To ask how parents manage after school activities when both work full time?

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Loads of brilliant after school activities near us, from the essential (swimming lessons) to fun extras (theatre, coding).

But, myself and my husband both work full time and currently our primary aged kids are in the mediocre after school club until 5.30pm.

How do similar families manage to get their kids to activities? Is the only answer an after school nanny? It's going to be very expensive for someone to pick them up from school, walk with them 10 min to an activity, wait around and then walk home with them again. Or is there another solution?

I'm seeing most of their friends doing all this great stuff because they have a parent working part time, and I'm feeling bad they are missing out.

Sharing with other parents and dh
Reducing hours at work and a flexible job

A friend of mine pays another friend to take both of their kids to their afterschool club. No idea how much, but it works for them.

As people have said, children don't need to do extracurriculars but if you go down this route, you could try and do a mix of weekends, sharing pickups drop offs with other parents ( they drop off, you pick up for e.g.), paying a student to do it, waiting till they're older and clubs start later.

For what it's worth, we have to pay for ASC for every day of the week as while we don't need it all the time, our schedules change and the school doesn't allow to 'pick and mix'. On the days we don't need ASC, Ialways ask DC if they want me to drop them off and pick them up at normal times. They always decide to attend ASC so it really doesn't have to be experienced as punishment.

(On another note, someone said after-school club was £50 a day. There must be a lot of variations across the country. That would pay for three kids where we are!)

This is such a weird response to me. In your case your wages and the cost of childcare balance out. Fine.

In my case after school club is about £10 and I earn over £100k and my husband a good amount too. So the maths is not the same and I'm not sure why you would just assume that.

But, even if I did not earn that much I personally do not feel it's cruel not to spend every evening from 3.15 with my kids. In fact, the issue we're discussing here is about an ok but dull after school club compared to some more fun and useful clubs, like theatre, dance, sports, coding. There's a Lego based engineering club they would like to try. But either way they aren't going to be spending that time with me.

That's without getting into my thoughts on continuing with my career being selfish... Do you think that about all fathers too?

Anyway. If necessary I could pay someone to pick up the kids, wait around and bring them home. But that's a lot of money for not doing that much so I was interested in other ideas.

Lots of ideas here - au pairs, local teenagers, clubs that start later, sharing with other parents etc. Plus some reassurance that they don't necessarily need to do everything.

Oh and no I can't cut my hours. I could afford to financially certainly but my job is not possible part time or even 9-5.

My DC were in wraparound care once they were at primary school. It's only now that my youngest (in year 6) takes the bus home with a class mate. I have had to take DC to clubs on my day off in the week (I work FT over 4 days, and I'm a single parent) or take them to clubs at the weekend. It's the only way I can do stuff.

We barely did any, too tricky with my work commute and DHs shifts, we only have 1 car and if he's on nights he always takes it. DD1 did brownies once a week when she was 8, it lasted around 9 months, she got too tired to go after school. DD2 did swimming lessons for about the same time frame.
It was always a relief when they finished, it's just too tying rushing about in the evenings.

Send them to after school club with a packed lunch/ picnic tea, rush out of work as soon as I can, collect them and take them to the club, rush back home for dinner, clear up, get the kids to bed them get the laptop back out and attempt to finish all the work I should have done earlier.

Find a friend who's child does the same club, they do the school pick up and drop off and you do the collection.

Do later clubs.

Do weekend clubs instead.

Basically a combination of the above, it's exhausting.

This is ridiculous, after-school childcare and breakfast club is like £15 a day. Hardly breaking the bank and wiping out a full time wage is it.

It's not just the working less hours either, what about your pension and employability in the long term?

Would you make the same comments to a father? Or is just because she is a mother that you think working for a living is 'cruel'?

Talk about women upholding the patriarchy...

For women with an actual career it makes total sense to work and for the family to pay childcare, even if they make a net loss. Those years paying in to a pension and progressing pay dividends in the future.

You are focusing on only the immediate cashflow position @brightyellowflower. It’s the long game that matters, and all the research shows that the children benefit from
working parents, it’s not a detriment.

I opted to go slightly part time because I am an older parent with nothing to prove in my career and I wanted to work a bit less (I do 4 days) and it actually benefited me financially (perversely) due to tax reasons. But I’d never stop work completely
or completely crash my career for the few years my child is young and be financially dependent on another person.

What about dad's who work full time? Do they get the same guilt trip?

Back in the day, wth both of us in FT jobs, only one after school class and the au pair took DD there, I picked her up. There was no after school care in those days. Other activities had to be Saturday.

I'm not sure why children need to be in lots of activities, particularly after a day at school. Time to unwind is good too, but then to be fair, DD never asked for such things and loved just being home.

Back to the OP, as others have said, you will rely on others to take your child to activities, and judging by the MN threads complaining about some not pulling their weight, be scrupulous about sharing the load.

(again I'm not including single mums in this, you're doing the absolute best you can for your kids but honestly, any Mum who has the choice to go PT and would rather have their career is putting themselves first, not the kids, whether they like the truth or not, with the justification that they're earning more so can compensate with a fancy holiday and all the latest gadgets. Plenty of time for a career later. Kids want you home when they're home at 3.15)

How do you know what the justification of such women is? I imagine it would be 1. Quite varied 2. None of your business.
What on earth makes you think there is always plenty of time for a career later?
Why are you letting single parents off your judgmental hook? By your arguments they're still fucking their children over by not being there at 3.15. , just not wanting to.
What about the men? You leave them out of this very conveniently.

Simply not true.
What isn't true? That my parents couldn't afford to pay for things for me when I was a child or that DH and I could not have afforded the opportunities our children have had on one of our salaries? How on earth can you know that without knowing anything about us - what we earn, what we do for a living, where we live, what our lifestyle is like, what our children do etc?

I find the money by sacrificing things that people are here think are basics/necessities. I barely have any clothes, they're replaced when they're beyond repair. I don't buy a new coat every year, or a new bag or new boots. I shop at charity shops. I use community grocers for food. I buy second hand. I shop around all the time. I absolutely do not take my kids on amazing holidays that cost ££££. I don't have my hair done, or my nails or my lashes, or have a cleaner or any of the other ridiculous things in my mind that mothers seem to think they 'need'
And you think that's unusual? I could say "me too" to most of those things. Do you honestly think that you're the only one who prioritises spending on their children and that everyone who works longer hours than you is a spendthrift who makes no sacrifices? Now that's "simply not true".

It is true though that some sports are cheaper than others
Well that is one thing we can agree on. And from the figures you give it would appear that you're fortunate that yours have chosen relatively inexpensive ones. I can assure you that you would not have been able to fund my children's activities for the amounts of money you quote.

I have zero family help as we have no grandparents.
Me too. Well my PILs are still alive but are very elderly and live hundreds of miles away. My parents have been dead for a long time. Not particularly unusual I wouldn't think and I'm unsure why you think it is relevant.

On the other hand, I regularly drive that for my kids. I'm determined that I will make it work.
So you're also fortunate to have your sports facilities nearby then? And that will be reflected in your transport costs.I can't imagine viewing 25 miles as too far to drive for anything - school is nearly that far for us. Its just under a 300 mile round trip to my DS's talent pathway coaching one night a week plus an average of 2 weekends a month on top of club training and matches. I have never calculated the annual travel costs and I think I prefer not to know! But I can guarantee it is a lot more than I could fund by cutting down on non essential spending elsewhere.

Theres another sport one of mine is amazing at but i've already accepted that financially there is absolutely no way I can fund any progress in that one.
Or
If you want something, you find a way
Which is it then? On one hand you're arguing that I am not telling the truth when I say it wouldn't be possible to have funded my DC's hobbies on a single salary but then it's heartbreaking that your child can't pursue a particular sport because of financial constraints. So you can't actually "find a way" for everything can you? There's a limitvto what can be achieved by thriftyness. You have decided that that's where your line is. Maybe you could fund that other sport if you changed job or worked more hours but you choose not to. Which is entirely your prerogative. You are doing what you think is best but you're making compromises too. Working very long hours does limit what you can do with your kids but so does having a limited income. Most of us have to find some kind of middle ground and there is no one size fits all answer. Just because you can give your children (most of) the opportunities you want them to have on your salary does not mean that everyone can.

Not point feeling 'Mum' guilt
Nope no guilt here - not sure what gave you that impression. Nor am I determined that I will make it work because already have done. The youngest of my children is now 18 though still at school and the others are "proper" adults so I'm pretty much finished with this stage of life and don't think I have done a bad job. I'm not perfect of course but my children are now all well balanced, happy, healthy and successful young adults with whom I have great relationships. I'm sure I've made mistakes but I'm fairly confident that my basic parenting philosophy hasn't had any horrific effects. I don't think my way of doing things is the only way of raising happy young people though because people are different. I'm perfectly happy to try to understand other people's perspectives. It's interesting. You should try it some time.

Do your kids really want and need to do these activities? I'm asking because often it seems it's competitive parents who push their kids into excessive extracurricular activities, thinking this will help them become more employable/'successful'.

Of course everyone needs meaningful things to do, and friends and social practice, but are they actually and truly disadvantaged by the 'mediocre' after school club? I personally prefer the after school care because it's the easiest option for everyone.

IMO kids don't need 3-4 hobbies. If you do one thing in weekends that's totally fine. When your kids are old enough to truly benefit from extracurriculars, they'll be old enough to travel there by themselves.

By definition, the vast majority of kids who “do” a sport are not going to get to the top level (or work in a related field). In fact, most of these activities, IME, get dumped as soon as the GCSE work gets challenging.

Most families with two breadwinners are not doing this so that they can spend money on expensive clothes or flashy cars. They are doing this so that they can help their kids leave university debt-free and have a housing deposit, and so that they can pay off their own mortgages and put some money into their own pensions and investments, to ensure that they are sorted out and that their kids are not going to be left in a pickle later on trying to look after financially unstable elderly parents.

We live in an age of increasing life expectancies, growing housing costs, medical costs and care costs, universities that are going to have to raise their fees A LOT or go bankrupt (have you seen the news? Uni is about to get a lot more expensive!), and local governments going bust and saying that they can’t provide more than the absolute basic in terms of public services. Given this reality, I’m just a little bit… “huh?”at the casual way in which so many people on here are recommending that the OP either sacrifice her own income and long-term earning power OR buys expensive solutions like au pairs and childminder-taxi-type people to schlep children around every day, while also presumably dropping a whole lot more money to pay the fees for the actual extra-curriculars themselves. They are not bloody cheap. All this for what are basically, at the end of the day, hobbies - and hobbies that most kids will quit at a certain age and probably never do again.

It’s good to keep kids away from loafing around with screens all day and it’s nice for kids to have a hobby. But the club the OP is using is presumably already keeping them kids away from screens, and a hobby or pastime, maybe one per child, can be done at the weekend. There are some good holiday childcare clubs which provide some great extras and let kids get a taste of many different activities, and the OP could look into finding a good one for the summer holidays. I really do think that the above is enough? I don’t do a hobby club every day of the week and I don’t think kids need to either.

Do your kids friends attend any of these clubs? Wondering if there’s an opportunity to link up with another parent you know, maybe they’d be happy to take your child after school if you do the pick up after club and bring them home? I’ve done this for years so that my daughter could attend dance class mid-week and my friend was always happy to be home to cook dinner without having to go back out to pick up so it was of mutual benefit.
I’ve also been lucky to have family who can help when needed as even though I recently changed to part time, the club timetables don’t always work out on my days off

One night a week was allowed and then one on the weekend sometimes

I struggle with this too OP. DH and I both work FT, and DC manage to do a decent amount of activities but it is a lot of juggling. Each of them does two evening activities per week - 5.30/6pm ish (football, cubs etc), and one activity straight after school. We do have a bit of flexibility to enable this - I pick up a 3.30pm one day, DH picks up at 4.15pm another day and GP do pick up one day too.

Weekends are busy too with swimming lessons and football matches.

Weekends / schedule for wfh days / later in evening / clubs the school offers directly before or after.

It is slightly chaotic.

Fucking hell, there are a lot of misogynist women on this thread.

My kids ARE actually proud I work hard and we still find a way to make sure one of us is there for sports events, pick ups, etc. Just because you’ve chosen to be a stay at home mum or work part time, don’t try to put your inferiority complex on those of us who work full time.

After school or at weekends. I do think there is a proliferation of these clubs and activities now. When growing up, we just played out.

Not really a solution for you particularly but my daughter’s after school club was excellent and provided a whole range of activities that made up for the fact we couldn’t transport her to any clubs. We were lucky though- it was close to her school and they collected her from school and was much better than the chill out and do whatever official school run one. She did a whole range of sports, crafty stuff like pottery etc. So as I said not a solution if you don’t have it available but I think I good model for how after school clubs could be run.

These clubs are nice to do but really your kids will be fine without them. We are in a similar set up and do activities at the weekend (swimming, football and an art class)

I worked from home one day a week and DH used to compress his hours so he could get home for school pick up twice a week and then take to after-school activities. And one of the activities was quite late on a Friday evening (a swimming class at 6pm) so I was home in time anyway. DS didn't do something every night and things used to move around, but it meant we were available most of the time.