To question my daughters dads parenting ..

[Julias21]

My dd (3 months) goes to her dads on weekends (lives with his mum so his mum looks after her half the time 🫣) so we had a fall out and don’t speak and go through his mum now. But when we were on good terms we went to church on Sunday , he smoked a cigarette on the way . Then when she dropped her dummy in church he picked it up and sucked it (I believe to remove any dirt/hair/fluff. But he did it right after smoking a cigarette. Aibu to think this is wrong and disgusting ? I meant after having a cigarette not in general. And he did it infront of me so god knows what he does when I’m not there . He smokes weed too and he’ll smoke it when his mum watches her so he might also suck her dummy after weed too. He also brings her back with her nappies so tight leaving red marks and nappy rash, I told them to put her onto size 3s like I have and they refuse and say size 2s are fine . Aibu? Thoughts ?

Also the smoking thing. When I was pregnant I told him not to do it around her and to always wash his hands after and change his clothes before holding her , he doesn’t do this either . My niece is asthmatic from second hand smoke and I keep telling them I’m anxious about it . I hate conflict and quite frankly scared to say anything again cause I’m always telling them

YANBU sounds like you are concerned about some of his basic parenting skill. Nappy rash suggests nappies not changed frequently or well enough.

@Bladwdoda I thought it was due to nappy being too tight I didn’t know that not changing enough could cause it ! I change her before each feed or when she needs before that but I’m unsure what they do ..

Yes that’s absolutely disgusting he really shouldn’t be holding her neither with Smokey clothing on you are right to be concerned. The dummy example is vile 🤢

How long is she in his care? 3mo is very young to have to be away from her primary carer for long periods of time.

@Insidenumber09 I thought the dummy thing was disgusting too, only cause of his Smokey breath ! Not actually sure if it’s a health concern but if not surely not nice ..

@SecondUsername4me they take her Friday - sun sometimes to Monday . We agreed 50/50 but this is only a recent decision because they wanted to see her more and I’m worried they’d take me to court if I lessened the days

Would any court in the land push a 50/50 arrangement onto a baby this young? I really don't think so!

You need to not let him have her for that long. No court would allow 50/50 for a 3 month old baby. He should be having shorter frequent visits and building up to longer ones.

At 3 months, she shouldn't be away from you for longer than an hour or two tbh.

@LadyDanburysHat @SecondUsername4me

really ? I didn’t know this ? I thought because he’s the father he has as much rights to take her as I do

@MyopicBunny oh gosh , what have I done :(

Please speak to your health visitor or someone else who can provide you with support.

I absolutely hate when she leaves me but I just don’t like the idea of court

Am I right in thinking that you are already pregnant again to him?

@SecondUsername4me i was . That ended in a chemical

It's not about yours and his rights - it's about baby's rights.

This was when I didn’t know what he was doing , and we were on good terms . I’m no longer with him

Ok. I'm sorry, that must have been upsetting for you.

@SecondUsername4me I understand that. But the Smokey dummy sucking I don’t think the courts would see that as of major concern.. am I right in thinking that?

Court would only rule once she is one year old.

And the contact is for her to bond with her father not "they".

@SecondUsername4me it was . But I guess a blessing in disguise.

But the Smokey dummy sucking I don’t think the courts would see that as of major concern

Different in parenting styles.

@Reugny yes different parenting styles . Are you saying they’ll see that as of concern ? I’m not quite sure what you mean sorry

@Reugny one ? I didn’t know that. I thought it was any age