How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

Young child + perimenopause

Pregnancy and being a parent at this age is exhausting. Perimenopause kicking in.

I had my last dd knocking on 40. I also had a 10 and 13 year old. The 3 years between 41 and 44 I aged about 15 years!

Same. The aging accelerates as we get older I’m afraid 😬

Yes! DH and I are just entering our 30s and have two kids. Most of our friends don't have children and they all look much younger than us now! We are both going grey (me particularly so) and he is starting to lose his hair. And we both just look and feel exhausted all the time whereas they still look lovely and young and youthful! People always think we are older than we are nowadays! We definitely blame the kids!

i was at a work conference last week and saw a number of women who are my age (late 40s) or a bit older. Hadn’t seen any of them for maybe 5-10 years… but they all seemed to have gone through an aging portal - they all looked 20 years older. Grey hair (which is probably the most aging factor), lines and wrinkles, bags ;none of them have small children), much heavier… I am now afraid, very afraid, that one morning soon I wake up and an old woman is staring back at me in the mirror… I do think st some point there is just a bit of a cliff… which possibly will come with menopause .

Just wait til 50!

I looked if not younger probably similar age at 45 as I did at 35 with 2 pre-schoolers. What did me was Covid. I’ve aged 15 years in 5. I now look 60 😩
although I am 60 so shouldn’t complain really. It always catches up at some point. My mum did the same

I'd get the doctor to check your vitamin d, iron etc. The tiredness you mention doesn't sound normal if your DC is sleeping through the night

I aged 10 years when I had my first child (I was 22!). It was a huge shock to look back at photos and realise just how vastly and quickly we AGED. But being entirely frank, I stopped doing my skincare routines consistently, I ate crap/didn't eat enough nutrients, I didn't drink enough water/drank too much coffee and tea, I rarely got more than 4-5 hours of sleep (I had another baby when my eldest was 2) and I kept forgetting to schedule regular haircuts, let alone anything else like eyebrow waxing etc, stopped exercising regularly, I lost all sense of myself/my style as my body shape was just so different so couldn't dress myself, and I stopped wearing make up 99% of the time... so I get why I look so much older. I don't care too much about ageing naturally but didn't plan on looking almost 40 at 26 , so I'm trying to claw it back now I've got my energy back (I think this is a perk of just being physically younger - DH and I say all the time that we are so exhausted in our 20s, we can't imagine how our parents raised young children in their late 30s).

I think at 25 with kids I looked done in snd not at my best. I guess you age less though being young though that you would in your 40s.
i think I look more rested now in my mid 40s despite having teens and a full time job than I did when I was in my 20s

@Nevermind31 can totally relate - since COVID/increased working from home there are colleagues I now see very rarely. Bumped into a few recently that are in their early 50s now and I couldn't believe how much older they looked than last time I saw them (I'm about 10 years younger than them and I'd say 5 years ago we looked the same age as each other).

Oh yeah, throw in Covid to help with the ageing.

Two kids at 25 bags of energy. Another at 45 bags of energy. Menopause at 56 awful side effects but kept going. Pre covid I started with aches and pains, hip and back pain. Lockdown plus stopping work really did a number on me mobility wise Add in six eye operations I'm broken. Overweight, unfit, bags under eyes. I'm old.

I'm a 43 yo primary teacher with a 16 yo, 13 yo and 3 yo... explains why I look 80!! 😆

You had a kid. The end.

Honestly tho, I had my first mid twenties and wasn't physically affected. Second at 36 and I feel like death is imminent 😂

I have twin SILs, in late 40s. One has three DCs, the other has none. Both lovely, beautiful naturally svelte women. DSIL with children looks easily 8/10yrs older than the DSIL without DC.

I'm 29 and I feel like that now, health wise. I have chronic migraines and a load of other stuff going on and it feels like I'm always moaning about pain, tiredness etc.

Botox keeps my outside from resembling my inside though 😂

It’s all been said already. Motherhood is relentless and so is fatherhood if they can actually be bothered to do night feeds.

If your not able to properly see the effects of a global pandemic/giving birth & raising a child/aging into your 40's/2 major wars the UKs pissing up money on & a cost of living crises you have far worst to worry about then how you look.

I think I have aged 10 years between 40 and 45 too. Before 40, people used to think I was much younger than my age. I used to be complimented for my skin. Now suddenly i have pigmentation, rosácea, thin skin etc.

I was always lazy about skincare, maybe that's why.
What skincare products are helping you?

I've learned that from mid forties onwards I've had to be hyper focussed on 'wellness' and all that entails, just to feel average. Lots of quality sleep, near perfect nutrition, all the recommended exercise, de-stress rituals. If I don't keep all that up I'm tired and achy, as you described.

I think it’s the lack of sleep when my kids started to sleep better I swear I looked younger again. But I had many years of disturbed sleep unlike some people! Plus working and fitting in life!

I'm blaming Covid & an accident I was in

This is how I felt/feel. We had our only DC aged 36. I looked back at photos 4 years later and it was as though I’d previously been a super model (or rather become a hag). Check out friends that 2-3 kids if you want to see how incremental it is. Children are basically youth parasites.