Should I tell him baby is here?

[AngieR87]

My partner left me around 10 weeks ago , while pregnant with his child. I have a few weeks to go. Originally I was going to tell him when baby was born....but in the whole time we have been separated I've only heard from him a few times and on non of those occasions has he asked how our baby is doing.

I couldn't imagine not knowing how my unborn baby was doing. Because he hasn't been in touch I don't really feel I should tell him when baby is born. What do you think?

He hadn't been very kind to me during this breakup. I don't know if it was said in anger but he said at one point baby wasn't his and that I trapped him with baby (he said he wanted baby when I found out?

AIBU by not telling him when his child is born and just wait for him to ask?

I mean I don't think I'd punish him for not asking how his baby was that wasn't even here yet. But a decent person would check in with the mother of his unborn child and just ask if everything has been OK etc.

Just file a CMS claim and he will find out that way.

He will know when he gets informed of his CMS payment amount surely 😉

Not once has he asked about me or about baby.

I suppose the "mature" thing would be to let him know but I totally get the not telling him until he asks. I would be obliged to do the same. Is he planning on being part of the baby's life?

He says he wants to. But he's hasn't got a home, he messaged to say he will be away the whole month baby is born too. It just seems excuse after excuse of why he can't or won't be around.

Not once has he asked about me or about baby.

What has he contacted you about then?

I would not tell him anything until you have registered the birth tbh.

The baby isn't here to ask about yet and he left because he didn't want to be in the relationship, so why would he ask how you were? I think you need to separate you and the baby here. Yes tell him when the baby is born, either yourself or via maintenance.

Asking about missing paper work he needed for a new passport

Me personally I would still want to make sure mother is OK. That she was coping mentally and physically. Because at the end of the day if that health isn't good then my baby won't be ok.
Baby is still a living thing and would survive if born now.

No I wouldn’t tell him. Presumably he knows when baby is due, he can ask you if he wants to know.

Also give baby your surname.

The last thing you will need when you’ve just given birth is any drama. I wouldn’t bother.

Yes he was there for first few months so is aware.

I was planning on giving baby my name.

Thank you

Thank you for your reply. The way he has been acting I know he won't be an easy co parent to deal with and a lot of my anxiety comes from having to deal with him and all the stress he brings

He will be away for a month where, doing what?

When you say that he hasn't got a home, does this mean that he is actually a homeless person?

Assume he’ll not be in dcs life.
Make a CMS claim.
Dont put him on the birth certificate.

Tell him. Assuming you're not married, do not register him as the father. Then put a CMS claim in.

He said to sort out some paper work to allow him to travel (he was born in another country). Last he told me he was living with his ex and their children.

Unfortunately we are married so he has to go on birth certificate. I will definitely be putting a claim in.

Unfortunately married so he has to go on birth certificate

Have you seen a solicitor about beginning divorce proceedings?

I would tell him so that his lack of engagement with the baby is entirely on him. If your baby is older and asks why their dad wasn’t involved, it may not look good if you say you never told him they were born even if your reasoning is sound.

I don't necessarily think it's wrong that he hasn't asked after the baby since you split up. In a healthy pregnancy, there's nothing the not-pregnant partner can do for the baby. They support the pregnant one physically and mentally, but not if they're an ex. "How's the baby?" "Fine" isn't exactly a conversation you need to keep having. I'd expect you to be updating him if something was wrong with the baby.

Not telling him about the birth would be very petty. I can understand why you might want to be petty, but personally I think taking the high road is the better option.

No. I haven't. To be honest he's created so much drama and a mess I've had to spend the last few months putting my life back together. But when baby is here it is something I will do. Because we were married at time of conception he would be put as father anyway.