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Original poster

To ask how parents manage after school activities when both work full time?

226 replies

Blacknailer · 25/01/2024 07:10

Loads of brilliant after school activities near us, from the essential (swimming lessons) to fun extras (theatre, coding).

But, myself and my husband both work full time and currently our primary aged kids are in the mediocre after school club until 5.30pm.

How do similar families manage to get their kids to activities? Is the only answer an after school nanny? It's going to be very expensive for someone to pick them up from school, walk with them 10 min to an activity, wait around and then walk home with them again. Or is there another solution?

I'm seeing most of their friends doing all this great stuff because they have a parent working part time, and I'm feeling bad they are missing out.

OP posts:
Mel2023 · 25/01/2024 18:57

brightyellowflower · 25/01/2024 12:45

They don't . I don't know any kids who are decent at their sport who don't have at least one parent either not working or selfemployed and simply more flexible.

I deliberately sacrified my 'career' so I could be around for my children. I personally think it's a little cruel to have children at ASC til 5.30 every day anyway. If you're both working, could you downsize your lifestyle and one of you cut your hours down? Surely the reduction in wages would only be what you're paying out for childcare anyway? It was for me which is way I just simply changed direction. More important that my children come first than we have a fancy abroad holiday once a year to recover from a high flying job.

(Completely appreciate a single parent can't do that before anyone jumps on - I'm simply saying you shouldn't need two full time incomes to pay a mortgage and basic bills if you're living within your means)

I have a child competing in a sport at GB standard. No way could she be doing that if she was in school til 5.30 every day.

I think the use of the word “cruel” here is awful. Not everyone is in the position where they have the option to reduce their hours and not put children in ASC. We’re a two parent family, both of us have full time jobs. We absolutely need both our wages to pay the bills and mortgage. I can’t see this changing in the next couple of years before our DS goes to school (especially with the increase in our mortgage this year). I’ll be wracked with guilt that he’ll have to be in ASC every day (he’s already in nursery 8-6). I’m so aware he won’t be able to go clubs or even have much time to spend on homework with us when he gets home. I tried compressed hours for a while but I got so burnt out it made me physically ill so I had to go back to 5 days. My company doesn’t offer part time but even if it did the wage wouldn’t be enough to pay the bills. Other part time jobs and wages the same. I understand you don’t agree with children being in ASC - I don’t believe anyone would put their child in one every day if they had a choice - but the fact is you’re very lucky that you were able to sacrifice your job and still be able to pay your mortgage and bills. Not everyone has that luxury whether they’re a single parent or not. It’s not about fancy holidays. It’s about putting a roof over your child’s head.

alizee21g · 25/01/2024 20:05

I work part time but I don't drive so would struggle to take mine to activities they do. My partner works late Monday and Tuesday so he can finish earlier and take them to taekwondo on Wednesday for 6pm. On Friday he finishes at 4 and takes them swimming for 5:30. On Saturday morning they go to private language school (we're bilingual familiy) and eldest have additional taekwondo session. I do Saturday school run as it's based in town centre and easy to get to on the bus. It's difficult especially for my partner who does all the driving around; I work two full days and two half days.

brightyellowflower · 25/01/2024 20:06

But your argument makes no sense. Childcare is ridiculously expensive. You're literally AT work to pay for someone else to have your child. That makes no sense at all.

There's a thread on at the minute where the couple are paying £4k a month on childcare and allegedly struggling. Utter madness. Make way more sense for one of them to stop work or at least cut down on work. If I went back to work I'd be paying out approx £50 a day just in afterschool club - that's £1000 a month straight off my wages. I would rather work less hours, earn less but not pay out that £1000. Can't people see this?

I'm not lucky - i've chosen to have less. Less new clothes for me. less holidays (well actually no holidays as such) , no new cars, no meals out etc etc. I've chosen to prioritise being with the children I chose to have. My wage pre kids was £2000 a month. FT childcare for two for nursery was way more than that. Even now they're in school, I would not want to work FT for £1000 a month (after ASC costs) and not see my kids. Makes zero sense. Zero.

I simply do not undertsand the argument of anyone saying in a couple they can't afford to cut their hours but they can afford the ridiculous childcare costs. That maths doesn't add up.

The problem is most people aren't prepared to think of a different way of doing it. I work some evenings PT whilst my husband does days. Zero childcare costs. I still earn.

You dont like the use of the word 'cruel' because deep down you know it's not ideal. The only time your childcare costs would be less that your wage is if you're a high earner. If so, you can afford to cut down hours if you adjust your budget and live within your means better.

Zanatdy · 25/01/2024 20:07

Our swimming lessons were 5.30pm so I left work a bit earlier that day and picked up from after school club and went straight to swimming (they also did Saturday classes too). Football was one evening 7pm and Saturday morning and same for rainbows & beavers, I finished work a bit earlier or a friend dropped him with her son, and I then took her son home. Made it work somehow. They don’t have to do loads of things, for me swimming was the biggie

Whatsinthebag2 · 25/01/2024 20:12

brightyellowflower · 25/01/2024 20:06

But your argument makes no sense. Childcare is ridiculously expensive. You're literally AT work to pay for someone else to have your child. That makes no sense at all.

There's a thread on at the minute where the couple are paying £4k a month on childcare and allegedly struggling. Utter madness. Make way more sense for one of them to stop work or at least cut down on work. If I went back to work I'd be paying out approx £50 a day just in afterschool club - that's £1000 a month straight off my wages. I would rather work less hours, earn less but not pay out that £1000. Can't people see this?

I'm not lucky - i've chosen to have less. Less new clothes for me. less holidays (well actually no holidays as such) , no new cars, no meals out etc etc. I've chosen to prioritise being with the children I chose to have. My wage pre kids was £2000 a month. FT childcare for two for nursery was way more than that. Even now they're in school, I would not want to work FT for £1000 a month (after ASC costs) and not see my kids. Makes zero sense. Zero.

I simply do not undertsand the argument of anyone saying in a couple they can't afford to cut their hours but they can afford the ridiculous childcare costs. That maths doesn't add up.

The problem is most people aren't prepared to think of a different way of doing it. I work some evenings PT whilst my husband does days. Zero childcare costs. I still earn.

You dont like the use of the word 'cruel' because deep down you know it's not ideal. The only time your childcare costs would be less that your wage is if you're a high earner. If so, you can afford to cut down hours if you adjust your budget and live within your means better.

I'm definitely doing something wrong. We both work full time AND we have no holidays, two old cars, no meals out.

Also some people are working to directly pay for childcare, but childcare of that cost is short term, a career is a long term thing.

Keeva2017 · 25/01/2024 20:13

I put in a flexible working request plus occasional working at home so I can quickly ferry them and grandparents helping.

liveforsummer · 25/01/2024 20:14

A lot of our activities are/were evening ones

Normandy144 · 25/01/2024 20:17

We both work from home and I only go into the office once or twice a fortnight. So we just work flexibly to fit it in. They do a couple of after school clubs which are super easy because at least they're there on site. We do brownies/swimming and often lift share with other parents we know. If you work from home it should be very easy to fit it in. I appreciate it's harder if you're in an office or other setting you have to work out of.

brightyellowflower · 25/01/2024 20:19

MrsAvocet · 25/01/2024 15:05

I have a child competing in a sport at GB standard. No way could she be doing that if she was in school til 5.30 every day.
And I have a child who is on the talent pathway of his sport's national governing body and another who now works professionally in what was her childhood hobby. No way could they be doing that if I hadn't had the income to support them.
I grew up in a home where my Dad had an OK job and Mum was a SAHM. We weren't poor. We owned our own home, were never hungry, dirty or freezing but there was no money for "extras" of any kind. My only hobbies were Brownies/Guides because they were cheap. I longed to go to the clubs and classes that many of the other kids did but never could. I tried some of those things as an adult and in fact found a sport I love and probably could have been quite good at had I started as a child. But my parents could never give me the opportunities to find out. I didn't want my children to have that same experience if I could help it.
Parents who can afford to develop their children's interests, especially to a high level, without 2 wages are very fortunate. We could have paid the household bills on one salary but I doubt that any of my children would have even started their sports and other hobbies and we certainly couldn't have afforded the huge amount of money we have spent on training, kit and travel over the years to allow them to become "decent" at their activities. It's not black and white.

Simply not true. I earn £1000 a month. That's it. I find the money by sacrificing things that people are here think are basics/necessities. I barely have any clothes, they're replaced when they're beyond repair. I don't buy a new coat every year, or a new bag or new boots. I shop at charity shops. I use community grocers for food. I buy second hand. I shop around all the time. I absolutely do not take my kids on amazing holidays that cost ££££. I don't have my hair done, or my nails or my lashes, or have a cleaner or any of the other ridiculous things in my mind that mothers seem to think they 'need'

But I do find the £30 they need for regular privates lessons in their sport and I find the £100 they need to attend comps and the £200 they need for the hotel overnight stays . I find the £200 for kit when needed and the £350 a month for their basic training fees.

It is true though that some sports are cheaper than others. Theres another sport one of mine is amazing at but i've already accepted that financially there is absolutely no way I can fund any progress in that one. It's heartbreaking in a way but it is what it is.

That £1000 a month pays for everything after bills are paid - food, fuel, school uniform, shoes for the kids and their activities. We do 4 different sports between the two kids and then cubs/guides. I have zero family help as we have no grandparents.

If you want something, you find a way. Your childhood actually sounds a lot like mine. My dad only just recently said he admires that I've found a way to make it work and give the kids so many opportunites. He simply wasn't prepared to drive 25miles to the nearest ice rink for me to be a skater. On the other hand, I regularly drive that for my kids. I'm determined that I will make it work.

If you'd rather keep an employed job and put your children in childcare, that's what you do. It's all about choice. Not point feeling 'Mum' guilt when in 99.9% of cases it's absolutely a choice.

Vettrianofan · 25/01/2024 20:41

Ours are getting lunch time clubs at school, and after school. These are run by school staff. They are free.

stcrispinsday · 25/01/2024 20:47

Ours does two activities a week. On one day I skive off work early and take her, the other day my husband does it (easier for him as he's his own boss). I sometimes take my laptop and work for an hour in the viewing gallery.

The other three days she does after school club. The juggle is real!

adviceneeded1990 · 25/01/2024 20:50

Depends on your job flexibility and when the activities are.

We do - swimming lesson on a Wednesday (I’m a teacher and I use my planning periods to finish early, collect from school and take swimming), highland dancing lesson on a Friday (doesn’t start until 7), riding lesson on a Saturday afternoon (no one’s working) and a sports club on a Tuesday (DH work from home day, works through his lunch, finishes at 3, facilitates pick up, clubs etc til 6, back to work 8-9:30pm).

It’s a minefield of juggling sometimes and we’re lucky in that he has two WFH days and I have the ability to be “off site” so to speak from 3:30 and do my paperwork, marking etc from home at night. It would be very hard with 9-5 can’t leave the office jobs for both.

FifiRebel · 25/01/2024 20:50

Cloudnumber9 · 25/01/2024 07:36

I’m a lone parent and work 40+ hours a week. My child goes to 2-3 clubs during the week (plus daily wraparound care) and the weekends are spent doing other more general social things like birthday parties/play dates etc..
We have to rush around a lot, but somehow manage. There is no time for anything for myself and often the housework and food shopping is rushed at the weekend 😳

Same. I am a single parent, father involved once a month and I work full time as a senior civil servant. My son does Beavers and football after school in the week and swimming/football on weekend. I have my laptop out at football training during the week and take calls. I also call in favours with other parents if I'm travelling away for work and reciprocate as much as I can. I can't imagine how much easier it would be either another parent!!! I do everything myself.

Tinysoxxx · 25/01/2024 20:54

Also some people are working to directly pay for childcare, but childcare of that cost is short term, a career is a long term thing.

That’s because childhood is a short term thing. I doubt many people look back on their death bed as say I wish I spent more time at work - let alone just to pay for childcare unless they really didn’t like their children.

Beezknees · 25/01/2024 20:55

I am a lone parent. DS did weekend hobbies, and Beavers when he was younger in the week that started at about 7pm I think. Swimming was on Sundays and so was his other hobby. He also did guitar at school in school hours, but wasn't really a serious thing, it was just for fun.

Whyamiherenow · 25/01/2024 21:12

We relocated back to where we came from but both wouldn’t choose to live really …. Thanks to flexible home working job for me and a transferable job (national company) for my other half. So in short. Flexible working (we both work four long days weekdays only) and family support (think small town and essentially related to most people but a good ten who will pick up and ferry children about). Otherwise children couldn’t do half what they do. We may relocate again when childcare needs are over.

HauntedPencil · 25/01/2024 21:18

brightyellowflower · 25/01/2024 20:06

But your argument makes no sense. Childcare is ridiculously expensive. You're literally AT work to pay for someone else to have your child. That makes no sense at all.

There's a thread on at the minute where the couple are paying £4k a month on childcare and allegedly struggling. Utter madness. Make way more sense for one of them to stop work or at least cut down on work. If I went back to work I'd be paying out approx £50 a day just in afterschool club - that's £1000 a month straight off my wages. I would rather work less hours, earn less but not pay out that £1000. Can't people see this?

I'm not lucky - i've chosen to have less. Less new clothes for me. less holidays (well actually no holidays as such) , no new cars, no meals out etc etc. I've chosen to prioritise being with the children I chose to have. My wage pre kids was £2000 a month. FT childcare for two for nursery was way more than that. Even now they're in school, I would not want to work FT for £1000 a month (after ASC costs) and not see my kids. Makes zero sense. Zero.

I simply do not undertsand the argument of anyone saying in a couple they can't afford to cut their hours but they can afford the ridiculous childcare costs. That maths doesn't add up.

The problem is most people aren't prepared to think of a different way of doing it. I work some evenings PT whilst my husband does days. Zero childcare costs. I still earn.

You dont like the use of the word 'cruel' because deep down you know it's not ideal. The only time your childcare costs would be less that your wage is if you're a high earner. If so, you can afford to cut down hours if you adjust your budget and live within your means better.

After school club for me is £6.75 so this is sheer balls.

TheMoth · 25/01/2024 21:20

Our kids only did the ones that started after 6. Swimming on Saturdays or Sundays. They managed to do martial arts, dance, beavers etcThey also learned that sometimes you just can't do what you'd like.Play dates with kids whose parents worked shifts, whilst I'd return the favour in my holidays. They do/ did 2 activities each. 3 of you include swimming. That's plenty. You just need to find the ones that start later and make your kid like that one. Thankfully, mine are both shit at team sports, so I only lose weekends to my job and not muddy fields.

The argument about only working to pay childcare doesn't really hold when they're in school and you're paying before/ after school.

I didn't get to do clubs when I was growing up, because my parents couldn't afford them. Was that cruel?

HauntedPencil · 25/01/2024 21:21

Urgh to some of the comments on here. It's not feasible for everyone to work evenings or part time. Some people are lucky & able to work at home and others not - everyone has different financial situations.

Phineyj · 25/01/2024 21:25

£6.75 is a very cheap ASC. That has got to be subsidised surely?

HauntedPencil · 25/01/2024 21:32

Not really the point but I don't believe so. Childcare is not necessarily expensive at the age of child we are speaking of.

KateLizAn · 25/01/2024 21:35

I start work at 8am, DH takes them to school and starts work at 9am. I finish work at 4pm and do their extra curricular stuff and DH gets home at about 6.30pm.

Tag teaming is how we make it work but not foolproof as I find it hard that I HAVE to leave bang on time to get back for the kids. Luckily have an understanding workplace!

Ecnerual · 25/01/2024 21:35

DH is full time condensed WFH with flexible working and I'm a shift worker (three 12.5 hour shifts a week).

It's still difficult though, especially since we have one car which I use to get to work and my shift pattern varies so DD sometimes ends up missing swimming lessons because there's no public transport to her pool.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/01/2024 21:39

After school babysitting can be affordable. A few children at dc’s primary school used one. Was easy job imo - pick up one well behaved girl from school take her to gymnastics etc and sit in cafe and wait. One was a retired lady, one a mum with a baby (baby went too)

RootVegAndMash · 25/01/2024 21:40

We both work full time compressed so there are two days a week when one of is is off. Youngest dc's activities are on those two nights as you need to stay.

Eldest two dc are teens but luckily their activities (Basketball, football, gym) are all within a 5 minute drive and I wfh and manage my own time. So I usually take ten minutes here and there to drop them off and pick up where needed.