How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

fatigue is a symptom of long covid

This has happened to me too, though the extra two stone probably isn't helping. I look so puffy and have deep eyes bags I never had before. Had my son at 37 five years ago, and even when he was a newborn I look better than I do now.

Personally I think Covid lockdowns with a toddler did for me - we were trying to work almost full time and care for him, and it broke me. I don't think I ever really recovered. He's now in Reception and sleeps well, I get enough sleep and exercise, eat much the same as I used to, but my face has changed so much.

I’m mid forties and feel the same! Wondering if I’m also hurtling towards the perimenopause. I looked relatively youthful until the pandemic hit when my daughter was 3 then unfortunately had a cancer diagnosis. Daughter is also autistic & doesn’t sleep well! DP & I always knackered too.

Are you drinking enough water, exercising getting a lie in or early night at least twice a week, eating fruit and veg, taking a multivitamin, using moisturiser and exfoliating, going to the hairdresser and using hair products regularly?

Don't be too busy taking care of everyone else to look after yourself

I had mine at 36 & 38 and aged horrendously. It sucks so I had a face/neck lift at 46 and once again I see a happy/well person when I look in the mirror. It was totally worth it.

I think it's already been suggested up thread but do try taking Vitamin D supplements or up the dosage if you are already. I feel so much more achey and old in the winter, then just as I'm resigning myself to this being my life, the summer comes along and I feel loads better again. Vitamin B12 might help you too.

1. you are in your forties - this is when aging suddenly becomes noticeable (as a pp said - aging is not linear, it occurs in leaps)
2. you are in the trenches of parenting - the lack of sleep, responsibility for another human life, and constant concern for that life are aging

I didn’t look like shit after my first, but then with my second…I have aged rapidly and I truly do think it is having my child that did it. They have been much harder work than their sibling.

Fine at the moment… all the things you said, was full of energy etc etc, but 12 weeks pregnant and not feeling great, is it the start of a slippery slope?!

It’s the kids - the sleep deprivation and complete lack of downtime. We both Aged so much in the 5 years we had them, had first at 33 second at 37. Non parents I know I much more youthful looking

edit: combination of my work and parenthood means I just can’t find time to sleep and look after myself as someone up thread suggests. I do eat veg and walk a lot (commuting / nursery and school run only) but that’s about it.

Ha! 10 years older. Not 20 years older (although I feel 20 years older).

But what I mean is, I expected aging to be a gradual linear process, but what I find is it goes in jumps.

I’ll feel a bit under the weather for a while, and never fully recover my energy, or wake up one day with a couple of deep wrinkles from sleeping funny, but they never completely go away, or one day I have flu and for some reason my boobs go saggy as a result (why???) and never perk up again.

I had two under 3 at 36 years old and I felt 65. But actually, my mum was about that age and she was out and about living life. I feel younger now and I'm 53! Obviously I look older than I did at 37, but I wasn't exactly glowing with health and vitality. I felt a lot better by the time my youngest started school!!

Yep I totally identify with this. I had my DD at 35 and DS at 39.. I'm now 41 and feel like my face has changed so much in the last couple of years! I look at photos after my DD was born and I look soooo much younger!
Like others have said I think it's the double whammy of being around 40 and having a baby/small child or children. I think those of my friends who have had children in very late 30s have more visibly aged in tye last few years than those who had them younger.

The years are much more relentless after 40 I have found. 40-45 I didn't have much change. 45 to 49 - blimey I look and feel about 20 years older!
The good news is, it seems to slow down again and people don't change much between 50 and 65.

It’s just normal to age the older you get 🤷‍♀️I had my last child aged 37 and I look the same age as my friends who had their last, early 30s . Also genetics and lifestyle plays a big part as well.I have lost weight recently and I definitely have aged …wrinkles,turkey neck now a problem I never had !!

i feel like this a lot. I mean yes to the aging thing, 100% - exacerbated by not trying as hard to look nice ie thinking to self oh it’s only the school run can I really be bothered to put on make up? But also the always tired/sick thing. But if you think how often kids are actually walking around with snuffy noses or coughs, well that’s how often you’re being exposed to/battling viruses, even if you’re not suffering visible symptoms. So I think that’s a lot to do with it.

Small children are exhausting, I reckon you will look and feel younger again in another 5 years.

I'm 47, I obviously look older now but it's the changes in other ways that I really notice. I have had knee pain and my moods are different and I'm far less patient than I used to be.

Having children is a young woman's game. Yes we can still give birth in our 40s but modern life is very difficult compared to previous generations and is hard on women, we don't spend a few years at work before marrying and having children, we are stressed out with work, a hectic social life, a house to run and then when we are starting to creep towards middle age we have pregnancies and babies. Sheer bloody madness.

I had my first a couple weeks after I turned 22. I snapped back, felt great, no problems. Had my second a couple weeks after I turned 34 and it’s been So. Much. Harder. I’ve aged physically, I feel unhealthy and unfit, I have no energy, I feel broken. Maybe it’s having children when older that does it 😭

Well aging generally makes you look older I'm afraid, kids or no kids.

Also, let's not forget that it's January, a month which unless someone proves me otherwise lasts for a minimum of 120 days, we're all haggard, grey, sun deprived, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Reassess how you look in may or june.

I've definitely aged in the last five years. Am 46. I don't have children. But I was alone through the pandemic, caught an awful case of long covid, and am now battling COL. It has been a lot for many of us during this period, I imagine.

It’s the kid, I am 48 and while I have obviously aged, I feel younger now than I did 10 years ago when I had 2 small kids (active boys) who were exhausting. Now they are teens I have a lot more time for myself to focus on exercise, getting good sleep and generally taking care of myself. The younger years are just so draining and it takes its toll

Hey OP, yeah I'm 41 with a 3 year old and I can't believe how much I've aged, 5 years ago I was in the best shape of my life and looked 10 years younger, now I 100% "look my age" and it's jarring. I think it is a mix of hitting the 40+ barrier and being a parent to a little one.

I have no time to work out apart from running after DC and self care has gone out of the window. Also I developed a massive varicose vein in pregnancy and my legs were my best asset. I am also always ill with every lurgy going, I don't know if thats age, parenthood or my immune system being shot to shit by covid though. 🤪

I have my second at 38 and he is now 13. I had long covid in 2020 and a fairly stressful time before that for various reasons.
I don’t feel exhausted and aching all the time, unless I forget to take vitamins, especially vitamin D and iron. I also find the time of year has an effect, last summer I would be out at the gym or playing tennis with DS until twilight and then going to Tesco, whereas mid-winter I could just go to bed at ten. I don’t drink though and I don’t think I could manage a late night out now without being wrecked the next day. But I don’t think 38 or 39 is too late to have a baby. I would be looking at other health and lifestyle factors.