How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

People do age after having kids and you've had one relatively late. The sleepless nights or at the very least sleep disturbance, worry, mental load all add to ageing. Couple that with having less time for self care will add to it. I'm 37 and have had white hair since my ds was born when I turned 30. Mine sleep through and youngest is 2 now. I do take the time for a facial and massage every month and have invested in good skincare. Now just need to lose the weight.

I look at photos of me at 40 with young kids and I look like teenager. I am now only 20 years older and look more like my 80 year old mother 😅

I don’t think it’s just to go with kids though. I am increasingly convinced aging is not a linear process. It goes in big jumps.

Parenthood does take its toll. But things your friends might be doing to help are good sleep (boring, but makes the most difference IMO, and only counts if it's without any alcohol first), cutting alcohol to more than 2 nights a week, exercise (strength as well as cardio). I find the sleep and reduced alcohol a bit dull but definitely worth it for overall quality of life. Exercise has led me to a social life which I never really had in my late 30s, so I mostly enjoy it. If these things don't work for you, fair enough. I'd never judge or tell anyone they should do these things, but just sharing what worked for me.

I think the tiredness turning point for me was when my 2 could be trusted to get up, turn on the TV and make a bowl of cereal alone.

DH and I used to take it in turns but it was still someone coming in, one of us shuffling about getting up...

Proper lie ins have been life changing

Sometimes post natal segues into perimemopausal and that's a brutal combo. Ageing hits the turbo button around 40 too. It's not just you.

Being a parent no matter what age ages you ..in experience in body..

@owlsinthedaylight is correct. It's not linear. You toddle along for several years then suddenly go downhill. @Obsessedwiththisseries are you getting a good amount of unbroken sleep?

I honestly think this is a result of having a child too old, you just don't bounce back. I feel the same, tired and look haggard.

Some babies / kids tire you out more than others. My middle child was a sleep nightmare. Honestly I didn’t know I’d survive! Thank God I was 27 as I see my brother with his late in life 3rd child and his new wife who is a new mother in her mid 40’s and I feel for them. It’s not easy any age but harder as you get older. All I can say is my difficult sleeper nightmare middle child became a wonderful child, teen and now young adult and never caused me a days trouble since. He’s never been one to sleep in bed at all hours of the day though, so never been able to get revenge waking him at the crack of Dawn as the whole time he was in secondary he was up at 6am!

Yessss!!! Except I had my first at 40, second at 41 and third at 43. I am now 45 and look and feel so old now, where as before kids I looked much younger than my years. I really feel so sad about it, I don’t recognise my face in the mirror at all.

Check your Vit D levels if you feel you're both unusually knackered and achy compared to your friends.

Its having a baby that does it, the thing is that after 40 you don't bounce back in the same way you did or would at 20 or 30. Before I had mine at 41 I looked really young for my age with lovely skin and myself and my best friend would be mistaken for students. My friend who is childfree still looks so, so young while I have aged, my face has deflated as my arse has expanded. I seemed to go totally grey after the birth as well. I am pretty sure when I am out with my daughter and my friend people think I am the granny and she is the mother!

Same age here, had mine at 36 and 39. I thought I still looked relatively good until around 40. I have nice photos of me with DD as a baby. From 41 it seems to have gone downhill but I honestly think the stress of Covid aged me years. Both working FT at home with a 3 and 5 year old. I sometimes wonder if I have PTSD.

I feel you op. I’ve aged like milk since having my dc. I love them to bits but the lack of sleep/ lack of me time shows!

I suspect its a combination of sleep deprivation, mental exhaustion and generic aging. It all takes its toll. I don't think anyone really takes into account how tiring the day to day considerations of a child(ren) are on, in particular, on a mother. It's all exhausting!

Yep this happened to me, my period never really came back properly after breast feeding.

I feel a bit like this too 🙈 I'm mid 30s and have a 16 month old, even looking at photos of me from when she was newborn feels like another person.

I think it's where I had more time to look after myself then, do my hair etc as she slept so much. Now she's a bouncy toddler and I'm back at work, so less time and more stress.

I wondered if covid was a factor too, we were both quite ill with it, but that was back in 2020 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm the same age as you and had my child at 40. I had energy and vitality in buckets then. When I attended my first midwife appointment she said she was staggered I was 40, and that I looked more like 30. There is NO WAY she'd say that if she saw me now!

I feel exactly the same as you. The baby years, and more particularly the toddler years have ravaged me. The sleep regressions and the nights of 15 wake ups, hours and hours in the small hours sitting by the cot, lifting and wrestling a heavy toddler, running after him, and the drudgery. I'm puffy, tired, aching, greying, feeling old and exhausted, and I'm scared I'll never get my vitality back.

I look rough at present and I don't even have kids 😆

I think it's just one of those things, life can tire you out at times and it's a visual reminder to take care of yourself more

To buck the trend, I'm 47 and the fittest I've ever been no aches and pains here although do have some lifelong health conditions. I have as much energy as I did in my 20s and definitely go out as much, probably more!

However I had my kids at 28 & 30 and so have older teenagers now which makes such a difference. You don't get many people on here who don't say they're shattered when they have small children in the 40s.

@ChaseandSky Same, I wonder if this is just it now

@Justfinking Was 39 too old to be pregnant?

Start taking “wellwoman” vitamin supplements. Honestly, life changing. A friend recommended and I was sceptical but they make me feel so much better. Take them in the evenings as in the mornings on an empty stomach they make me sick.

also, get iron and ferritin levels checked. I was so exhausted and it turned out my ferritin was down to 6. I’m now 41 and need to keep on iron tablets plus well woman to be able to function.

i loved my 30s but my god I’m feeling my 40s!

We are in exactly the same boat. I always looked young for my age. Then had DC in my 30s. I’m now early 40s and the camera app my DH has estimated me as 59! 😱