Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

There’s no right answer on this one. People see inheritances as statements of love and worth. If it was split equally your DS would be upset because she “needs” the money, but but sharing it disproportionately it has upset others.

I always think equal split is the only totally fair way.

I can see why it would annoy him, however its your parents money and they are using it in a way that ensures they can close their eyes on this world feeling as though each if their children is safe and secure in all their different circumstances. They've thought carefully how to ensure your youngest brother is safe without leaving him actual money to perhaps squander, your sister and her children will benefit as they're on the back foot through no-fault of their own. Yes in an ideal world all would get the same but your parents are making a wise and careful decision to know you'll all be OK when they're gone.

Short answer: it’s their money so they can do what they like with it really.

Longer answer: I can appreciate why individuals would feel that it was unfair for it not to be split equally. I suppose especially as the other grandchildren aren’t considered at all.

I’m assuming they told you now to avoid a crisis post-death when it was uncovered and you all fell out.

IMO the fair thing to do is probably split it evenly, maybe including your DS (does your DB object to this?), maybe split a bit out for the other grandkids?

That eldest DBs wife got an inheritance doesn’t seem a fair reason to exclude him, for example.

I'm not surprised, it shows how much they love each child (or otherwise). In general though I think the youngest should always get the most and the oldest the least, because the older the child the more advantages they've had and the longest they've been living while the parents were alive.

oh do not make this horrible for your parents

they have made their decision and everyone should respect it

I think it depends on how unequal the split is.

I can understand why your parents want to make sure that their children who are currently in insecure housing have security. Once that is achieved, though, I do think the rest should be split equally between you (perhaps via a trust for your brother with issues)

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )

presumably your relaxed about being outed as pretty outing info!!

you have given an insane amount of unnecessary and identifiable information OP

@notjustthecandle I have no issue with the current arrangement. I will be getting percentage wise substantially less than my sister but I can understand why.

I can see why he feels like he does, but I can see your parent’s point and think it’s sensible. He is safe and secure, your sister and brother aren’t. Your parents just want everyone to be safe. They need to have a chat with him and explain it’s not because they love him less?

How do you feel about it?

It’s ok I have not … I have given slight variations of information that equals the same but different but also stops me drip feeding. No one will no who I am from that info :)

I totally see why they have done it. If you were going to split it based on people's needs then it's 100% on point.

I however would probably just do 4 ways as it's not individuals faults on who has done better in life or has less of a need for support.

so in that case… you must think that you’re DB is being unreasonable to be kicking up a stink about this? or do you share a little of his anger?

I can see why they'd do that - but it's sad that it's going to cause issues in the family! It would be nice if it was just split equally between everyone, regardless of who's got what job / troubles / received what inheritance already.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease and the good wheels gets the kick to see if is still working ok....I feel it should be split equally. At the end of the day you all presumably had the same opportunities and if your lives turn d out so differently then it was down to personal choices...

I Do not mind because I know we will be okay regardless and it’s not my money.
I can see both my parents and my DB a point of views.

One of the issues with money is that you never know whether or not you are going to need it. So your DB1 might be rolling in it now, but at some point in the future be on his uppers.

I suppose your parents can always change the will if this happens.

For me it would really depend on how much cash there is. For example if your DB1 is getting 10k instead of 20k it is hardly worth bothering about.

If he is getting 1mill rather than 2mill then yes he is "losing" a lot, but 1 mill is still a fair bit of cash.

If he is somewhere in the middle then it becomes more difficult.

As a final thing, it may be that your DB1 appears to have a luxurious lifestyle, but in general peoples expenditure goes up to match their income. So it may look like they are rolling in it, but in fact they are only just about making ends meet.

At the end of the day though, it sounds like your parents have thought it through and it is their money to do what they want with.

Just as it's your DB1s right to tell them how he feels about that and change his relationship accordingly with them as a result if he wishes.

you have told us your are a forensic pathologist and make up artist.

that you are a single parent as your partner passed away

you retained custody of his son, your step son

I can’t think the above is replicated anywhere in the UK

I am a FP and I don’t think many people know about the make up so not really worried.
I changed details you just don’t know which ones and I named changed.
I also don’t really think it will cause an issue.
thanks for your concern.

I believe in equal splits. Generally the bigger the house and job the bigger outgoings. Additionally your DS will probably end up losing any benefits she gets just now.

how was it left with your brother

i hope you urged him not to cause your aging parents in ill health further stress

who is most involved with your parents?

it’s was not concern for your siblings!

I think @notjustthecandle might know who you or your parents, or siblings are OP.