To question my daughters dads parenting ..

[Julias21]

My dd (3 months) goes to her dads on weekends (lives with his mum so his mum looks after her half the time 🫣) so we had a fall out and don’t speak and go through his mum now. But when we were on good terms we went to church on Sunday , he smoked a cigarette on the way . Then when she dropped her dummy in church he picked it up and sucked it (I believe to remove any dirt/hair/fluff. But he did it right after smoking a cigarette. Aibu to think this is wrong and disgusting ? I meant after having a cigarette not in general. And he did it infront of me so god knows what he does when I’m not there . He smokes weed too and he’ll smoke it when his mum watches her so he might also suck her dummy after weed too. He also brings her back with her nappies so tight leaving red marks and nappy rash, I told them to put her onto size 3s like I have and they refuse and say size 2s are fine . Aibu? Thoughts ?

Just doesn’t seem right to me that a mum can do it but a dad can’t , am I wrong ? Maybe someone can inform me 🫣

Not if you're the primary caregiver, which you are, and the baby's so young.

Where do the baby's rights come into it?

She needs her mum more than her dad right now.

Especially when he's an incompetent waste of space stoner

Does she smell of it when you get her back?

You're the baby's primary caregiver.
She has the right not to be handed round like a box of sweets. You're in charge of keeping her safe. Your ex has proved that he's incapable of even basic care. Not only that, he actively puts her at risk.

She's a tiny baby. You absolutely must protect her.

Your ex can't change a nappy or feed his baby. He hands her to his mum when she cries.

He smokes weed around her.
He has never once put her needs above his wants.

He's been aggressive and violent to you.

He got you pregnant again within a few weeks of your baby's birth.

You must keep your baby away from this drug addicted abusive man.

Not that I’ve noticed , stale smoke sometimes when he’s handing her back to me cause he smokes cigarettes Aswell

Hey, did you not send the email in the end stating the contact you wanted?

And ask your Hv for advice?

You’re the mum and her protecter, do what you think is right, we’ve all given advice last week about what to do

You can do this, by showing you’re doing everything to protect her & contacting the different agencies for support, did you reach out to church members for support? Having people IRL helps a lot too I found, it makes you feel stronger.

Hey , I texted my health visitor and she gave me the number for the social services team in my area and I rang them today and told them my concerns
because it’s been less than 3 months since the sw closed the case and he’s in breech of the safety plan he signed (not to smoke weed or any drugs or be under influence etc around dd) the same social worker is coming out to see me and hopefully re open the case again

That's a positive update!
I'm glad you took the initiative and got in touch.

@TheShellBeach
@ThemysteriousH
@Lilysienna1

update .. sent the email as advised and got a text from his mum saying this.. I have contacted a solicitor myself and seeing them on Wednesday hoping they’ll help me .. now they don’t want her at all till it’s sorted but could be a while as woman said court dates take ages now . This is all because I said in the email he can have her every other weekend instead of every weekend . Basically fighting for 50/50 now .

She’s cutting her nose off to spite her face by saying that she won’t see her until court!

Also regarding solicitor - make sure it’s the free half hour you use. From my experience women’s aid also helped me whilst I did their “freedom programme” - which I highly reccomend.

It is up to them now to pay for court etc, not you, you’ve offered reasonable contact and it’s them that’s declined it so they have to apply to court, so please don’t waste money on it when you don’t need too. Easier said than done but try and stick to what you’ve told them.

And I wouldn't respond to her at all now. This is between you and the ex.

His mum has nothing to do with it.

will his solicitor contact me ?
social worker said I’m entitled to legal aid
im wondering how long it’ll take for this to get to court . Will they take on a 50/50 custody battle with a 3month old ? It’d not like I stopped contact .. they did

I’ve blocked her , he just needs mummy to fight his battles 🤣

How are things, @Julias21

Hi, seen the solicitor yesterday and she advised no contact at all so she’s writing him a letter. If he doesnt agree to residency order then he’ll take me to court obviously, I’m waiting on her sending me an email of what he’s saying to him ! So he’ll be taking me to court I guess . Dd dad actually emailed me today saying he spoke to his solicitor and wants us to resolve it ourselves apparently. I knew he was gonna ask to see her after realising it’s gonna be a lot of money and effort . But I’m letting him take me to court

Hey! Well done!

That's amazing. What a brilliant update.

He won't take you to court. Or at least, if he does, he'll be laughed all the way to the contact centre.

That’s amazing, good for you! Let him spend the money & stick to your guns.
Ive been through that situation and know how lonely and emotional such a decision can be, surround yourself with good people & support network & you’ll get through it 💙

How are you getting on, @Julias21?