That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

Just tell your son “No Bob is a boy, boys can have long hair too.” End of discussion.

Bahahahahaha someone recently suggested I talk to the parents of a child who was treating my son poorly for having a pink coat. And I pointed out they probably got it from his parents. I thought (momentarily) maybe I have too low an expectation of people but obviously not.

BloodyAdultDC · Today 11:17
**
Hmmm. I'm torn. Obviously you do need to have a serious word with your dc about name-calling (potential to build to serious, intentional bullying as they get older) but I do think the other parent is setting their dc up to fail (a bit)”

To fail? Don’t be daft!

But girls can’t have short hair it seems.

100% this. If your child made the mistake once then the nursery are being ridiculous in flagging this to you. If your child persists in calling the child a girl when they know he’s a boy, you need to support the nursery to reinforce the notion that boys can have long hair too.

Wind em up and watch them go eh OP. Pathetic post.

No, I wouldn't expect another child to register it, let alone comment. I'm really surprised when people refer to outdated stereotypes, even more so when it is coming from a child. My Dad had long hair in the 70s, my husband had long hair in the 90s / 00s, and my son has long hair now. The only time men in general couldn't have long hair was during conscription to military service which we haven't had in this country in my memory and certainly not in your child's. Where on earth has your child picked this up from? And why are you allowing him to be rude to other boys about it?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc

You need regularly to re-enforce with DS3 that girls and boys can like whatever toys and colours they want and have whatever hair length they want.

YABU

You could show him some pics of men with long hair eg the WWE wrestler Triple H, Marvel superhero Thor or musician Dave Grohl.

When my daughter was small she assumed that everyone who had long hair was a girl.

I explained that boys can have long hair too, and girls can have short hair. She no longer made that mistake.

It's quite an easy conversation to have, so I'm not sure why you'd make such a big deal of it.

@KimberleyClark i think any parent would go nuts if someone cut their child's hair from long to short boy or girl without consultation- is that what you're getting at?

*Disclaimer. I've spent A LOT of years in secondary schools. Kids are mean, and no matter how much you teach them about acceptance and difference, there are always those that will latch on to any difference. And for those who are different, they're gonna need a shit load of resilience to be able to survive. Awful as it sounds I'm afraid we don't live in a perfect, all-accepting society.

KimberleyClark · Today 11:19

Luxell934 · Today 11:18

Just tell your son “No Bob is a boy, boys can have long hair too.” End of discussion.

But girls can’t have short hair it seems

Of course they can!

YABU and an ass. "Your kid has long hair/ wearing a headscarf/pink wellies/big glasses/braces so obviously my kid is going to bully pass comment." See how that works? But as they say, trot mummy trot foal. Which seems true in this case.

100%.

It's not even original.

As a rule for my children we never comment on others' appearance. They know we are all different and we are so much more than our outer shell.

Hair is hair. It's not genitals. Even then people are more than their genitals.

This also gives the freedom to your children knowing they can be, look do anything they aren't influenced by ridiculous societal concepts.

I think it's normal that another child may mistake a long haired boy for a girl on first meeting or even pass comment, but i’d expect the parent (or adult) to correct them and for that to be the end of it. If the child, upon being corrected, still insisted on calling the long-haired boy a girl, then i’d consider that teasing.

Unknowingly calling someone a girl when they don't know they’re not and knowingly calling them a girl when they know otherwise are different.

Well, teach your children to see the world in a non stereotypical way.

YABU. I'm sorry but your child is a potential bully and you are an enabler.

BoohooWoohoo · Today 11:20

You could show him some pics of men with long hair eg the WWE wrestler Triple H, Marvel superhero Thor or musician Dave Grohl”

Or Jason Mamoa. Love to see someone trying to tell him he’s a girl 🤣

YABU.

My younger son has occassionally said something like 'Pink is for girls' and I immediately challenge that assumption. I think it's also useful to point out how our perceptions of things change over time, eg. pink used to be considered a manly colour because it was derived from red, which was the colour of war. At 3, he might be a little young for for this, but you can certainly correct him if he makes silly stereotypical comments.

Says who.

My dd couldn't be arsed pissing about with her hair and shaved it all off when she was 12, she's 15 now and still has it shaved.

Very few people have passed comment.

What do you mean you believe in sex not gender? I would understand gender to be the presentation I.e. the long blond hair, and if you believe in sex not gender wouldnt you believe this has no bearing on the child's sex?

Anyway sure people might thing this kid is a girl, but it seems unlikely a complaint was raised for a one off comment. If your son has been told this child is a boy and keeps doing it, he is being mean

No not that. There just seems to be a double standard here in that it’s fine for boys to have long hair but not for girls to have short hair. It seems gender stereotypes only go one way.