Should I tell him baby is here?

[AngieR87]

My partner left me around 10 weeks ago , while pregnant with his child. I have a few weeks to go. Originally I was going to tell him when baby was born....but in the whole time we have been separated I've only heard from him a few times and on non of those occasions has he asked how our baby is doing.

I couldn't imagine not knowing how my unborn baby was doing. Because he hasn't been in touch I don't really feel I should tell him when baby is born. What do you think?

He hadn't been very kind to me during this breakup. I don't know if it was said in anger but he said at one point baby wasn't his and that I trapped him with baby (he said he wanted baby when I found out?

AIBU by not telling him when his child is born and just wait for him to ask?

Don't tell him until after you have registered the birth (as you are married, he could do it himself otherwise).

I understand what you say and it has played on my mind too. But he even said baby wasn't his and that I trapped him. So in my eyes it's just excuses of why he doesn't want to be in baby life.

Are you in the UK?

Is this new that he has to go on the BC?

But the funny thing is this had been a rough pregnancy from the start and baby isn't OK. I've had complications and some he knows about and some he doesn't.

Is it petty after he tried to denied baby was his and that I trapped him, even after I had days and days of conversations with him about keeping baby?

I'd send a brief message saying, "baby is here and doing well." I wouldn't say if it was a male/female, unless he asked.

I'm in Scotland. I think it did change a few years back. In scotland if you are married at time of conception baby is considered yours and you will be put on birth certificate.

Gosh, that is a lot. If I were in your position, I would just focus on myself and the baby. Put him out of your mind for now.

Unfortunately we are married so he has to go on birth certificate

No, he doesn't. You could put him on there without him being physically present, unlike if you weren't married, and he could also apply to be put on there without having to provide proof he is the father, but you are in no way forced to name him when you register the birth. He doesn't seem like he'll bestir himself to get PR, does he?

Tell him when you’ve registered the birth (with your name) and have filed a CMS claim.

That’s soon enough.

I agree with you on that. It's something that's played on my mind

I agree with this. Unless he asks before this, I wouldn’t rush to reach out and tell him.

Register the baby (your name) before you tell him so he cannot go do it.

Serve him divorce papers. I know (from your other thread) you love him and want your family together, but you'll be better off without him.

CMS claim in once you've told him the baby has been born.

Do not agree to him having the baby alone for the first few months.

Please make an appointment to see a solicitor this week. Don't wait any longer.

It sounds to me as though he is expecting to hear from your solicitors and has calculated that leaving the country so that he can't receive correspondence is a good way of not engaging in the process.

I suspect that he is planning to leave the UK for some time.

https://www.lawscot.org.uk/find-a-solicitor/

I got in touch with my local registrar office. They told me has has to go on. We live in Scotland

I think he should be concerned about how his baby is doing, and he finds out that by asking how OP (the woman carrying the baby!!) is doing.

It sounds like an awful situation and I'm sorry you are going through it. He has shown he has so little regard for you and for his unborn child. I wouldn't be expecting much from him over the year.

I know very little about birth certs and all that jazz. As you say he needs to go on the birth cert. But are you living in an area you want to stay living in? If not I'd move before the baby is born. I think that changes how custody works. E.G. if you are living in Liverpool but want to move to your home town in Norfolk do it now. If the baby is born I think the other parent can cause hassle if you want to move.

He won't be able to register the birth without OP as he won't have the paperwork from the hospital that's required.

He doesn’t sound like a good person and it’s unlikely he’ll want involvement from what you’re telling us. Leave the ball in his court and it will more likely go in your favour if it gets to family court.

I wouldn't tell him.

Congratulations on your baby 💐

I'm sorry you are going through this but I don't think you should not tell him about when the baby is born because of hurt or him not asking how you are.

It's going to be the long game here and by the sounds of it he's already a tosspot but do you really want to risk him turning round in 10 years time and saying to your child well I didn't even know when you were born because your mother didn't tell me for x number or weeks/months!

It just puts a innocent child in the middle of potentially warring parents which is never a healthy place for any child.

He can't register the birth without the paperwork.
Be the bigger person for the sake of your child, put your feelings aside and then you can easily say to your child when older look I tried here's the info/email etc it's them who has lost out on you.

Start divorce proceedings now. You’ll be exhausted and busy after the baby is born. You want to enjoy those newborn moments as much as possible without worrying about finding a solicitor.

I’d tell him when the baby arrives but it doesn’t have to be immediately. Give yourself a few days to settle and recover.

THIS! You know what to do @AngieR87 Look after yourself ... and all the best.

Let CMS inform him of his child’s birth. If he wants contact then he can go through the legal process but it sounds like he doesn’t care enough to do it.

Are you close to anyone on his side of the family like ex MIL? She might deserve to know if she’s not a dick like her son.

This sounds so upsetting and stressful for you and you sound very hurt which is unsurprising. It’s your baby and your choice though, he shown no concern. If he had any interest in either of you he would ask so please don’t expect him to suddenly magic into a decent father. As others have said get onto a solicitor and get CMS claim in, also get your support network set up like family and friends. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time and he has really let you and baby down already. You will be a fab mum for your baby!

He’s a shit.
Of course you don’t need to tell him.
Get a diary or notebook and write down dates of all communication and what it’s about, so in the future you can show he didn’t have any contact about the baby and left you denying it was his.

Then after registered CMS for DNA and his payments. Tell your midwife if you’ve not done so that he’s left and it’s bad and he’s not allowed in the hospital/to contact you/he is not your next of kin (which would be auto if husband)