How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

*Full of energy, not everything

Parenthood. Getting up with a baby at all hours will do that to you!

That's what being a parent does to you.

Are you getting enough exercise, vitamins, sleep, healthy food, satisfying social life?

i feel this too but blaming covid stress, cost of living stress and parent cancer diagnosis stress

Does having a child really do
all this now? My friends don’t look like this or complain of constantly feeling crap

What's your sleep, diet, water intake like?

Having children is number one the most ageing thing ever, hands down!

My friends 4 year old looks at pics of his mum (from not really that long ago but before she had him) and asks who it is a picture of. He literally doesn't recognise her!

*Do all this though

That's parenthood for you, and crossing the 40 threshold.

I also had a baby at 39 but I'd had two before that and pretty much bounced back, I was fitter after the second than I was at 25! However the last one really took its toll and now I'm in the same boat as you, so maybe it's just being in your 40s? Either way I've really aged in the last five years.

I'm 30 and have definitely visibly aged since having my son at 28 😅

I wouldn’t necessarily bring the parent aspect (although it does contribute of course). I aged A LOT when I lost my mum aged 25- I went from carefree to adult overnight. Be kind to yourself, accept parenting is hard and you will find it easier over time.

You answered your own question.. you had a baby relatively late. I'm 39 now with a 6 and 2 year old. Looking at pictures of me and my 6 year old when she was a baby.. yeh I've aged! Although I do also feel like that's the age (late 30's/40's) where ageing starts to ramp up a bit so you got a double whammy.

Are you friends the same age as you? Did they have the baby at the same age? I think there is a bit difference having a toddler/primary school child in your 40s versus having a teenager.

You answered it yourself, in the first line, about 7 words in “I got pregnant”.

I felt like I aged a LOT after having DD1. About to have a second and I fear for myself really, I do. I’m also approaching 40 😭

I've aged 10 years between 40 and 45.

Lack of sleep with kids in my mind to late 30's probably contributed but it's definitely crossing the threshold of 40 that was the nail in my face's coffin.

I have found collagen, proper skincare products and occasional facials has helped a bit.

I'm 44 and feel like I've aged massively looking back at photos from even just 3 years ago. I had children 18 years ago with my youngest being ten, and still looked good up until the last few years. So I'm not sure it's just having dc that have done it although I'm sure the worry, lack of sleep, etc doesn't help. I think it's just hitting mid life that's done it, it's the age when lots of people start to look their age. It's very depressing.

Ok maybe looks wise, it’s natural…but all we seem to say to each other is ‘I’m so tired’ I mean, we only have one (she’s v high energy though!) plus she’s at school now, shouldn’t we feel a bit better? I’m sure I felt better when she was 1 than I do now 🙈

Ag god I’m you five years ago…

@1990s And how are you now? 😬

Yeah it’s a combination of age plus kids. I’m 36 and have just had my third and look soooo much more rough than when I had my first because I was only 30 then and despite feeling sleep deprived, in actual fact I still got a reasonable amount of sleep in total most nights even if there were a lot of wake ups. But now I’ve got three including a newborn I’m lucky to get 4 hours in total and man does it show.

Bereavement aged me too, I looked like a teenager at 21 and when I was orphaned by 25 I suddenly looked my age or older.

The thing that aged me the most, hands down, was sleeping less than four broken hours a night for around seven years. I was very slim as I never got to rest and being slim ages me too. Better for my frame to have a covering to fill in the lines!

Why depressing?

OP I aged after babies but a lot of it reversed once they started sleeping. I think at this age just make sure you're looking after yourself more- sleep, diet, exercise, self care

I’m ten years younger than you and feel like this. We have small children so I assume it’s that!

It's the double whammy of becoming a parent at an age where undeniable signs of ageing tend to become evident. For those of us who have children late, we often get to 40 in good shape and not feeling very different to when we were 25 or 35. Having a baby at 40 will knock that delusion right out of you!

Yep I feel exactly the same , and my DS is 5 …..it’s really aged me.