To ask how parents manage after school activities when both work full time?

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Loads of brilliant after school activities near us, from the essential (swimming lessons) to fun extras (theatre, coding).

But, myself and my husband both work full time and currently our primary aged kids are in the mediocre after school club until 5.30pm.

How do similar families manage to get their kids to activities? Is the only answer an after school nanny? It's going to be very expensive for someone to pick them up from school, walk with them 10 min to an activity, wait around and then walk home with them again. Or is there another solution?

I'm seeing most of their friends doing all this great stuff because they have a parent working part time, and I'm feeling bad they are missing out.

We should never have let those women out of the kitchen that's where it all started going wrong.

I hear you and your reasoning, but that was how you felt and about your mum. Would your own children feel that way about you, or your husband? Only you know the answer. My own daughter hated being looked after by anyone other than me or her grandparents and I feel she needed me around at that age. She's benefitted hugely from me being able to help with school activities etc.. My son was a little more resilient, and he didn't care for beavers or cubs. I hope my opinion wasn't too hard on you, it's just how my gut feels. And you know your own children best. Good luck sorting it.

There's a thread on at the minute where the couple are paying £4k a month on childcare and allegedly struggling.

This thread is about after school. I don't think anyone is paying £4k a month for school aged children (unless they have many children, in which case your point stands).

Me cutting my hours so my son didn't need childcare would NO WAY mean I was earning the same. I earn a lot more than childcare costs.

People talk about their 'career'; no you have a job. My kids don't care about my job; they don't care about my husband's job either

From the web - "A job can be just going to work to earn a paycheck. A career means that each of your jobs, experiences, and training programs is helping you advance in pay or responsibility."

I definitely have a career. I WFH (scientific journal editor) and my sons both know, understand, are interested and care about what I do. I tell them about interesting papers I'm working on, or conferences I'm speaking at.

The only clubs we do in the week are rainbows, because it's at 6.15 and a club run by the school because they'll send them to after school club after. We just do clubs at the weekend instead my eldest is in a performing arts class and youngest does football and ballet.

I can't imagine going onto a thread and telling everyone what they are going to think on their death beds and that they have "just a job" and not a rewarding career. I think some people just cannot accept that there is more than one way to operate, which is theirs.

After school care costs me £300 a month for two children; I take home in excess of £4.5k. That is not a circle that can be squared by me cutting hours or stopping work (although I did work PT when they were younger). It also means I'm contributing to my pension as I don't want to be destitute in my old age, and I can afford to live near my family.

Also, I enjoy work and, to be honest, I enjoy the things we can afford as a result of it. We don't have to martyr ourselves on the font of parenthood, it's perfectly normal for everyone in the family to make compromises for the good of the unit. My DC go to ASC 4 days a week, and they understand that this gives us opportunities they wouldn't otherwise had - not just holidays, but music lessons and day trips.

My DM was a senior civil servant so we had a nanny growing up and I can honestly say that I have never, to my recollection, felt like I was missing out by her not being there to collect me from school. I did however greatly value her input when it came to big life decisions as a teenager, and how to navigate workplace politics and interactions as a young adult.

OP, to answer your question - they go to school organised things then on to ASC, we load up Saturday mornings with activities (at one point we did Irish dance, then cello, then both DC in swimming lessons) and because I work flexibly, I also spent a couple of terms working from the library on my laptop for an hour while my eldest did an activity there.

Can you make an arrangement with a friend who goes to a club? I work part time, so am lucky that I can do the club thing. I do collect 2 other children every week though, as each goes to a separate club with my child. I am going anyway, so it is no bother.

They have their swimming lesson at 6pm. We found a drama club that is also afterschool care and will collect them from school. The school runs several clubs - coding, karate, street dance, football - and they go to the onside afterschool club after.

I think these jobs do exist and are increasingly more common, especially with more hybrid and home working now, but it does depend on the company. I work from home and have flexi time. It’s so useful to be able to bank hours where I can and means I can say take DS somewhere, go to a meeting at his nursery (they’re doing Stay and Plays at the moment so I’m very fortunate to be able to go), when he’s at school it will mean being able to go to shows and assemblies and parent’s evening, but these are ad hoc events and not every week. The core operating hours in my company are between 8 and 6pm. I usually do 8/8:30-5 depending on whether I’m doing the nursery run that day. If I submitted my time sheet and it shows I’m regularly logging off at 3pm once a week (to say pick up and take DS somewhere) but not logging back on to make up my hours until 7pm after he’s in bed, this wouldn’t be allowed as 7pm is outside core hours. As a one off I could definitely get away with it, and people do unofficially do it but not as a weekly thing. When I did compressed hours I asked to work 7-5:30 so I could still pick DS up at 6. My request was refused because I was starting before 8am. I had to appeal it.

My mum was a single parent who worked full time.
We just did after school activities at weekends (swimming) and later in the evenings (Cubs, Brownies, drama). It was fine; I never felt I missed out on anything.

Nowadays, WFH helps to facilitate lifts to earlier-starting clubs for most parents.

I was a SAHM when my 3 children were at that age ( one was SEN so I had to actually pick up from school to get to therapy sessions during the school day until she got a different school placement)
However I often helped mums who worked outside the home with this sort of thing .
One mum I felt really appreciated that help and she made a point of having my child over occasionally ( maybe on a weekend)
or she would treat me to a coffee and cake out on occasion to say thanks
Another mum I felt she began to take advantage so I stopped

I fortunately work from home 2 days a week so i finish early one day and collect DD from after school club at 5 to take her to dance class.

I have to admit i feel guilty that im not around more to do things after school esp. Playdates.

I don't usually work full time, but there are times if the year when I up my hours to the equivalent off. Because my husband works shifts and pretty much every other week, isn't around in the evenings, I have to make sure that anything the kids do is something I can facilitate without him if necessary. We also have the one car so, even if he's around we can't necessarily divide and conquer with the two kids.

Honestly, it's hard to juggle. And I think some of it is about being selective. Like when there was a choice of slots for Rainbows, she went to the 5. 30 one. Swimming - arranged for a Saturday. Gymnastics - there was a choice of days/slots so booked the later one.

Sometimes I have had to say to the kids (DD10, DS7), I'm sorry I just can't facilitate that but will promise to keep my eye out for future opportunities that might work.

For an earlier club, I have also had unofficial agreements that, so long as I have done my hours, I can slip off early for it. You might also find that you can share with friends (or kids' friend's parents) perhaps they collect and drop off your child and you pick them up after the activity and drop them home. At least that would make the time slot later for you

Can you adjust hours? Me and hubby work full time, I start early and finish early for pick up, he does 9-5 and does drop off. Or could you arrange a schedule with other parents help!? Although I don’t think any classes after school is really essential! We never had after school activities as kids other than the odd thing very rarely! Wraparound care is just that, care after school where they’re watered and given a snack and watched! Whilst some are better than others at engaging with kids! The most kids want on top of the essential care is time with their parents which you provide after work and weekend

Around here the grandparents bring them, or their nannies. It's one of the main reasons why I haven't gone back to work. Some of my friends who don't have these help available end up spending the weekends ferrying their children to back to back activities and spending hours in the car waiting for them. Painful.

We do activities that start later with my 5 year old. Swimming at 6:30pm, Beavers at 5:45pm and then theatre school on a saturday morning

My kids do all sports (they aren’t into computers or theatre / dance etc), and train at quite a high level in some of their sports but these have always been later on in the evenings, certainly well after ASC finishes. Swim club is usually anywhere from 6pm to 7:30pm starting, running is 6-7pm, surf club is 6-8:30pm, rugby is 6:30-7:30pm, football is at the weekends….so basically it’s just never been an issue. We do sometimes go straight from ASC to sports training and they eat a picnic tea in the car on the journey there and back, but we’ve not had an issue getting them there.

I'm definitely going to look for some things starting later. Perhaps as they get older there will be more - most of it seems to be 4pm at the moment.

I don't work set 'hours' as such. I have goals for the year and I have a team I need to be there to train, and I have a lot of external meetings and some travel. So I'm flexible in a sense but I just can't commit to anything.

God I really hate the whole view that it's all about the mum being there. Firstly... dads. Secondly, from when they were babies they have been very close to all four grandparents, we're so lucky to have them around. But most still work too and don't live close enough to help with this.

We managed with both parents working flexibly.

Don't feel bad they are missing out. It's just part of you working full time. DH and I both work from home and have a flexible schedule. If the activity is just 10 min walk away, we could do it by having one of us pick up from school and then the other pick up from the activity.

But mostly our kids only do the after school activities at school. We have swimming on Sunday morning.

Also, once they are in secondary, they can walk to those themselves. We are more rural so we don't have that choice but have to drive them.

They definitely start later when they are in secondary. Guides start at 7.30, orchestra at 5.15. DC can get themselves home on the school bus. It's much easier to juggle work with after 5pm starts.

Honestly, I know there’s this prevailing view that “it has to be the mum” but in reality you just go with what works best. I agree with a prev poster who said there are lots of dads / grandparents doing club runs etc, and as I said earlier, it was my DH who went part time first, not me. And we did just not manage a lot of the clubs options till they were a lot older, and just did the ones on Saturdays that we could commit to.

And yes it gets a lot easier when they’re a little older as clubs often have a later option.

Best of luck with it. See what you can work out between you, and hold on for other options - holidays, weekends, later evening ones.

Oh I really don't mind ferrying my kids to activities in the weekend. When they were younger, we have ballet and gymnastics on Saturdays and swimming on Sundays. It allowed DH and I continue with full time work, I was more then happy to spend my weekend that way. Post covid WFH has made everything so much easier. We couldn't even do a 4.30 school pick up after school before. But we could now.

I have flexible working and liaise heavily with my ex to make it work for the kids. After school activities are proving problematic since DC started secondary.

Until 2020 we couldn’t do this, but since the. We both WFH full time and we can. We work outside normal office hour regularly, so can take back time as needed. We have children ages 21, 18, 11 & 8:.. our eldest 2 missed out, it wasn’t possible then, but it is now