That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

YABU how hard is it to just reinforce at home x is a boy so stop calling him a girl

Your son is teasing others and you’re refusing to support the school. Pathetic

Yes, YABU. It's never too young to start putting your child right, providing it's done in the correct, age appropriate matter.

YAB so U. Passing comment is one thing but repeatedly calling him a girl because he has longer hair is ridiculous and unkind and I'm amazed you think they should allow their child to be bullied because he chooses to look different to the 'usual' gender stereotypes.

If the school doesn’t try to tackle stereotypes like this nothing will change. How do you think outdated and perjorative views have ever changed in the past? Not by brushing them aside.

Your kids haven’t inherently done anything wrong because they are echoing the sorts of stereotypes they hear in the playground (and maybe at home?). But surely you understand the nursery is trying to educate them?

Yes, YABU

Change hair for overweight, short, disabled etc. See how not acceptable it is now?

Making a comment like "you have such long hair" would be ok. Calling him names, which is what he is essentially doing calling him a girl at age 3, isn't

Oh my god get a grip of yourself and sort your way of thinking out, and then maybe your child will learn a thing or 2!! Wow!!

Is this a reverse?

Quite. Why would you even think it is not rude to "pass comment" on such a thing. Even a 4 year old should know better, and it makes me wonder what manners his parents are teaching him that they would even think this was ok behaviour.

And so the next generation of Bullies are already being protected by their parents. So depressing.

Your child is repeatedly doing something to upset another child. He's didnt 'pass comment'. It's absolutely unacceptable.

How can you actually think this is OK? YABVU.

Mistakenly thinking a boy is a girl once is fine. Repeatedly calling him a girl when he's been told otherwise is not fine.

Wtf did I just read!

I’ve never understood why it’s absolutely fine for boys to have long hair but cutting a girl’s hair short is tantamount to child abuse.

If your ds has genuinely mistaken him for a girl without realising he was a boy, then yanbu.
Still needs addressing though.
And your post doesn't really read like that and it sounds intentional.
If he is actually teasing him about 'being a girl' after being told he is a boy then you are being very unreasonable!
Teach your child not to bully other children!
Because what your post reads like is that this child deserves to be teased by your child because of his hair.
So its the other child Fault your child is teasing him!
Seriously? Parent your child and teach him not to be a bully!

Jesus Christ. I’d be quite ashamed to admit my young child had such set views on gender stereotypes- they don’t come from nowhere.

My youngest has shoulder length hair. Lots of children have mentioned it and whilst I wouldn’t complain to school (largely because my son doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with girls, so why would he be bothered about being called one) I do think it should be tackled by school and parents. Is your child aware that lots of men have long hair?

Theres a few things you need to work on with your child there.

If the child was mine with the long hair, being bullied by your child, I'd be straight in that nursery with my complaint also.

Sort your kid out and change your shitty attitude otherwise your child doesn't stand a chance.

Getting mixed up is common in young children eg "look that girl has a ball" "No that's a boy sweetheart", but this sounds more like teasing eg. "Haha Ben is a girl" when they have been told several times that 'Ben' isn't. Just tell them 'Ben' can have their hair however they want, and it's not nice to pass comment on anyone else's appearance or choices.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?”

No, it isn’t. Our boy had shoulder length hair as did some of his friends. No-one ever commented. Why would they, unless their family had instilled sexist stereotypes in them already?

YABU it's never too early to learn to not be rude about people's appearances!

YABU. It's not a big thing to tell your child that teasing is wrong and that this child is not a girl.
While you're there, you might want to teach him that blue isn't only for boys and pink for girls and that it's okay to wear whatever you like and to have your hair how you like.

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 11:16
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AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?”

No, it isn’t. Our boy had shoulder length hair as did some of his friends. No-one ever commented. Why would they, unless their family had instilled sexist stereotypes in them already

its different calling a child a girl by mistake but your post reads that this is still happening even though your child has been told it’s a boy. Your child is being very unkind and yes it is bullying. The parents were right to go in and talk to staff their child is obviously very upset by it.
I’m sure if the boot was on the other foot and a child was being unkind to yours even after being told then you too would have a problem with it and would speak to the staff.

Hmmm. I'm torn. Obviously you do need to have a serious word with your dc about name-calling (potential to build to serious, intentional bullying as they get older) but I do think the other parent is setting their dc up to fail (a bit).

Unfortunately we do live in a world where gender stereotypes exist. Just look at toy shops and the blue/pink toys, clothes shops with girly flowers/boy trucks/dinosaurs.

Have a kid with long blonde hair and people ARE going to assume it's a girl. That's just the way of the world.

When ds was a newborn I took him out in the pram with a BLUE blanket - no other defining features, no hair at all, couldn't see any clothes. I got asked twice how old SHE was and it stumped me.

YANBU about the long blonde hair. But you do need to have an age-appropriate chat about name-calling. It doesn't have to get into the nitty gritty of sex/gender.

Mistaking him for a girl ONCE - understandable

Mixing up he and she - also normal for a 3YO

Repeatedly saying this child is a girl because they have long hair, even though they know full well he’s a boy - absolutely not ok

My dd made that mistake when she was about 2. I realised that I’d forgotten to tell her that boys sometimes have long hair and girls sometimes have short hair but they are still boys/girls. She knew that girls don’t always wear dresses because I never wear them.

You need to find out if it’s an innocent mistake (in which case a casual X is a boy with long hair explanation is fine) or he’s being mean and calling him a girl to be nasty. Once you explain that X is a boy and doesn’t like it when you call him a girl, your son’s reaction will probably tell you a lot. If he’s surprised then he genuinely might not have known and will be embarrassed/change his ways.