How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

I love my kids more than anything in the world, and I would rather die than not have them…..but I think that once your first baby is born you never truly relax again. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, whoever you’re with - a small part of your mind is on standby, ready to respond to the needs of one of your kids. Mine are 18 and 14 now, but that state of readiness is still there. And it takes its toll on your youth!

People say sometimes on here how they don’t feel they’ve aged and I’m so jealous- from 38 it was like everything suddenly went- arthritis in knees, stomach issues (practically intolerant to sugar and alcohol!!!) back would go every so often, roseacea, the list goes on! I don’t know that it’s kids, a lot of my friends are similar, we were swapping heartburn and stomach stories on our last night out (where we drank tea because we couldn’t cope with alcohol!!!)

Same here! I had IVF twins aged 44 - and gave up a quite decent job which involved lots of commuting, striding a mile each day from the station to work and back, walking miles across the local city, regular trips all over the country at all hours - permanently beavering about from dawn to dusk - and suddenly stuck at home with two small things that never move!

I also had an early menopause (hence the IVF) so have never been sure of the cause - but within 8 or 10 years I have lost all my looks, become podgy and unfit, and everything has sagged.

I can't identify the cause - clearly I had a very physically active job (well, active for an office job - I walked miles but I wasn't building houses) and a busy life - so suddenly being stuck with babies will affect your activeness. But also the menopause could have been the reason - I am now droopy facially, lacking in eyebrows and lashes, lacking in leg and armpit hair (bonus😄) and other stuff that isn't down to activity.

But age is also a thing. I was pretty OK at 44, and am now a saggy size bigger and fairly grim at 59. I'm not sure whether to blame a change in lifestyle, the menopause, or old age!

I can't blame the kids as the years of sleepless nights etc are long gone. Just life, I guess. DH is grey now but still quite hunky, so it's not all bad......😀

Having a child at grandparent age is what's done it

Lol, I don't think so. I know people who had their first child in their teens and still have all the same 'old age' issues we all do. It's just life!

The alternative, as they say, is a lot worse!

Gosh, yes, you have aged, haven’t you. So sorry.

Yes kids do this, I was ok after my first but the second came along and didn't sleep well and I've aged so much in the last 3 years, I now feel old 🙈

I am 60 and now have time to exercise, eat well, drink water and take vitamins. I have time to socialise with friends and get lots of sleep. I have a satisfying job.I have started in the past year looking after my skin……. Go back 20 or 30 years and I felt I looked awful as I didn’t do all these things due to lack of time and money.Enjoy your children … they grow up in the blink of an eye. Also.. “age is a privilege denied to many “ is a good mantra . Xx

I age rapidly from 45.... I blame having teenagers.

Even if you have your kids young it all catches up with you in your 40's. The only genuinely young looking women I know in their mid 40's and beyond are all childfree, I do think motherhood and childbearing ages us quite a lot sadly.

@downbutnotouttake969 Grandparents age? Pregnant at 39?

I can see on Facebook many of the plain ish normal looking mums at my school were all
Total stunners pre kids. Me too.
It definitely takes its toll

I feel old at 60 and getting hip X-ray next week. I sadly went to a friends funeral last week…this beautiful human being was 44 . She was an absolutely amazing woman. So I just think that we should be blessed with how our bodies are and stop complaining.and be thankful.

Doesn’t pregnancy age your cells and shorten your telomeres? So it’s scientific that every pregnancy will age you faster, I’m not sure if that makes you feel any better though to know it’s not just you that feels that way!

@Jhulp Yeah I've read that as well :(

Eh bollocks.

I had my DD when I was 38. I did find the first few years quite rough but then it all got a lot easier, she became a great teen and is now a young adult. We had, and have, fun together - eg I learned to windsurf (badly, but enjoyably) with her in my 50s. Having a kid a bit later may be a dent initially but then can keep you young!

Maybe give it another year or two to settle down. I had two in my late 30s and looked horrendously aged in early 40s, at least ten years older than baby photos with first. But since the younger child started school and sleep has been completely regular some of it has reversed. I wouldn't say I look young for my age, as I did before having no 1, but some of the grey skin and drawn cheeks have abated, skin is generally better, and, most importantly, I have much more energy. Iron supplements helped too.

DH was the healthiest person I've ever known and so full of energy but since having kids, he's exhausted 24/7 and feels like shit a lot of the time.
I feel like shit constantly and get unwell very easily and regularly. I've come to terms with the exhaustion though.

I'm not sure about this.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. The holiday photos at 42 were the fittest I'd been in decades - as I was just on the go with two plus working.

I'd been very sporty before my second child though and they were both good sleepers and we had help from nearby grandparents.

Fast forward to now and having lost both beloved parents in a year, that has completely aged me...

God reading some of these replies you'd think 40 was the grim reaper knocking! Going by current average life expectancy that's not even half your life.

I had my second at 40 and now at 41 feel the worst that I've ever been. I wholeheartedly agree that it's having children that does this to you. I'm exhausted, feel run Down, just overstimulated constantly, lost interest in myself and did I mention exhausted. It's children, it's them.

You will rally from this. I am in my 60s. Have time for exercise, meeting friends etc so feel better than ever. DC are grown so my time is my own. Biggest tip is keep exercising ..no matter what. It makes you feel younger and freer. It keeps the joints moving and gives you time for yourself.
Get a new hairstyle. Change one or two things in how you dress. This is not you forever as the aging process will not continue to move as fast.
I have to say being in my 60s is great.

Just to say OP that having a baby late can pay dividends on aging later. From what I've seen of older parents they often seem younger than those who had kids sooner and have older children. Maybe it's being more active and also having younger friendship groups from mingling with parents of kids the same age?

Covid and new parenthood at an older age

Is the AIBU that you think you have aged, that you have aged, that you look like you have aged, that you have aged more than years passing, that you wish you didn't age, you wish that looking after children didn't affect how you looked, that time didn't age you, that you never want to age, or something else.