Should I tell him baby is here?

[AngieR87]

My partner left me around 10 weeks ago , while pregnant with his child. I have a few weeks to go. Originally I was going to tell him when baby was born....but in the whole time we have been separated I've only heard from him a few times and on non of those occasions has he asked how our baby is doing.

I couldn't imagine not knowing how my unborn baby was doing. Because he hasn't been in touch I don't really feel I should tell him when baby is born. What do you think?

He hadn't been very kind to me during this breakup. I don't know if it was said in anger but he said at one point baby wasn't his and that I trapped him with baby (he said he wanted baby when I found out?

AIBU by not telling him when his child is born and just wait for him to ask?

Inform him when baby is here . Then the onus is on him to decide. Do your very part and see what he does. Even ask him whether he wants to be a part of the baby. These questions will give you more tools to work with after delivery than assumptions. Then when he wants to come look for your child in future you have a story to tell.

I was in a similar situation last year.
I don't think he has to go on the birth certificate.( I didn't have to put my husband on) You could say your not sure of paternity so want to leave it blank..( yes it's not a nice thing to say but trust me will save a lot of drama and heartache in the future.My first husband had to go in my younger children's and my god I wish he hadn't been when we divorced. )
Then he can take it to court and file for a DNA test if he wishes to apply to go on tbe certificate .doesn't sound like he will bother though..
Good luck with everything. You can do this.

Write him off and move on . You can do this alone. He is a no good s@@t at the end of the day.

She will need him on birth certificate to get any money out of him. The child also has a right to know who its father is

He's the baby's father. He has the exact same rights as you! Let him know HIS child is born and then if he doesn't want to know, you did all you can then you can move on with your life 😊😊 xx

Also do not punish this man because he was "mean" to you after the break up. This baby has nothing to do with that.

I know you've had loads of replies but to say I hope you're doing OK. I can't imagine how hard a breakup is when you're pregnant.

And fwiw I don't agree with people that say "it's OK he hasn't asked how you and the baby are because the baby isn't here". It just shows he lacks any maturity, empathy or care.

When I have had break ups I have always asked how my ex is doing because I still care even if aren't together. And none of them have been pregnant!

I'm pregnant so was wondering what I'd do. I think I'd probably tell him when the baby arrives to help keep things civil between us. I'd also be getting all the advice I could around custody, maintenance, etc now, and putting all the conditions in place so I go into the child being born feeling (legally and financially) protected.

Good luck x

Tbh I was in a similar situation and he has refused to acknowledge the existence of his only daughter and he actually blocked me on everything up til very close to when she was born. I told him when she was born and sent him pictures. She's now 2 and he has seen her for 5 mins in all thy time. I had to take him to cms but I've offered him everything so he has contact with her which he's refused. At the end of the day I've tried to do best by her and I can tell her tht when she asks when she's older. If you're denying him tht his baby has even been born he can turn around and tell them tht when they're older and the child could resent you for tht. It's totally up to you but I didnt want to risk my child resenting me later in life for not having contact with their other parent

Beauty

Your husband sounds absolutely horrible. I’m sorry for the difficult situation you find yourself in.

I would always approach the situation with the question “what would be best for the child?” In this case, I think the best thing for the baby is to have the opportunity to develop a relationship with the father from birth and that of course can only happen if you inform him when the baby’s been born. Whether he then steps up to the plate is up to him.

I’m baffled by the advice on this and other threads to not list the child’s father on the birth certificate. The birth certificate is a document for the child, a record of who they are and who their parents are. It shouldn’t be about airbrushing an important part of that child’s heritage to make the mother’s life easier.

Best of luck for the future OP.

He knows that you are expecting his child and has treated you with so much disregard. It is not your job to keep him updated, you've got baby and everything that comes with motherhood to focus on.

If he is interested, it is on him to contact you and keep in contact, without prompting. I'm not saying that you should go out of your way and avoid him, or keep anything to do with baby from him. If he's not a complete idiot, he'll know roughly when to expect the birth, however he should be involving himself long before that and making sure that you're both prepared for this new life ahead, whatever that may look like. Do put his name on baby's birth certificate - please don't be offended - if you are sure he is dad. It's important to the child when they grow up, especially if their father has chosen to be estranged.

You just focus on being a 'mummy yo be' and all the joy that comes with that, he will either come through or he won't, just don't give him any reason to say that you made anything difficult for him when it comes to baby 💖

And CONGRATULATIONS 🎊 💐

Do yourself and your baby a favour, distance yourself from this guy.
This kind of person won't ever change, when the chips were down...he bailed out.
You can lead a happy life without him, and eventually you will meet someone you both deserve!

Do you want your baby to have his name on the birth certificate? If yes you need to invite him to attend the registration.

(remember he can always have this added later by court)

Otherwise as others have suggested lodge a claim with CMS and get on with life.

I gave birth 4 months ago in Scotland and it was still paperwork from hospital to take with you to register the birth

Tbh I anticipate you'll get a lot of messages about a week prior to due date.. A lot of people suddenly get interested around that time. Not being mean just human nature.. Whilst it's already very real to you, it's not to them.

Personally I'd do what makes you happiest and as stressfree as possible. Try to separate your feelings (impossible I know) and put baby first. For example if you would want him at the birth, or if your happiest with a friend or family member.

Ps congratulations and wishing you a smooth birth x

I have a feeling that he will have left the country by the time the baby is born.

Please be sure to see a solicitor if you haven't already.

Completely agree with this - I am shocked at some of these responses giving excuses for the husband's behaviour.

OP - put him out of your mind and focus on you and your baby. After you have registered your child you could consider asking someone trusted to text him the date of birth. If he wants to know more he can ask

Why the fuck should OP be giving him any consideration while in labour or having given birth?! She'll have enough to think about than tho is speak donor

Christ - OP you have absolutely no moral or legal obligation to contact your husband, who has abandoned you and his child, to tell him his child has been born.

If anything he should be regularly contacting you to ask if the child has been born and what you need in terms of items for baby and any support you need in terms of chores/shopping when you are in the later stages of pregnancy and/or unwell due to it. E.g He could hire a cleaner for a few hours a week, order supermarket shops to ensure you have decent food to nourish his child. This is basic stuff a decent man would do for the mother of his child, whether together still or not.

Sadly your DH is not anywhere near decent so I would not make any effort to contact him. I would just enjoy my baby in peace. As per PP’s put your CM claim and divorce petition in.

Don’t beg this fool to see his child.

If he wants to, he must agree a regular access routine with you or a court. I hope you have family/friend support and good luck.

If he cares, he can ask.

Sound advice about getting the baby a passport as a matter of priority after they arrive.

FFS

These replies are so insipid

This all the way. My ex used to try to manipulate me by being abusive but knowing I would feel guilty protecting/distancing myself because of the kids. Eventually I did put an end to the bullshit - he tried to make me the bad guy - but I refused to take the blame for HIS behaviour. Ultimately it saved my sanity and my kids' and my happiness.

Assuming that you didn't try to trap him and that's just him being a dick, I would mention it but only so you can maintain the moral high ground. What he chooses to do with that information is his choice.

How does one "trap" a man into having a baby? If he doesn't want kids he should be using contraception.

I’m still married to my ex husband. Been split for almost 7 years and explained that he is not the father therefore not on the birth certificate when I registered my youngest.

I’m in Scotland and my ex husband isn’t on the birth certificate albeit it he isn’t youngest babies dad and we’ve been split many years.

You absolutely do not have to put him on the birth certificate.

Op mentioned her partner had accused her of trapping him with the baby so I'm saying that I don't think she would have done that.