Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

Do you honestly think that someone who has managed to remove herself and her children from a violent relationship, put a roof over their heads and does a job that truly contributes to helping people and therefore making the world a better place, is not working hard and making sacrifices?!

Cannot respect parents who treat their children differently! What about children treating their parents differently, occasionally we might need a bit of support (health wise,lift to hospital) I have provided childcare for all of my kids going back almost 30 years, when I was actually working ft nights myself. I never expected inheritance, only child...my late father re - married 6 weeks before he died. Obvious who got the inheritance. Who looked after him, when my late DM was ill,died, and looked after him . Well,that would be me! I didn't expect "payment" for it!

It's their money to do what they want with.

But I can also see why your brother is now feeling like the least favourite child.

Are you a nail technician and also a plastic surgeon OP? 😄

I’d say it’s their money and their choice. I can see why they’d want to support your sister the most and DB1 the least, and not give cash to DB2. DB1 sounds horrible - very greedy and grasping. He needs to support your parents’ wishes. This should not be discussed further.

You have no idea of the brother feels so you can't speak for him. OP hasn't shared that nougat of information, only that he is not happy, not why he is not happy.

Money is not the root of all evil. Desire is the cause of most evil and just one of those many desires is money. I have always found those who believe money is the on track root of all evil are also the ones that in fact think about money excessively.

Your parents can leave all their assets to The Lost Dogs Home.
Even better if they do so five years before they die.
They sound very reasonable and fair.

The plan in their Will seems logical. They should ask their financial advisor how to best maketheir Will water tight.
If I were them I would leave the younger DB as planned and gift your DS most of her inheritance and you some of yours (with financial planning advice) before they die.
Then when they die, something is in place for younger DB and you older three can receive similar to each other.

What if between the will being written and parent’s dying -
Rich brother is made redundant, wife or him has life changing accidents, kids left orphaned, some other disaster…
Sister or druggy brother win the lottery, marries a multi millionaire some other good fortune…

i’ve read loads of threads on here where people have been upset because they have worked hard / sacrificed while a sibling has taken an easier path and the parents then favour the sibling in the inheritance. If your parents want to do something for the siblings do it now.

NBU. They want to ensure their kids are looked after when they pass. DB needs to realise it isn't a personal attack and perhaps find gratitude in his already abundant lifestyle. Does he try to help his siblings?

Their house is not mortgaged, they have income from multiple rental properties, I would also imagine someone working in financial services would have excellent life and critical illness insurance in place. What if any of those things happened to the sister? I think it's statistically more likely than meeting and marrying a millionaire or winning the lottery.

Sounds v unfair yes.

IMO splitting it equally is fair. But also it's their money - what they do with it is their choice.

I get this, and understand why your parents have decided to draw up their wills this way. Have they had a proper face to face talk with DB1 to explain their reasoning, and for him to express his feelings about it? Do you think DB1 is money-orientated and thinks it's unfair because he won't be getting as much as the rest of you, or is he unhappy because he sees it as a reflection of their love for him? If it's the first, that's sad for you all and if it's the second, surely they can explain it to him properly?

Like the brother is thinking he should have received more but fuck his drug addict brother that money could be used for him to go to rehab. Here's a better idea get him accommodation outside of the area so he is away from triggers. The money will help his sister get out of poverty. Shrouds have no pockets and if you can help others when you are better off then why not help?
He's getting something but he feels entitled to more when he knows his siblings are struggling.

My mum died last year and she left a will and in it, my brother got the family home and we share equally another property. My parents made the right decision my brother would have been homeless and if she had split it equally I would have sold it. My brother believes I shouldn't be in it at all. Last year he said I don't understand the relationship I had with my mum he thought our parents hated me.

"I have always found those who believe money is the on track root of all evil are also the ones that in fact think about money excessively."

If you believe you should be entitled to more in a will. Its money that you haven't earned and have no rights too.

"You have no idea of the brother feels so you can't speak for him. OP hasn't shared that nougat of information, only that he is not happy, not why he is not happy."

The op is talking about will and money what do you think he's upset about when his siblings are struggling pot noodles.

There's no point living life on that basis though - a decision could never be reached on anything whilst living on a 'what if' basis (rather than 'what is').

I'm executor for my lone parent's will, and I'm aware that I've been left a larger share (20% more) than my sibling. The will is thus because (for several years) I've taken on (by choice) vital care and support responsibilities for our parent, whilst my sibling hasn't (by choice).
In the circumstances, I think its fair. I respect my sibling's right to take a different approach to our parent than I do; and I respect our parent's right to do the same.

What kind of sheltered world do you live in that you think disparities in fortune are all due to "personal choices." Farcical.

I can't help thinking the people on this thread who are so adamant that money equals love are already insecure in their relationship with their parents. I don't want my parents' money when they die (not that they have much) I want them to spend it while they're alive. & if they for some reason left it "unequally" (we're a large family) I can't imagine thinking it was because they loved me less.

A few things -

my sister has worked her whole life, she works very hard as well as my brother.
I don’t blame her for the DV - that’s ridiculous. People keep saying she made choices. She did not choose for any of rhay to happen.
there is no way that my brother would not have any security if something bad was to happen.
I earn and have a lot less investment than DB and had some terrible things happen but even I had back ups.
It’s not based on our “ tragic events “
i am not getting more despite being single mum and a disabled DD because thankfully and luckily I was in a position for it not to effect us financially.

Lassiata, I agree with you. We have discussed this matter very carefully with our children. Once about 30 years ago, I discovered to my shock I was left a 3rd of my grandfathers property. He was well into his 90s told late father to visit,left to me and cousins because he disliked/distrusted sil. He burnt the will,F and siblings got half each, sibling still wasn't happy, arguing for years.

As for getting rid of assets before you die,well I live in mine!!

What your parents choose to put in their will is up to them. You can't coerce them to change it. Why your parents had that conversation is beyond me it's not yours or your sibling's business to be upset or feel that you should get more or less. They're not even dead yet and your upset???
Is your brother going no contact now?

This thread shows how entitled we have become it's all about money and material. Op are your parents strong and in good health?

It's entirely up to the parents.

@Carpediemmakeitcount I am not upset
in the slightest. I couldn’t care less if my parents left me 5milion or nothing at all.

@Troublesome3
I think your mum and dad have done the right thing by telling people now. Yes your DB might be a bit pissed off now but hopefully will calm down when he has reflected on it.
Either way, they are his feelings to get over

Your reading skills are farcical. I am referring to this particular case where all kids were raised in the same household and as I said "presumably they all had the same opportunities" . You can't just blame fate for all your shitty decisions and choices....well you can try....