To ask how parents manage after school activities when both work full time?

[Blacknailer]

Loads of brilliant after school activities near us, from the essential (swimming lessons) to fun extras (theatre, coding).

But, myself and my husband both work full time and currently our primary aged kids are in the mediocre after school club until 5.30pm.

How do similar families manage to get their kids to activities? Is the only answer an after school nanny? It's going to be very expensive for someone to pick them up from school, walk with them 10 min to an activity, wait around and then walk home with them again. Or is there another solution?

I'm seeing most of their friends doing all this great stuff because they have a parent working part time, and I'm feeling bad they are missing out.

Also ironically, we DO go private and it's if anything worse than the state provision- a massive annoying smug assumption that everyone has unlimited time and a parent at home or full time nanny. They make absolutely no childcare accommodation including things like clubs that run 4-5pm, in school, when school finishes at 3.20 and they can't stay on site.

@BillionaireTea that sounds really poorly organised

We mamage by wfh with flexible working, snd i block out the early pikc ups in my diary (though not always possible) however we both travel as well and sometimes if were away or have a late meeting or v busy we ist have to accept they will not always make it. We also have neighbours whose kids do some of the same activities. Some neighbours we help out in an emergency (one of us is stuck on a train, the other picks up from school and takes to activity since going anyway). And some neighbours we have a really complicated schedule of lift sharing with. We also only do v convenient activities that are within a 5 minute drive of the house as logistically can't get to any more. Weeks are absolutely hectic and involve us working evenings/ weekends to catch up on missed time for kids clubs, and if one of us is away for more than one night its a logistical nightmare

Clubs at weekends or the very rare one we find that starts at 6.15pm onwards, but only since DD got a bit older as that was too late for a club in KS1. School run some afterschool clubs but only for a term then they change.

At some point DC were in private school - great clubs every day as part of wrap around care. That really was the big plus of private.
then moved, now much closer to state school. I have two afternoons a week off, so they can do aftetschool activities then, plus one at the weekend. It only works because everything is within 5 mins of our house…

I agree with this, my kids have benefitted from mingling with kids of all ages at the school after school club, they know kids from Reception to year 6

OUr school does some clubs in-house (coding, football, baking) and the after school club takes the kids after those clubs so they can still attend

Brownies straight from ASC (my OH finishes slightly early to take them), gymnastics is at 7pm and swimming is on weekends. She wants to go to her friend’s ballet class but it’s 4.30 so we just can’t flex it, it’s sad but what can you do?

Our school does some clubs and the ASC club will facilitate this so they collect them from the club but she’s not interested in these activities. The junior school offers some great options though.

I agree, ASC has been great for my son - it's basically a big playdate. His strongest school friendships are with the ones who go there, especially as the classes get shuffled every few years, but ASC remains constant.

Thanks for all the contributions, no magic solution as I expected!

Unfortunately because the primary is a one form entry it doesn't offer lots of clubs on site as there's just not enough kids.

The after school club is ok, it's just a bit dull for them as they are there 4 days a week and I know would enjoy other options more. We are being asked constantly by the kids to pick them up early.

Sharing with other parents would be a great option as we could probably manage a drop off every other week. The issue is that my job in particular is not just all day but many evenings too. I don't feel we can be very reciprocal in arrangements.

They do clubs in the holidays, although similar issues if they aren't 9-5.30. Lots of interesting holiday clubs seem to be 10-3.

I am actually trying to encourage my husband to go more part time partly for this reason. Or to do more work where he can control his hours. Will keep on the lookout for a local responsible teenager too.

It's difficult. For us it was a combination of me working slightly less than full time, DH working from home a lot and catching up in the evenings and lift sharing with other parents.
It always confuses me a bit when I hear parents (usually Mums) who have been SAHP when their children were babies saying that they'll return to work when the children start school, as if things suddenly get easier then. I found it much harder to juggle work and family once they were at school, partly because of school hours/holidays and partly because older children do so many other things. Yes, you don't have to do as much for them physically and hopefully aren't getting your sleep disturbed as much as when they are younger but I found it way harder to keep all the plates spinning.
A lot of people where I live have extended family members locally who do a lot to help with this kind of thing and I was lucky enough to make some good friends whose children were in the same school and did the same hobbies so they/their family would take my DC along with them then DH or I would collect and take them all home when we'd finished work. If you're not able to make similar arrangements I guess the only option is to pay someone. It's hard. I sympathise. I think I found this one of the hardest things when my children were young.

I wfh and book the time out in my calendar for dc activities and school run.

I need to work in the evenings for my role so it works out.

We’ve only ever picked clubs that start after 6pm. We didn’t some earlier ones - gymnastics at 4:30 but this was when the ex was able to take them, when he couldn’t I then struggled and it stopped. Swimming we managed to get for 6pm time and it took a bit of research to find one we could do. I actually work part time but often they were on my work days. We now mostly do weekend activities. Should add that I’m a single parent for the last 10 years and this tends to fall on me as ex lives a bit further away and works random days and times.

It is hard! DH and I both work full time but condensed so we have a day off each, we also work flexibly. DC1 has clubs every week day except Wednesday - the earliest is at 5pm which DH takes him to on his day off. His 5:30pm clubs are on days we both work, and both DC are in the after school childcare on one of the days, but we collect them just before 5 so we have time to make it. On the other day, grandparents collect them and we work until it’s time to leave. Flexi working and being able to work from home when we want is key.

We just juggle a lot! I work full time but condensed hours (Tues-Thurs) DH wfh 3 days a week and I can wfh too.
Monday night DH takes DS swimming at 4.15 while I look after DD and sort tea. The rest of the week we're like passing ships. I work late Tuesday and DH sorts kids, Wednesday I take DS to Karate 6-7pm after another school mam very kindly has DS for tea every week. Thursday DS does Science Club, followed by tea club, then DH collects him and drops him off for Beavers after picking up DD, and I pick him up at 7pm after work. I work late again Friday while DH has kids. Then Saturday morning I take DD to Ballet. (DD is only 2 so not as many activities plus I take her somewhere every Monday 1-1 like gym or swimming).
I'm exhausted 🤣🤣

They don't . I don't know any kids who are decent at their sport who don't have at least one parent either not working or selfemployed and simply more flexible.

I deliberately sacrified my 'career' so I could be around for my children. I personally think it's a little cruel to have children at ASC til 5.30 every day anyway. If you're both working, could you downsize your lifestyle and one of you cut your hours down? Surely the reduction in wages would only be what you're paying out for childcare anyway? It was for me which is way I just simply changed direction. More important that my children come first than we have a fancy abroad holiday once a year to recover from a high flying job.

(Completely appreciate a single parent can't do that before anyone jumps on - I'm simply saying you shouldn't need two full time incomes to pay a mortgage and basic bills if you're living within your means)

I have a child competing in a sport at GB standard. No way could she be doing that if she was in school til 5.30 every day.

My kids only do clubs accessible through school and a Saturday activity. That doesn’t help you much.

I guess, given the choice to pick, and stick one with one activity for a year, what would they choose ? Your approach is a bit conceptual rather than my child is mad about X. It’s easier if you have a specific problem to solve than a conceptual if one of us didn’t work, they could try all kinds!

Another way of looking at it is that you both work so there’s more cash and holidays to cover. A week or even a few days of multisport, or football or sailing camp will give them a similar level of skill to a weekly one hour lesson for months? the social side is slightly different but clubs like guided and Boy Scouts are usually after 6pm.

We moved DC to a different school where specific ASCs were on offer before the end of the working day.

It's a shame your DC school don't offer any decent clubs. That's how we manage mostly, DD has done several fun clubs over the years and goes straight to after school club.

She does her main hobby on Saturdays though. The club have classes during the week too but we can't get her there due to our working hours.

She took up an instrument in the last year and actually, those lessons are after 6 so it's manageable with full time hours. How old are your DC? You might find as they get a bit older there are classes with a later start time that you can manage.

We don’t unfortunately, the kids have definitely missed out but they do get swimming as there’s a good day for us in the options. Unfortunately it’s one of the ways my kids lose out- before I returned to work we couldn’t afford it!!

Working flexible hours, I start early at 8am, DD gets herself to school - then I take my lunch at 2:45 to pick her up and drive her to dance class then work till 6 and hang around for 45 mins to pick her up.

it sucks. But she loves dancing.

We’ll be in the predicament if nothing changes before DS goes to school in a few years. You just have to accept that clubs are for weekends and not after school, as you can’t take them. It’s sad as like you I’d worry DC was missing out, but there’s nothing you can do. It may be worth seeing if your primary school does any other kinds of after school clubs. As well as the standard wrap around care after school club, my primary used to offer others such as gymnastics/dance/art/French/football etc all on site at the school so children didn’t have to actually get picked up and taken anywhere to do these and parents didn’t need to be there until it was time to pick up at 5:30.

What a ridiculous post. Can you not possibly understand that different things work for different families, different children have different interests?
I'm so proud of my career, I'm a Social Worker and my children know I work hard to look after other children (as well as them) I feel like I'm a good role model for them to work hard and want my daughter to know she can achieve more than be a housewife.
DS only does After School Club a few times a month but "cruel" made me laugh. The kids love it, he enjoys mixing with all the kids from other classes, they play games and have fun.
Not all children want to do competitive sport, mine do swimming, Beavers, Karate and Ballet - all for fun. DS is exceptionally Academic and that's where his other clubs (Science Club after school) are of interest.
As for kids don't want a fancy holiday...again maybe YOUR kids don't but can you see we're not all the same? My kids love their holidays and trips, we're all theme park enthsiasts, they've been all over and are currently planning the US later this year and a huge European Road trip next year. Why would I leave a job I love so they wouldn't be able to do the things they love to do competitive sport which they have zero interest in right now.

Is there another parent doing a particular club who you could offer to help out with pick up/drop off of something else at the weekend or later evening? So then it's reciprocal? Understand it might be hard to find someone who's doing 2 clubs the same as your DC however!

Maryshelley

Ok I'll bite. I've been working with children for over 20 years. Lots of whom (the vast majority) from families where both parents work full time and Mums in particular say they're proud to work FT and show children (especially daughters) that there's more to life than being a housewife.

Honestly - not one child in ALL that time has been proud their Mum works. They're pissed off they're shoved in a crap afterschool club (most are) They're annoyed they can't go to football club like their mates. They're tired and just want to chill out at home and watch TV. They honestly wish it was Mum picking them up from school everyday, at hometime, with everyone else. They're gutted that yet again mum can't come to the awards assembly or to Sports Day. I especially remember one child who'd just been taken to Lapland for 3 days crying when I asked her how it was - bloody cold, Mum obsessed with us all getting together to take pictures to prove we are having a good time - honestly said she'd rather not have gone. But Mum bragged to me about how amazing a parent she was providing her child with an ££ experience she would remember for a lifetime. Completely out of touch with the needs of the child. Children just want you to be present. That's it.

You're basically saying that any Mum who's a housewife, or works part time is not a good role model? Really?

I clearly touched a nerve with you. Society forces you to think you're supposed to have it all - the career and the children. I don't think it works that way. Children won't remember a flash holiday - you will. Do you not realise the only reason they're probably excited about planning it is because they know they will finally get to see you and spend some time with you? .

No your child may not want to be a competitive athlete, but let's be honest, they will never know. You aren't able to give them any opportunities to find out , to try different things, because to you, your work is your main number one priority.

Read back through your post - it's all about you. It even starts about you - "I'm proud of my career"

That's fine, you do you, but be honest about it. You're doing it for YOU, not for the kids.

(again I'm not including single mums in this, you're doing the absolute best you can for your kids but honestly, any Mum who has the choice to go PT and would rather have their career is putting themselves first, not the kids, whether they like the truth or not, with the justification that they're earning more so can compensate with a fancy holiday and all the latest gadgets. Plenty of time for a career later. Kids want you home when they're home at 3.15)