Should I tell him baby is here?

[AngieR87]

My partner left me around 10 weeks ago , while pregnant with his child. I have a few weeks to go. Originally I was going to tell him when baby was born....but in the whole time we have been separated I've only heard from him a few times and on non of those occasions has he asked how our baby is doing.

I couldn't imagine not knowing how my unborn baby was doing. Because he hasn't been in touch I don't really feel I should tell him when baby is born. What do you think?

He hadn't been very kind to me during this breakup. I don't know if it was said in anger but he said at one point baby wasn't his and that I trapped him with baby (he said he wanted baby when I found out?

AIBU by not telling him when his child is born and just wait for him to ask?

What exactly did you say? What year was child registered?

What year was your child registered? How did you explain being married but him not being child's father?

It was a shock pregnancy and I talk to him at length about my worries and never wrote off an abortion as I already have a lot or responsibilities and an older mum. He convinced me he would be there no matter what and that he wanted very much to continue with pregnancy.

I'm not sure it's possible to trap someone you're married to 😂

Honestly OP just try it when registering

"Me and my husband have been separated for some time, I don't know who the father is"

This is a ridiculous comment.

The baby has everything to do with it.

The man left and hasn't once queried the wellbeing of THE BABY or the woman carrying it. He knows there have been complications in the pregnancy.

Honestly, the bar for men is so low it's insane.

That's what most of my family and friends havw said too. I think he just regrets the baby and was using it as a way if trying to get to me.

It's definitely worth a try for me. The worst they say is no

May 2023, a friend in a similar situation registered her boy January 12 2024 ☺️
I simply said he wasn’t my babies dad therefore not to be on birth certificate.

No other questions were asked nor any proof. I took her hospital card with us and that was it.

Honestly thank you so much for this information. I am definitely going to consider it x

@AngieR87 he doesn't love you, you aren't a family and he isn't interested in you or the baby. It's time to accept that and time you start protecting yourself.

DO NOT put him on the birth certificate and DO NOT give the baby his last name or any name relating to DH. Make him get a court order to have name on the certificate.

Plan to contact a solicitor in the early months to establish primary care status and custody. You don't want the bawsack crawling back after the CMS get ahold of him claiming he wants 50/50 custody.

File for CMS immediately and do not negotiate with DH on anything.

File for Divorce. You don't want saddled with his debts and bad decisions.

Request spousal support as part of the financial mediation. You probably won't get it but if you don't ask, you don't get either. If you co-own the house, you can ask if you can keep residency until baby turns 18. Asking doesn't hurt on all counts.

Live your life for you and your new baby. Don't make anything easy for DH. He abandoned you at your most vulnerable. He is a shytebag.

But what about the baby’s right to have an honest, accurate birth certificate rather than “unknown” listed for the father?

@IfYouDontAsk the baby will still know who their father is, but it drops they piece of shit having parental rights, preventing the OP from taking HER child on holiday without his permission, changing schools, changing their surname if she remarries, allowing her child to be adopted by a new partner.

If he wanted to take responsibility for his child and have it added then I wouldn't say no. But so far he hasn't asked about his child and he has said he believes I trapped him and that baby is not his.

I'm simply giving him a way of showing he does really want to be part of babys life. No?

No I would keep him posted about everything. Your duty of care is to your child. If he walks away and is not a good dad it will be none of your responsibility then. You can look your child in the eye and said I did everything possible and he just didn't step up 👍. Good luck lovely and congrats ❤️

I’m not coming at this from the useless father’s perspective. It’s irrelevant whether he wants to take responsibility for the child or is happy about impending fatherhood.

it’s about the child’s right to have a birth certificate that accurately reflects their parentage. I think it’s utterly wrong to take that away from a child and falsely list the father as “unknown”. I appreciate I am in the minority in here though and I wish you all the best in this very difficult situation.

The fact that he hasn't bothered, why should you go out of your way to tell him?
You are gonna have your munchkin soon. Focus on staying mentally and physically healthy. Don't get yourself depressed over a grown ass idiot.

Perhaps it's because I come from a small town, even if I didn't know my neighbours and I got this request I would absolutely agree to do what Dad asked. And would like to think if my partner was in the same position, neighbours would help. Well done OP, sounds like you have some new friends who I'm sure will return the favour. And that little girl is going to remember your kindness. It takes a village as they say.

@RH1980

I think you've posted on the wrong thread ? as I also read the one about the neighbour being asked to do the little girl's hair plaits. and this isn't it.

I’m sure he’s capable enough of figuring out when the baby is due or he already knows the due date. I’d leave it for him to contact you to be honest.

Hmmmmm

No he can't, not in the UK anyway. It's very easy to walk away, go self employed or change jobs frequently and never pay a penny in maintenance.

Be the adult here and start off properly by not using your baby as an object to be used to gain points over this man.

Your baby has a legal right to a relationship with both parents, unless there is an absolute legal undisputed reason to the contrary (for example SA etc).

You have 18 years of co-parenting ahead of you @AngieR87 - make it harmonious for your babies sake.

You can absolutely do better.

To have a child's father named on the birth certificate, the mother either needs to be married to him, and present the marriage certificate, or he needs to be physically present at the registry office.

The OP doesn't suggest for a second she wouldn't be fully open with her child about their parentage.

However I'm sure you can agree that, eventually, sitting down with your child and explaining why the "father" space on the BC is empty will be something the OP has to do anyways (as he is already denying parentage so isn't going to rock up for registration). So why try and force him to sign it?

I'd be quite comfortable explaining to my child at the right age that I didn't push for his name to go on there as then he could control things like her schooling / her travelling / her freedoms in a way that I didn't trust him to do in her best interests.