That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

There’s every indication. The child made multiple comments. The child was upset enough to tell his parents, the parents thought it was serious enough to tell the nursery, the nursery thought it was serious enough to tell the op, as well as dealing with it themselves.

The op however thinks the kid has a right to upset the boy, and doesn’t see what she can be expected to do about it because her son doesn’t believe boys can have long hair, ‘and rightly so’.

That is nothing like the normal questions that kids have to new stuff, or anything like a normal response from a parent who’s child is upsetting someone.

Clearly in the situation outlined in the OP, OP's kid didn't innocently comment on another child's hair. They repeatedly called another child a girl because he has long hair. The situation upset the child enough for them to go to their parents or be picked up by staff members. The parents were clearly upset by the comments as well. The nursery recognised it was enough of a problem for them to bring it up with OP.

That sounds like long hair on men is an ideal way to filter out shallow women who care about appearance too much.

How very sad that your DS is growing up with such judgmental and sexually stereotyped attitudes, OP. I wonder where he learned such prejudice at an early age?

Or maybe just teach your kids not to comment on other’s appearance? Everyone seems to think these days that they have a right to say what they want and to blame the other person if it upsets them. What happened to be kind and if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing?

The OP, despite being repeatedly asked, still hasn't said whether it was a one-off innocent misgendering or continuous, knowing taunting.

Yabu, not because your young child is mistaken, but because you are criticising others for not conforming to gender stereotypes.

Long hair on boys is pretty popular here, plenty of curly haired 3 year olds and any child that makes a mistake on their sex is corrected, politely but firmly.

I would work on gender stereotypes with him, there's no such thing as boys and girls toys for starters! And there's nothing wrong with boys wearing pink

@Southoftheriver32
I’m with you OP, totally OTT reaction by the nursery. He’s 4 for goodness sake, at that age even I have trouble telling girls and boys apart who have long hair
I think people are more concerned with the OP's response to what her child said, and the assumption that he was 'quite right' to be defining genders by their haircut.

Yanbu
The parents should know this is inevitable. Your dc is 3.

It’s not in the least inevitable for a child to continue making comments about another child’s appearance, after they have been told to stop because it’s upsetting them, to the extent that the nursery have to contact their parents.

That's not how most people think of Brad Pitt. He usually has short hair. Most people think more of Fight Club.

Soooooo cringing at some of the small mindedness on this thread -
boys have to have short hair and girls have to have long hair

yeah fuck that!

Totally agree, careful or you'll be raising a little ignoramus! Although by some of the comments, there are many on here. Who under 85 thinks long hair can only be for girls

What the fuck does whether anyone likes Brad Pitt’s hair got to do with anything?

May I suggest you read the thread lol.

All of Alice in Chains circa 1990.
I would!

honestly, boys have short hair and girls have long hair was already stupid when I was a teenager. I’m almost 40. Wtf

Agree, and what about the 70s. Just some really old fashioned ideas on here. But like from the 1900s

I have. It’s about a 3 year old with long hair.

What utter nonsense! Actually, I ‘usually’ think of him with long hair from Legends of the Fall. Also, not that it’s relevant here but lots of women find men with long hair attractive- did you see the reactions to LOTR? 🤣

Ah Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall and Interview with a vampire. He is stunning - fight club, errr no thank you.