Should I tell him baby is here?

[AngieR87]

My partner left me around 10 weeks ago , while pregnant with his child. I have a few weeks to go. Originally I was going to tell him when baby was born....but in the whole time we have been separated I've only heard from him a few times and on non of those occasions has he asked how our baby is doing.

I couldn't imagine not knowing how my unborn baby was doing. Because he hasn't been in touch I don't really feel I should tell him when baby is born. What do you think?

He hadn't been very kind to me during this breakup. I don't know if it was said in anger but he said at one point baby wasn't his and that I trapped him with baby (he said he wanted baby when I found out?

AIBU by not telling him when his child is born and just wait for him to ask?

I would say the same to my DC - if he loved you, he would have married you. None of that awful 'partner' business. Move on, forget about him.

They are married

Partner? Sorry, I thought they were not married. I stand corrected.

I would check that - I think that you dont have to.

You should put the name on for the child, however, you need to consider you as well

I am fairly disbelieving (not of OP - I've googled it, and it's true) that Scots law actively forces you to name your husband even if he is acknowledged not to be the baby's biological father. That is nuts.

What is this guy like as well, claiming to be baby trapped by his wife.

If he thinks the baby is not his, I'd be tempted to play him at that and not put him on the bc because paternity is 'uncertain'.

It is not in the child's benefit to have a shitty father who abandons the mother during pregnancy.

So if he wants to be a father, it's up to him to get involved. It's not up to you, OP, to spoon-feed him.

It doesn't. IF your husband is the biological father, you have to name him. If he's not, you don't.

He sounds like a wanker. Did he marry you just for a passport?

That's not true.

Why the actual fuck would she want him in the delivery room? The idea is to have supportive people with you to help the oxytocin flow not shut down and stall labour completely!

This is saying that as a woman she has to put aside her feelings and needs for the poor man to be there at his child’s birth, that he has abandoned, just to do the right thing?

I was in your boat just over a year ago. I wasted so so so much time o seeing over how I should treat him and what photos to send and what was fair and wondering what he was thinking or feeling. Stop that now and please get as selfish as you can before baby comes- only focus on yourself and your baby.
Have you made a plan for who is supporting you when baby arrives? I highly recommend staying with loving parents if you have them.
Please get counselling to help you process your feelings about the break up.
Feel free to dm me xxx

This sounds awful I'm so sorry @AngieR87. How are you doing otherwise? What a shock and completely different from how I'm sure you imagined it.

I've messages you. Thank you xx

What do you put down if you don't actually know yet who the biological father is?

Fwiw, I read a couple of Scottish law firm sites who gave an unambiguous "he HAS to go on", with no caveat re: "unless he isn't the father", and I guess they just have to take your word for it that he isn't, unless you show up with DNA test results?

If you are married? Your husbands name.

Unmarried? Leave it blank.

So if it was a straightforward birth I'd say baby been born, all healthy, x weight, we will be home xyz or we are home now. I am trying to establish bf so would like some privacy but you are welcome to pop round to meet baby for an hour on xyz.

I’d limit this to telling him the baby was born. If he wants to see the baby, he can be the one to ask about a date and time. And there’s no way I’d want him there for as long as an hour. If for some reason he actually stayed that long, he wouldn’t do anything helpful, and no one should feel they have to “entertain guests” with a newborn baby.

But it probably doesn’t matter, because he probably won’t ask to see the baby anyway.

I’m so sorry you’re in such a horrible situation, OP.

Could you go down to England to give birth and get them registered so he doesn't have to be on the birth certificate? I wouldn't bother contacting him, if he reached out and ask I would tell him they had been born and just answer questions, not offer up any information.

@DreadPirateRobots

What do you put down if you don't actually know yet who the biological father is?

Nothing.

That doesn't really answer the question though. Either your spouse at the time of conception HAS TO go on the cert in
Scotland, as OP's register office and the Internet says, unless you can definitively prove through DNA he's not the biological father, or he doesn't. If you can just say "well I'm not sure if my husband is the father", he doesn't have to go on, and apparently the law says he does.

You will be far more busy with a newborn baby than you are now. File for divorce asap.

ensure you register the baby with your name and don’t give him the babies full name when you do tell him. I would get a passport for baby yourself as soon as they are born, and place a notice on that his father is not allowed to request one as he could leave the country with them. He may be getting his paperwork in order so he can get a child passport for your newborn.

claim CMS and let them inform him

I was about to say the same and also don’t name him on the birth certificate.

It doesn’t mean that he can’t be involved if you want and he decides to grow the hell up one day, but it protects you from being beholden to some immature knob that then has parental responsibility.

@DreadPirateRobots

No you do not put someone on who isn't the father. The law is that you put your husbands on if he is the father and you were married at the time of conception

The law requires that you name your husband on the birth certificate where
a) you were married at the point of conception or afterwards
And
b) they are the child's father (sometimes referred to as the natural parent).

If the man does not fulfil both criteria the OP would not be obliged. So in a scenario where you don't know the parentage or you know it isnt your husband, you wouldn't be required to name your husband

😖 sorry, so annoying, I hate it myself when people don't RTFT. I did hit "see all" too 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP had described him as partner though in many posts, up until I posted , just before the update that he is actually her husband. (As in, I didn't read that update but read about 7 posts and missed the 8th).

Interesting advice about moving south and registering there/seeking a quickie divorce/ definitely worth getting legal advice OP. And fast

@NotQuiteNorma errrrrr because she’s carrying his child?

Christ the bar is low for men isn’t it.