have done this a couple of times. In fact the midwife suggested I do it for those times where she’s crying but been fed, dry nappy and cuddles don’t work.

You can call your health visitor. My mum did that as she was really unwell and my brother wouldn’t stop crying. The health visitor came and talked to her with a cup of tea then said ‘right me and DB are both going off to do my rounds then I’ll bring him back in 2 hours, you go to bed and when I bring him back you’ll feel better’ off she went with my brother for a wee drive and then brought him home later. They are there to help even if it doesn’t seem like it.

@Justbreakingnow could she be teething?

It is horrendous to hear your baby screaming🌺

I had to have mine in a baby Bjorn for quite a long time as I couldn't put him down or he would start screaming - have you tried that? It makes a difference just having your hands. Sometimes when you've tried everything putting them down in a safe place, closing the door and getting yourself a cup of tea, sitting and drinking it (not dashing), then when you've collected yourself a bit returning to your LO. You should find that - you've decompressed a bit, possibly they've dozed off to sleep.

Have you started weaning yet? Might she be hungry? Also, it's not a solution to your problem, but wearing ear plugs helps, you'll still hear her - it just takes the edge off which helps. Good luck - you're doing fine, it will get better.

I hear you op

honestart are a good recommendation (see post further up)

I loved mine but I found the baby stage relentless and boring - I made sure we had stuff to do - baby massage, baby signing, bounce and rhyme, story time - and lots of long walks

advantage was making friends with other mums in the same boat and then being able to lean on each other.

it will pass - but you need to find support for the times you are breaking

Try home start for some support.

I'd also rule out reflux for baby and if a moving pushchair is helpful maybe try baby swing or rocker as you may find the movement close enough to replicate pram. You may also find a baby carry sling helps round the house - or it may make no difference.

Some babies are very hard.

My first really almost broke me. He cried all day long, never smiled and I felt like he would be the grumpiest kid in the world. I regularly had meltdowns but gradually it did become easier, it's hard to pinpoint exactly when but more when he was able to do things for himself so when he started to roll, walk, eat etc with each milestone it got slightly better. He literally is the most wonderful lovely kid now! Does baby have colic? Colic is the absolute pits. I have a 2 week old right now (honestly didn't think we would have another after the first, but here we are!) who also has colic right now so lots and lots of relentless crying going on over here too! But I remember from the first that it does improve. You're doing the right thing though, removing yourself for a few minutes. Sorry you're struggling, it really is so very hard. Hope it improves for you very soon.

Whereabouts roughly are you in the country?

Honestly there is nothing that makes her happy unless on the move so pram car seat etc. Not very restful. Anyway it won’t always be like this but right now it is. She was great for the first 6 weeks, horrendous for another 6, lovely for two months now horrendous again!

Sounds like my eldest daughter. It's horrible when people tell you to 'hand them to someone and get away' - sometimes there is NOBODY to 'hand them to' and you feel so alone and so insignificant. When you are pregnant everyone wants to ask how you are and how you're feeling, and then as soon as the baby is born it's like nobody cares any more about YOU.

No recommendations, OP, just sympathy. My daughter stopped when she got mobile at 9 months, she acted as though she'd just been bored with being a baby up until then, and once she could move she calmed right down. But I wouldn't wish you another three months of it though!

Only read your posts, OP, has anyone suggested a baby swing? Obv you can't put her in it all day but my screamer would fall asleep in his. I think the movement really helped him. And it would give you 40 mins peace. It can be so hard. But you will get through this.

It's tough OP - I still remember those days and mine are in their 30's. You do what you need to get through each day, but I can still remember wheeling the pram up and down the garden, praying for DH to get home. And I had family close by!

Take care of yourself.

Hopefully this won't last long! My little girl is 9 months now. She was a very happy baby until about 5 months and then turned into a bit of a screaming whinging demon until she was about 8 months. I'm pretty sure 6 months was peak losing my mind point. We essentially did spend all day walking around outside 🤣 and I used to wear her in a carrier around the house and try and distract myself cooking and cleaning. Thankfully she is now back to being a cheeky happy little thing and I'm really enjoying spending time with her again. We had 8 teeth break through during that screaming time so I think that might have contributed? Anyway I feel your pain and I'm sending you a hug. Its absolutely fine to leave the baby somewhere safe and take a minute. It won't last forever!! You've got this

Shuddering at the flashbacks.

My DH used to wear noise-cancelling headphones. I’d go for a sleep before the night-shift and they would be in the same room so DS was fed/safe/carried like a joey but he didn’t like it when I wasn’t there and DH couldn’t stop the crying. At one point he was researching whether rubber placebo tits had ever worked.

I’d get her checked, just for peace of mind, if it’s at the stage that you can’t set her down without her going barmy. She might have something going on. Could be teeth, colic, who knows.

DD2 also went through a greety phase, only motion stopped it. I used to walk for about three and a half hours five days a week rather than listen to it (to be fair, I also needed to lose a heap of weight).

You have my sympathy, I ended up on a park bench weeping beside the pram and also did a bit of screaming myself on one horrible night. Noise is used as torture, it’s natural to get sick of it. I’d look into getting some external help, even if it’s only for a few hours a week, no-one was meant to do it all alone. You’re doing a great job, don’t be hard on yourself.