To ask how parents manage after school activities when both work full time?

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Loads of brilliant after school activities near us, from the essential (swimming lessons) to fun extras (theatre, coding).

But, myself and my husband both work full time and currently our primary aged kids are in the mediocre after school club until 5.30pm.

How do similar families manage to get their kids to activities? Is the only answer an after school nanny? It's going to be very expensive for someone to pick them up from school, walk with them 10 min to an activity, wait around and then walk home with them again. Or is there another solution?

I'm seeing most of their friends doing all this great stuff because they have a parent working part time, and I'm feeling bad they are missing out.

I am surprised that in 2024 in a fulltime role there isn't the degree of flexibility that will allow each of you to finish at 4 once a week each. Either by working late at another time or starting earlier, what are these jobs ?

Well, I know quite a few folk who relied on the generosity of other parents who were able to take/collect their children for them, but not sure that's what to aim for. It might work if someone else is going there, doesn't mind, and you can maybe do something else to help them out at some point?

Are any of their friends doing activities they’d be interested in? Maybe you could arrange with another parent to help with dropping them off at an activity, if that parent is going there anyway?

I have to bribe my kids to do after school clubs at private school. I genuinely cannot believe the amount of children who do clubs every single week day after school and then more on the weekend. It’s also good for kids to have time to relax.

I suspect you may move in circles where this is the norm, so everyone feels they have to do it. There are an awful lot of children whose parents can't afford after school clubs or ration them to 1 or 2 at most.

I found it interesting that during Covid there was a lot of comment from parents about how restful it was not to be forever going to clubs. I sometimes wonder how many of them chose to reduce the number of clubs their children did, and how many just went straight back to a club every night.

I think the boring afterschool stuff is fine! I only went back to work full time a year or so ago and the mum guilt was strong, but the kids have really flourished in the 'supervised nothing' as another poster called, The school push them out the door in good weather and the games they have invented with the other cruelly abandoned kids sound amazing. THey do their homework there, which has made family life better. And I love my new job, I am making a real difference to the lives of people in the country I live in, so I guess I can think about that on my death bed....

Edited to add that when I worked freelance, I was around to drive them to places but the only thing we could afford was swimming lessons.

I would in your situation prioritise holiday clubs. Can you hire a wrap around nanny (maybe one with their own child) to do interest based drop offs and pick ups? There might be a teaching assistant on the look out of boost their income but has a child?

@shepherdsangeldelight I'm a Scout leader... the amount of activities the children seem to do is definitely increasing again. We often have kids coming straight to us at 5.30 having been to a swimming or dance lesson beforehand. This of course might just be efficiency as its the only evening available.

Also... we have a pretty even split between mums and dads at drop offs and picks up. With the odd car share and grandparent.

I flex my hours one day so that I can pick DC up and take them to a swimming. Another club we’ve just found is local and at 6.30 so we get them from club, 20 mins downtime then off to that. The other club is at the weekend.

Any more than that and we’d all be broken!

Can you flex one day for a club?

Our DC do most of their clubs on a weekend, they're both ND and tend to be knackered and need downtime in the evenings afterschool anyway so works better for us.

Afraid I'm with @brightyellowflower on this-and it won't be popular. I can't understand why people have children and neither parent is there for them after school or on weekdays. I can't imagine only having quality time with mum or dad at the weekend. Very few families I know in my area had both parents working full time when the children were this young. We sacrificed. Fair enough if it's impossible for one to parent to be more flexible or impossible financially, but I really feel for little ones whose parents are never there for them, Grandparents excepted.

Has to be weekend clubs for us, we have no other option. Eldest DS goes to cadets during the week but that’s only possible because it’s 7-9pm so DH is always home to take him.

@NojudgementGem that's a good idea, if another parent could take child to a club and OP / her DH collect at the end

Their parents are there for them though, they’re just also working hard so they can financially support them. Working parents shouldn’t be vilified. I’m a university lecturer, there aren’t many people qualified enough to do that job. I’m sure a lot of the doctors and nurses that help you when you’re sick are also parents, equally your children’s teachers.

Mine either did school clubs which meant they could go to the school after school club afterwards, did things after we were home from work or the weekends.
Occasionally I managed to swap some childcare with one of their friends parents where they would pick them up and take them to a club and look after them and then I would take their child to something either at weekends, later evenings or school holidays when I was off.

Please don't feel sorry for my son. As a lone parent (domestic abuse) I'm doing my best to juggle providing for him financially and emotionally.
Both my parents are dead and the GPs on the other side have degenerative illnesses.
Would I like it to have been different? Of course. Pity for my son from those who know nothing or are peering down for their pile of sacrifices isn't helpful.

We use flexi-time and take it in turns to clock off at 15.30. This means we can take DC to clubs, but also that they get a rest at home some evenings, and we get to spend more time with them.

Work at the weekends so I can have a day off in the week - day chosen to coincide with one club. Another I get to work early and leave early. Is a big rush though.

We found classes that start later (e.g gym and swimming at 6pm or later ) and classes that run on Saturdays (drama, swimming), arranged shared pick ups/drop offs with friends and their children for cubs/football. It all eats into “family time” but have accepted we will mostly be taxi service and facilitators for some years yet. It make evenings hectic and hard to do much else at weekends but it can be done with a dropping some standards e.g occasional readymeals or quick pasta and sauce , sometimes a little later to bed than planned.

I chose to work precisely because my mother was a SAHP. Her constant presence was stifling and it was not good for her mental health. I'd have much rather done clubs (which we couldn't afford as she was a SAHM) and had limited quality time as opposed to no quality time at all.

I reduced hours to 30 and work school hours across 5 days with one longer day (using ASC). It’s pretty frantic but we do clubs on a Tuesday at 6 (Brownies), Wednesday at 4.45 (Martial Arts) and Friday at 4.45.

I think people that are less confident of their own choice and the happiness of their children are often the ones that pop on these threads with the comments like this. Why would you think a child with a parent working evenings and taking them to clubs all over the place are any happier? You absolutely can't. Not every child wants to do multiple hobbies and there are ample hobbies available at weekends even so.

I agree but people are very defensive because they've been sold a lie. People talk about their 'career'; no you have a job. My kids don't care about my job; they don't care about my husband's job either. Lots of parents at our school both work full time and their lives are just beyond stressful.

Mumsnet users look down on people who want to stay at home with their children, as though working for a corporation is some amazing freedom.

Mainly families have been shafted because mortgages are all given on two incomes. It was much better in the past where it was one income, but the system was desperate to get women out earning. That's why houses that were built for working class people are nearly out of the reach of even high earners.
Mental health problems are sky high in teenagers and I think the lack of having their parents around is a factor.

Interesting thread as I’ve been mulling over similar because I’m interviewing for a new job and would need to change my hours.

-private school with AVAILABLE (unlike DNs school which has a 3 year waiting list) wrap around care 7.30-6pm.

-huge array of clubs at said school

-DH finishes early one day to do football training drop off

-I work 8-4 one day and collect DS from art club at school then he gets to go home and relax.

-Packed lunch for dinner before 6pm swimming lesson and straight into PJs after lesson.

-share lifts and favours with other parents. When I was on gardening leave, I gave a lot of lifts because I had time to.

However we can’t make swimming work if I change jobs. DS can swim to a decent standard to enjoy holidays and it’s just the way it is; he also likes eating, having clothes that fit and a roof over his head.

Weekend or evening activities. Dh and I are often working in the afternoons, even though dc are home with us, or otherwise busy doing life and not free to drive around to activities.

Our youngest doesn't do any activities, but eldest does sometimes 3 a week - one on Saturday morning (10am ish), one on Friday evening (5-7pm), one on Wednesday evening (7-8:30pm). It's easier when they get a bit older as don't have a 7pm bedtime anyway.