Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

@Whatevershallidowithmylife she doesn’t ( not in that info 😂)
Didn’t even put the siblings in order

Don’t understand why parents do this when they know it just pits children against one another. Equal share to children is fairest

There's no right answer to this.
But ultimately your DS has been dealt a horrible blow by the universe with her past relationship and DV. Your parents are trying to do what they can to give all their children a similar level of security when they are gone, which I can imagine is a really comforting thought. I completely see where they're coming from on this.

Having been through the recent loss of my beloved mum and the numerous issues that arose between siblings (who normally get on ok) in the aftermath, anything other than an equal split will I think inevitably cause some pain for someone. Even if you think you would be fine with it now, in the event you may find it raises feelings you didn’t anticipate.

I think this is totally fair and kudos to your parents.

I would do exactly the same in their shoes.

Anyone who'd complain would look money grabbing to me.

Your parents are being unfair, it should be split 4 ways

they are penalising you all for the decisions you have all made as adults, your brother has money so he’s ok attitude is wrong, no doubt he has worked very hard to get where he is

Your sister is worse of due to her choice of man she married, and ok I get that she may have been aware and the dv started after they were married, but did it? And why should the rest of you be penalised because she is now a single parent renting?

they are being unfair and it’s going to lead to bitterness and a split family, is that what they want? They are happy to say to you and your brother we think less of you because you have done well?

I think it’s poor form. No one knows what’s around the corner, your DB could get divorced and end up with nothing or end up disabled and needing care, or worse. your DS could meet someone wealthy or win the lottery.

it should be equal between you all, irrespective of the current situation of each child.

Generally I think an equal split is easiest but if I was the eldest brother in this scenario I wouldn't begrudge my sister the extra money at all.

@notjustthecandle no that’s not true it would very much depend on where you are in your career - whether you also work privately to.

I think this sounds very fair, and your older brother is greedy. Its their money and they can do with it what they want. If he complains then he can be cut out completely.

so if so much of the detail is in fact not true

Does kind of make it difficult to give you an answer

It’s up to them and I’d respect their wishes.

But generally I think it should be left equally (with some special arrangements for trust etc if someone is not capable of managing their own finances). No one knows what’s round the corner - divorce, health issues, etc. Grieving can tear families apart at the best of times, let alone if there’s perceived favouritism.

Maybe do a bit more research and come back

I think that it's fair enough for your dps.

I feel that if OP is comfortable with the info she's given, no one else has to worry really.

She could've changed some details e.g she's actually a plastic surgeon with a sideline as a stuntwoman...same difference as a pathologist with a side hustle as a make up artist tbf.

This 👆

The only absolutely fair way is a split between the direct children. Anything else is unfair, even if for good and valid reasons.

Ultimately, it is their money and they can do with it as they please. Considering the state of healthcare for the old and infirm, there is a high likelihood there won't be anything to distribute anyway these days I'm afraid.

My siblings and I have very different incomes-eldest brother is a millionaire several times over, lavish lifestyle, kids at expensive boarding school. My dm has made it clear we'll all get the same inheritance and I agree this is the only fair way to do it.

@Dacadactyl stunt women sounds much more exciting !

Your parents are smart and more people should follow suit imo.

I am not "in your DBs position" in that I can only dream of being mortgage free - we have 2 young kids and our childcare bill is 😭😭😱
But I have a nice mortgaged home, a decent pension and earn well.

My sibling has had a harder / less fortunate time for various reasons, isn't on the property ladder and doesn't have a partner.

They will receive more than me.
I know this in advance and i have NO issue with this we are still close.

Fair isn't equal.
It's good you parents have flagged this upfront also there are no surprises.

The way I see this from a sibling pov is a bit similar to a romantic relationship..
I would no more see my husband ordering a side salad as a main course because he can't afford to pay "his half" of a meal in a fancy restaurant while I ate lobster than I'd want my sibling trapped in a small rental with poor stability while I was mortgage free and buying a holiday home in the Dordogne.

I feel sorry for DB1. Your parents are essentially telling him that he should be penalised for doing well in life.

I think your parents are right.

Sometimes treating everyone the same is the most unfair thing you can do.

Besides it's there money, your older DB sounds very entitled!!