How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

I'm 39 with a 1 year old and 3 year old. A Facebook memory popped up the other day from 6 years ago (early 30's, pre-kids) and I barely recognise myself. I looked young, fresh faced and full of life. I look in the mirror now and my face is saggier, skin duller, teeth not as white as they were. My hair has gone from dark and curly to 25% grey and frizzy... I could go on.

However, I started strength training 3 months ago and my body shape has started to change. My clothes fit better, I have more energy and I'm not as achy as I was. I can't do much about the lack of sleep but making time for exercise has really helped me, both physically and mentally. I'm going to get my hair dyed and brows done next week, hoping that'll go some way to making me feel slightly more like myself again.

This is me.. also from peri menopause too I think.
Tired, thinning hair, put on weight, skin losing elasticity.
I suddenly look so middle aged.
I need a makeover.

Wait until you’re 47! 😉

HRT can take a few years off x

Same here!!! I didn't realise I could be so tired, I look so much older too 🙈

She started school in September and has gotten much more independent since, and I am starting to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel now though 🙌

It is stress.

The stress of parenting.

The stress of caring for an elderly parent or disabled child has a similar exacerbated effect.

But just in case... Have you been to your gp? The tiredness could be something fixable like anaemia, or you could have something like coeliac or underactive thyroid. I looked haggard when my thyroid went! I kept taking antihistamine because I thought my puffy eyes were hayfever! Now I look back I can see that I was just really effing tired.

I also recommend a trip to the canary islands, to a hideouusly tacky resort with all the kids water slides and cheesey kuds entertainment and a softplay. Bit of sunshine and easy parenting for a few days always makes me feel young again! The trick is to find somewhere where you don't have to do any planning or transport so you can just ask the kid what they want to do and just walk out your room to whatever it is, pick up a nice coffee or a cheeky wine on the way and hope that it's not yours launching balls at babies in the softplay while you read your book.

I aged dreadfully from 51-53. Seriously I looked pretty good at 50, but by the time I was 53 I looked so bad- hooded eyes, eye bags and a turkey neck developed over just two years!

Anyway, I got it all fixed with surgery and it’s been amazing. There’s a thread on here following my journey.

Double whammy of perimenopause and a young child. Are you fit and healthy weight? My observation is you can get away with it younger but by 40s there’s a big difference and lifestyle starts catching up with people - needing painkillers for bad backs, diabetes etc.

Pre-pregnancy, at 31, I was ID'ed when buying alcohol over half the time. Looked young for my age... Friends took the piss every time it happened.

Fast forward six years, and I have been ID'ed once, AS A JOKE(!!!!), since then.

Apparently, to the staff in the local Co-Op (and Wetherspoons), I no longer look 17.

While stress can age you, I feel that for me the jump was not childbirth and childrearing, but rather the covid years. I've been tired since then, and now every new illness (even simple colds) just hit different.

I don’t think it’s necessarily the little one, I’ve definitely aged since turning 40 and mine are teens. I’ve acquired lines that I didn’t have before and have far less energy. I have to really force myself to keep fit as it’s the only thing that seems to help with the lack of evergy, aches and pains but it makes me sleep more and ache in a different way if that makes sense! It’s not great being older but I refuse to give in to it in my forties. I’m hoping things improve with the menopause.

I had my first aged 39, and up until a year ago I was in your position. Since then I have completely over hauled my health. I have lost 2 stone doing weight watchers online which has made a huge difference to my aching joints and energy levels. I only drink alcohol and coffee a couple of times a month. I take liquid chlorophyl every morning which has done wonders for my hair, and I take collagen powder every morning and my skin is no longer dull and dry. It took a good few months on this regime to feel/see the difference but I'm glad I stuck with it! Don't give up hope yet OP!

At 45 you need to expect to look older, especially with a small child. I’m 44 and there’s a big difference in the last 4/5 years.

I found a rare selfie I took in summer 2021, when my baby was about 3 months old. My skin looks great, and I have hardly any wrinkles.

I look in the mirror now and oh boy have I changed.

I had a child at 40, I'm about to be 50 next week. My child didn't sleep through the night for 6 and a half years.

I've got myself back in the last 18 months. I took a hold of my diet, exercise, my career (changed things around a bit), my sleep, my skincare.. and frankly HRT has saved my life and relationship. I have grey hair, but I'm happy with that (it was a choice), I'm a bit overweight but not as much as I was, things ache and I've had some health stuff, but I feel much better than I did at 45.

Hang in there. Early parenthood is hard and a shock when you're as old as we were when the change happened.

DS came along when I was 30, ten years of parenthood later I definitely look older than 40. Some pals are in the same boat, some still look quite fresh, the bastards.

I'm the same age as you OP. I had my children younger and I've still aged a lot in the last few years. I think it seems to hit around 42. I look and feel more tired, than I did two years ago. Basically I feel like some dementor comes every few months and sucks a bit of life force out of me, while I sleep 😅

Children age you. All our friends had kids young and those children are now in their mid twenties. Our friends always looked old, commented how young we looked. We, however, had children late (thanks infertility) and its only now that we have primary age children that “age” is beginning to show…we still look younger than our friends!

i actually think it’s the 40-45 face melt, sorry OP. I had my first 2 kids at 29 and 31 I looked and felt the best I ever have when they were toddlers, I’ve hit 44 and look nothing like I did even at 39. Bags under eye dull skin grey hair aches and pains. I’m not loving it ☹️

I had our eldest when I was 30. When he started nursery at 7 months old both me and my DH for a year afterwards were almost constantly ill. Eldest didn’t sleep through the night for 3 years in total and during his first year of nursery picked up every bug going. We were run down, knackered and working full time and caught everything he caught. We were on our knees and grand parents would have him so we could sleep and get well. Child 2 I’m glad to say loves sleep and is a hardy sod. It’s parenthood unfortunately. My face is stating to look like a scrotum but that is due to the other parent related challenges that they bring aged 13 and 9!

Very similar story. I had my first child at 30, bounced back quickly, best shape I’d ever been in and 2 years post baby looked the best and felt the best I had my whole life.

fast fwd to 2018 I had my second child aged 40 and I now look like an old woman, grey hair, knackered, overweight. I think the toxic concoction of 40s plus baby plus Covid (the lockdowns really screwed with my MH, which I think ages me).

i’m ready for retirement!

My face has aged 5 years in the 9 months since my daughter was born 🙈

Exactly the same for me

I’ve felt similar but no young children now (I’m 43) and realised it’s perimenopause- could that be the case for you op? Has taken a year but have finally got a referral for HRT so hoping that will help energy levels/aches/pains etc.

Get Botox. At least then I don't look such a wreck.