Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

But that's exactly what they're doing. They've decided that their eldest son is less deserving because he's done well for himself in life. I'm not how it can be seen as anything other than favouritism. I'd be so hurt that I'd be seriously considering my relationship with them. Let the DB and your sister deal with them in their old age.

And op's sister who works with teens in a hospital probably has worked just as hard. Plenty of people work in low paying jobs and work just as hard or harder. Did he work hard to get an inheritance from his partner? I think they are doing the right thing.

As long as the parents explained that they love everyone equally, but want everyone to be looked after, what's the problem? If I was that well off I'd want my siblings and their kids to be ok too.

I'm not sure I would leave the youngest brother anything more than they are doing now.

You know what would've been nice? If you and your elder brother had said to your parents that they shouldn't feel they should leave their money equally. You two are the best off. Then it would be for your brother to say, "I don't need any of it, luckily".

I don't think he's less deserving, just less in need.

I totally agree.

The most vulnerable in the family have essentially been taken care of. They need more, they get more. Makes total sense to me.

I imagine your brother was hoping for some ££ that would decrease his private school spends and help him boost his pension pot.

He seems greedy. I don’t like it!

Seems fair. Its your parents money

There's a difference between equal and fair and this is what you parents deem to be fair and they have left the money accordingly as is their perogative.

When my nan died it had to be broken to one of my uncles that his share went a charity instead. It was my nans wishes following a breakdown in the family and him and his family being cut off. It wouldn't have been fair to share is proportion out between the rest of the siblings but what was fair to my nan was to send that money to an charity that supported the whole family when the cut out family member nearly died.

Your sister is worse of due to her choice of man she married, and ok I get that she may have been aware and the dv started after they were married, but did it? And why should the rest of you be penalised because she is now a single parent renting?

The idea that the parents choice of inheritance penalized the rest implies like it's the rightfully the children's and it's being taken off them instead of the parents wealth to bestow.

However my main issue is that you're asserting that the sister chose to be abused. WTAF.

I can absolutely understand why your parents have chosen that way, BUT it relies on a lot of people "being reasonable about it" for it to work.

I think it was unrealistic of you parents to assume that 4 different "kids", with vastly different life experiences, would passively agree.

Personally, I think an exactly equal split is the only way to do it if you want to avoid drama. It has the historic precedence, and no one can argue favouritism.

Plenty of capitalist Protestant work ethic mind sets on here.

I should add
that none of us have been financially supported in terms of careers / education.
Most of the money would be coming from their house.

I think your older brother is being unreasonable. Your parents are wanting to provide for their children as loving parents do and he should understand that. You are able to, so why can’t he.

You sound like a bully.

If you know her, then send her a message to warn her to change a few details.

Most people have the sense to change details but the details she gave were enough to show who has what responsibilities.

I think that's fine, clearly your sister needs the security whereas your DB is very well off and secure.
Your DB sounds very selfish and grabby.

Split equally if you don't want people feeling upset and hurt (and actually, possibly quite devastated). It's not about the money, it's a representation of your parents loving you all equally.

Inheritance is on my mind this week as well.

I too have a feckless brother who's struggled throughout life, pulling it together occasionally but mostly drinking, Intoxicated and smoking.

He also happens to be the favourite. My parents are tying themselves in knots over what's equal, what's fair, etc. they are currently giving substantial sums before death to him so thaat the Will can ultimately be seen as 'equal'.

My mum is taking into account I have a husband and he will inherit a 25% share from his family. I think this is unfair but by this stage in life nothing they say or do can possibly surprise me, so much manipulation in their actions that I,'d love to be able to just tell them to stick the whole bloody lot.

I think that your parents wanting to support your severely disabled child is one thing and they should use the money they wish to support with that into a separate trust if he really will need lifelong care the others wont need. The rest should be split equally, no question. Having your youngest brother’s money in a trust is also fair and again that should be equal amount to the rest of you

Well said. It's not about the money.

It’s your parents money and up to them. I see why your brother is upset though. He’s been a good son done all the right things and is being penalised for it in his eyes.
not treating all your children equally will always cause a rift somewhere along the line.

The DS is her Dear Sister, not her dear son.

Sorry, why is your DC receiving the most? Is it because he’s disabled and they want to make sure he’ll be okay throughout his life?

I think it’s unfair to leave less to a child because they are more successful, I honestly do.

If anything, the child who has proven able to
multiply wealth should be the one to inherit /manage it. If nothing else, they should get a fair split. .. So I understand your brothers PoV.

It's obviously up to your parents what they want to do with their money. Having said that I'd want to treat equally as I feel the same about them. Only thing that might change this in later life, is that if one was taking time out to help me more with things like hospital visits, food, paperwork - I'd want to recognise their time and costs involved.

I can see where your parents are coming from but the fairest way is split it equally. None of us know what the future holds for us and what our fate will be. Therefore maybe equally is the best way forward to avoid conflict and hurt.

Anything apart from equal between siblings (unless one needs care) generally causes ill will.