That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

In fact given the whole turning water into wine etc it seems to be highly unlikely Jesus was a Nazerite given they were also not supposed to touch wine

Dont even go there. I’ve been subjected to long dull talks on how it was actually grape juice and not wine and if you go back eleven hundred versions (hyperbole) of the bible there was a mistranslation where grape juice turns to wine blah blah. I’m not totally buying it myself but some seem pretty convinced. In fact I’m more in camp wine, because I reckon that’s where the Last Supper went so horribly wrong. If they had of stuck with water I doubt there would have been the ensuing debacle. Irrespective, there was obviously a fine line between any fruit juice and a form of wine back then given fermentation would have occurred fairly quickly without officially making wine anyway, although not to the same level as intended with wine admittedly.

Also, Nazarene, Nazarite, don’t really give a monkeys. I just have this stuff talked at me, and some wafts in as I mentally contemplate my meal plans/shopping list while nodding every now and again.

Actually, the only reason I recalled about the Nazareth/nazarite/nazarene/whatever business was because I was subject to soooo many hours of debate over nit picking when on a panel to revamp school uniform policy (private religious school). Fuck, it went on and on over the hair and facial hair for senior boys and got very heated. I wanted wine. A lot of wine. There was no wine. I was in camp, whatever the boys want. But then the whole, what would Jesus do, took over and hijacked it for many hours. Again, without wine.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius They’re not adults, though. That’s the point. They’re 3. And they’re honest, they say what they see.

Of course it’s our job to teach them it is unkind to remark on other people’s appearances, but my point in responding to the thread was that if your son has long hair it is to be expected others will comment on it.

In the case of an overweight person, if my children commented on it I would of course tell them it is not okay to point it out, but I would also use it as a teaching moment, so they understand exactly why it is so important to eat healthy and exercise.

Of course it’s our job to teach them it is unkind to remark on other people’s appearances, but my point in responding to the thread was that if your son has long hair it is to be expected others will comment on it.

Yeah parents expected me to "expect others to comment on"" my disability aids when I was a kid too

what you call commenting often actually translating into flat out bullying

But that's cool because after all I should just "expect" it and its what I deserved for being different 🙄

You can deliberately misunderstand if you wish.

Children are innocent. Of course if they see a difference, whatever it is, they will comment on it.

It is not bullying to comment or ask questions. Natural curiosity should never be discouraged.

Children get to be curious and ask things like "daddy, why does that lady have a robot foot?" and "mummy, why does that man have a white stick and why does his dog have a yellow waistcoat?"

When it becomes "you're a girl", "no, I'm not", "yes you are because you have long hair", and "oi, speccy", and "sp~z" and "weirdo", it's really not OK any more.

Nobody said it was

My mum still mentions the time I was in a queue and asked loudly "mummy, why is that woman so fat?" 😂😂😂

Often "comment on" is used as a smokescreen for nastiness.

There is no indication of that in this case. No need to project.

Natural curiosity should never be discouraged.

Really never?

I wonder how hot that fire is, let me go and put my hand in it

I wonder if I would fly if I jumped off this edge

I wonder what happens if I pick up this shiny knife

Of course natural curiosity has to be discouraged sometimes, what a ridiculous suggestion to say that this should never happen

only if their parents have passed on outdated attitudes towards gender norms in society. i thought people had moved on to be more enlightened, but this thread shows that is not the case. Such sympathy for kids of those parents.

Seriously? You use fat people as cautionary tales?

“Mummy, why is that lady so fat?”

”Because she eats too much and doesn’t do any exercise, darling”

Outdated?

It's still waaay less common for men to have long hair.

It's kind of true though tbh.

And it's wise to exercise some caution. Who wants to acquire diabetes or have an early heart attack?

We shouldn't discriminate against an individual for being chubby but it's defo better to maintain a healthy weight tbf.

I don’t know how old you are, but when I was a teenager, all the girls fancied Brett Anderson and all the boys fancied Justine Frischmann. Who both had identical short bobs.

Have we really gone so far backwards in 30 year that this is completely unthinkable nowadays?

Sorry, I was quoting the poster horrified at the thought of her DH getting a bob haircut.

I had someone on the bus tell their "beautifully honest, let's not restrain their curiosity" child that the reason I was sat in the priority seat was because I was fat and they should always make sure to eat lots of veg to avoid needing to sit in the priority seat like me

I was a size 14 at 5ft 8 so hardly fat! I'm also partially sighted and physically disabled but sure it must be the fact that I have dared get above a size 10 that's making me sit in the priority seat 🙄

This was all whilst they were sat very close, in a loud voice so I couldn't help but here. The little lad didn't give a shit about my "fatness" he just wanted to know why I could sit at the front and he couldn't

Where do you get that from? My daughter has always preferred short hair and has had it cut short since she was around three. She is now 19. No issues.

Its not common, and its an outdated attitude are not the same thing

It's not common to be in a wheel chair, but it would be outdated to let your child think its okay to repeatedly comment on another child's wheelchair

It's not common for people in the UK to be black in some areas but it would still be outdated to let your child think its okay to repeatedly comment on the colour of another child's skin

It's not common for a person to have a facial disfigurement but it would still be outdated to let your child think its okay to repeatedly comment on another child's facial disfigurement

Hmm, I'm not sure you can claim this. People that weren't into indie/rock etc probs wouldn't fancy him. He's got an alternative look which wouldn't appeal to women that like more masculine blokes. I'd say Brad Pitt was probs more universal.

A man with a ponytail, for example, is a huge turn off for a lot of women IMO. Unless you're talking somebody like Jason Momoa.

This Brad Pitt? Fair enough, makes the point even better than Brett Anderson does.

We are talking about children making comments about boys with long hair and parents passing on outdated attitudes ffs

Where the fuck does long hair being a turn off fit into this particular conversation in the thread?

I sincerely hope long hair on three year old boys isn't turning grown women on....

It still doesn't make it okay to pass on outdated attitudes to gender expectations and passing comments on children who "look different" to your kids just because you think a little boy with long hair won't turn the women on

Utter rubbish. Most people are not small minded, or ignorant.