That if your male child has shoulder length hair it's reasonable to expect other kids will pass comment?

[mrsfinch6]

Dropping DS5 and DS3 off at nursery this morning when the nursery manager took me aside and wanted to “discuss an incident that happened yesterday” I was a bit confused because when I had collected them both the day before everything was fine.

The “incident” was that there is a little boy at nursery with shoulder length, curly blonde hair, and DS3 has been calling him a girl.

The parent of this child went into nursery this morning to report to the staff that my DS was calling him a girl. The nursery manager wanted my assurances that I would be firm with DS at home and have “the conversation” regarding this.

AIBU to say that if you have a 4 year old male child with long blonde hair that it is realistic to expect that other children in that age group will pass comment?

DS3 is very much of the opinion that “pink is for girls, blue is for boys, girls wear dresses and boys wear trousers etc” he only likes typical boys toys, whereas DS5 is a bit less bothered, he picked a pink scooter and is partial to a unicorn, I don’t encourage or discourage either way, however I do believe in sex not gender and whilst I appreciate there are a multitude of reasons why this child has long hair, I don’t think it’s my 3 year olds issue tbh

They are very young kids and yes I have spoken to him and reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance but honestly? Reporting it to the nursery? Talk about extreme.

if He had never meet the boy, he called him a girl (by mistake) and then after this was corrected he called him boy or ignored the issue, that’s perfectly normal
if he knows the other kid is a boy and repeatedly calls him “girl” then that’s not ok
a simple “hey I heard you keep calling x girl, you know he’s a boy and boys can also have long hair? Please don’t do that again” could be enough
seriously 2024, men have long hair, women have short hair and have work trousers for 60+ years
I’m not saying talk to a 4yo about gender identity and it’s nuisances, just saying, talk about being kind and respecting others

KimberleyClark · Today 11:23

Lovingitallnow · Today 11:20

@KimberleyClark i think any parent would go nuts if someone cut their child's hair from long to short boy or girl without consultation- is that what you're getting at?
**
No not that. There just seems to be a double standard here in that it’s fine for boys to have long hair but not for girls to have short hair. It seems gender stereotypes only go one way”

Really? Been here for decades, never noticed that.

He's a boy who needs a haircut, but it would be rude to say that he needs a haircut so you are left with he is a boy.

My kid did are in secondary now. Lots of boys in his year and throughout the school have long hair. Many had long hair in primary and nursery. No one comments because it's normal. Have a word with your son because continually calling him a girl as bullying

Yes it is perfectly normal for a small child to make a comment like this, but after being corrected by an adult they should stop. If he genuinely doesn't get it perhaps you could show him some pictures of very manly looking long haired men. If he persists after that he is deliberately taunting the child and needs a very stern talking to.

I assume this a wind up or reverse.
If not I'd hope you have the hide of a rhino OP as this is not going to go well.

How many little girls with short hair do you see?

Not true at all. My DD has always had short hair (her choice, from a very young age) and at primary had several years where she had it shaved, an undercut etc. Never, ever had a problem from anyone. No name-calling. No weirdness from 'grown ups' saying is she a boy. Possibly because we don't live in the 1950s.

OP: you are SO unreasonable! Plenty of boys, big and small, have long hair. I'd recommend you sort yourself out otherwise high school is going to be ... um, challenging for your kids!!

So you have taught/reinforced with your child that boys don’t have long hair. In 2024. Wow.

I also happen to believe in the concept of biological sex but I believe that a guy, who was born a guy, who wants to be a guy can also have long hair, without being or wanting to be a girl. And I’m old! I can’t imagine parenting children who think otherwise actually, let alone not correcting it!

Some of my (adult) boys have long hair. One from childhood as they always wanted to have long hair from a child. Newsflash is they (born male), identify as a guy, want to continue as a guy, and like girls in the romantic sense.

Oh for goodness sake.

My child is 3!

He's not a bully

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair.

Can't believe some of the comments so far on this thread 🙄

reiterated that we don’t tease other kids and that it’s not kind to pass comment on others appearance

I think that's a strange response. You have instilled that there was 'something' to tease the kid about or comment about.

Surely you would just explain that boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair.

If the comments upset the boy then the parents were right to bring it up.

In this world of transing kids, the sooner they learn the facts the better.

Ime it’s common for South Asian parents to shave their DD’s heads when they are young as they believe that the hair will grow thicker and healthier.

I'm pretty sure the child in question will feel differently.

He doesn't 'quite rightly' think it. He's been taught it.

From who?!

YABU. You have a sexist child who enjoys making mean comments to others (and who is about 40 years out of date on cultural norms). Of course the nursery intervened.

The problem is you haven’t bothered to parent your children properly. If my child said “pink is for girls” or “long hair is for girls” then I’d be sitting him down and giving him a massive lecture about sexism and if he was old enough to hold a pen he’d be given 15 lines to write out of something like “People can wear whatever colour they like.” or “I will not be rude to others.” No sugar or screen of any kind until the lines are done.

Just to let you know, if you’re not strict with your 3 year old, you end up with an absolute arsehold of a teen and a sexist pig of a man. You have a tiny handful of years in which you can make a permanent difference to his personality. Don’t waste them.

I was so strict on my DC when they were 3 because I’ve seen what happens if you don’t bother. Now everyone is all “Oh you’re so lucky your children are so sweet, mine just aren’t like that” but it was incredibly hard work when they were age 2-3!

OP: Repeatedly having a go at someone for looking different to what you consider (wrongly) to be the 'norm' and continuing to do so even when told it's not OK - yeah, that's bullying.

Kimberley Clark

How many little girls with short hair do you see?

Quite a few. Here in the NW, short hair for little girls seems to be quite popular, lots of South Asian little girls in particular. I love it 🤷‍♀️

Ok then.

But clearly, OP, it isn’t a case of ‘quite rightly’ (ffs 🙄) as this boy doesn’t have short hair and does have long hair.

Your prejudice is very much showing.

@Dantedisciple He's a boy who needs a haircut, but it would be rude to say that he needs a haircut so you are left with he is a boy

Can you explain why you think the boy needs a haircut? Is it so you, an adult, won’t get confused and mistake him for a girl? That seems to be a you problem!

You are being very unreasonable. Your child might do this once by mistake but once corrected, to carry on is unkind. Why are you upholding his stereotypical view rather than challenging it? You seem to have missed the point somewhere along the way I feel.

YABU. Your child knew exactly what he was doing and is a bully.

You’re being very odd. What has hair length got to do with anything?

@mrsfinch6

He is a very young child who (quite rightly) thinks that boys have short hair and girls have long hair

The answer to your conundrum is in the “quite rightly” part. You have clearly encouraged these outdated views. Your kids are going to really struggle if they go through life believing that there are prescribed haircuts for boys and girls.

That mindset hasn’t been common for at least 60 years. You are not doing your children a favour here.

There is a difference between accidentally mistaking someone for a girl and continuing calling someone a girl when you know they aren’t. My son has always had long hair(he’s a teen now) and has been mistaken for a girl many many times, that’s always been fine but of course I would have spoken to nursery/school/whatever if it was a continuous thing.

You need to work on your sons set gender stereotypes, it will do him a favour in the long run.