Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

Well, you judge a lot for someone that wants to appear compassionate. My dad is dead, my brothers and I look after my mum financially as she requires medical attention round the clock. My husband's parents have no money or assets, but they are very self sufficient and in good health which is a blessing. So no, not everyone on this thread equals money to love but we are still be able to see the disparity on the OP's parents decision.

I think your parents are being unfair. The thing with being in your brother's shoes is that it often comes with a lifetime of "Oh he'll be fine, he can handle xyz, but other child needs more support". Children should be given equal shares, except in the case of severe extenuating circumstances such as disability.

Eldest DB is a GREEDY F**K...

Case closed...

Are your parents in good health and is your brother going no contact? I hope they are in good health and live as long as possible.

Why give a reason why with all the facts the op has given about all her siblings including herself? My mother's will wasn't equal but I understand why she did it.

Support their choices. Your brother seems to be doing well. Why can’t people be satisfied in life, hasn’t he got enough!

I find it interesting how many people say that they'd be quite happy with an unequal share if their sibling needed it. I wonder how many of them are in that situation and would actually be happy with it. I suspect most that are saying that think of themselves as the poorer one and would actually benefit.
It's very easy to say "of course I would never see my sibling struggle" when you don't think you'd be in that situation. It's easy to give away your hypothetical money. And you've also got to discuss it with your partner, who maybe has two other siblings in similar situations and consider what's fair for your children too.

I don't think generally doing uneven is right. You don't know what's down the road for any of us. The rich brother might have an accident and need full time care. Is it fair to give less because one sibling has got an inheritance early? I chose to be a SAHM until my dc were school age. We therefore had less money than the sibling who both were working full time from 3 months after birth. Should we be rewarded for that choice?
The argument for giving more to a sibling with special needs sounds on the face of it thought through. But equally well the siblings often have been young carers through childhood, expected to give up things for their sibling, so I'm not sure it is fair.

And what can be seen on the outside isn't always what's true on the inside. One family might look like they're doing very well - but you don't know whether they're actually worried about the debt that's piling up. Or the other family who drives a 20yo car and is in a house two sizes too small, but has savings of £100k, just doesn't like to spend it.
I have the reputation in my family of being lucky. Things apparently just fall into my lap according to my family. What they don't know is how hard I work for that. Because I make light of it, whereas my siblings will complain every inch of the way.

Probably because no one actually knows whether or not the brother has enough without a detailed examination of his finances. And maybe, just maybe, his reaction is partly because of that and not "sheer greed".

Maybe his relationship is rocky and he might see himself needing to buy another property in the near future.

Maybe his "investment properties" are city centre flats that are underwater on the mortgages because of the cladding scandal.

Maybe he knows his "great job in finance" is on thin ice because the company has hinted there are going to be cutbacks soon, and he is not confident of being able to get another highly paid job, or he relies on bonuses in an industry that can be fickle.

Maybe he is concerned school fees are going to go up even more, that he wants to help his kids through university and a third kid is on the way.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

No one knows enough information or is ever likely to know on his personal finances to make a judgement. As I posted earlier, some people who you would assume are rich on the surface are paddling frantically below it to try to keep themselves afloat. It's easy to look at someone in a big house and think they are rich. The reality is rarely that simple.

YANBU.
An equal split is the fairest way to leave the wealth.
I don’t believe it is right or fair to penalise for doing well or not so well.
However, no one has a given right to their money. Hopefully the siblings will not fall out as it is their DP who have caused the situation.

But the point is you can’t guarantee what the future holds.
Plenty of wealthy people have ended up penniless. So the only way to be fair is equal shares.
Or parents to spend it all on world cruises to avoid any family failings out… thats if its not all swallowed up in care home fees of course!

@GasPanic but surely parents who have given such a lot of thought to match need with inheritance know the individual circumstances of their children .

All those posters who speculate on what the future might hold for the potential beneficiaries with “what if” to support equal inheritance should consider that the testators want the peace of mind that giving each according to need provides them.

The fact that all 4 were raised inthe same household does not mean all were equally able to succeed in life. Do you give your DC who has special needs less attention or access to therapy etc? than his condition needs because that can’t be given to all your DC. Hopefully you will do your best to meet the needs of the more able DC and they will understand the situation.
The brother who takes drugs may have become addicted to pain relief after an accident or have MH problems, or have learning difficulties. Would you give him an equally sized cheque and tell him he was on his own?
Sister’s DC will have the stability that their own home would bring. ATM they are disadvantaged vis a vis the B1’s children.

Not necessarily.

Why would they ? Families and relationships are different. Some families share a lot of financial information between themselves. Some don't. Sometimes even partners don't know the full financial situation of each other. As can be seen from the many threads on here where someone has suddenly found their partner has secretly run up loads of debts. And some people like to project an air of financial well being as it is important to them to be seen to be doing well, even though they might be in trouble.

A lot of families also like to maintain a level of independence from their in laws, particularly if they see them as interfering or judgemental. Some people see it as an important part of their independence.

The key is not to project your own values/experiences onto the way other people or families might behave. One thing I have learned in life is that all relationships are different and all families have different dynamics.

Re the personal situations. We won't ever know enough to make a judgement. Maybe the older brother is a greedy so and so and the younger one a poor victim of society whose path has been caused by MH issues. Or maybe the hardworking older one needs the money and the younger one has behaved selfishily putting his parents through hell with a life of drug taking and petty crime out of his own choice.

Where is the reality. Answer is, it's hard to tell with any degree of certainty. As the Queen said, recollections may vary. And therefore in the absence of any certainty, how can anyone rush to make a judgement ?

I don't think it is unreasonable. I know a lot are saying an equal split is fair but imo it's not fair parents have to face dying and worrying about how their children- adults or not will cope.I know we will all die some day and some sooner than others but they have prepared a will in good faith , whilst facing poor health.They have raised you all since birth and just want the best and probably know you all better than you know yourselves. They have made a decision to share their money as as they have been doing for the past x amount of years in raising you all, and this is how they see fit.I would be asking older brother not to burden them with his disappointment and make their last time on earth difficult. Even if something did go awfully wrong with him financially in the future ,he owns a home, your sister has lost alot but still found a way to manage.

For all those saying equal is the only answer.

What if one of the children had SEN of some description? Lets say Autism or Downs Syndrome to the level that they cannot live independently, and unlikely to be able to work or have the capacity to manage their money? Would equal split be the only fair way then?

Personally, if my sibling was in this situation, I would support them getting the lions share of any inheritance so they can be guaranteed (as much as possible) to have a decent quality of life.

My brother is better off than me but I know he really would benefit from enough money to make some major changes to his life and leave his well paid but stressful career, so I wouldn't mind if he got more than me on that basis. I've got pretty much everything I need, I suppose I'd pay off any remaining mortgage, put some away in a trust for my daughter, perhaps go on holiday- nothing which would massively change my life.

Regardless of his personnel circumstances, he's one quarter of the blood line and its his choice what he chooses to do with it!

any developments op?

i can’t help but feel sympathy for your elderly parents battling health conditions and now potentially having this to contend with

My father left his money to Thai bride and my brother, who he had already given enough money to to enable him to build a house. The majority of my father's money was a result of my efforts.
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