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AIBU?

SIL sending a message through bday card ?

196 replies

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:04

A while ago, it was one of my children's birthdays and I had some cards on display.

I always display them for a few days and then file them away. Eventually they get lost in the house and some get thrown out.

Mil was looking at the cards and I said that I do love cards but also don't like them, because it makes me sad to throw them away. I'm not British, neither is MIL and in our cultures, cards aren't a big thing.

MIL said she understood what I meant and that she also had to get used to the card thing in this country when she moved here.

She seemed a bit miffed though when I said I throw them away and said I should keep the ones she and her children ( aunts and uncles to my kids ) give them, for when they grow up.

Then a few weeks later she was at my house for some reason, I can't remember why and I had already got rid of the cards, but had stacked some of them away in some obscure cupboard.


When I came back, she had taken the cards that she and her children had given out of the stack and put them on display. I thought that was really really strange and kind of like a message or something. There were a good 20 cards in the stack.

Anyway, recently it's been another birthday and my SIL gave a card of course and when I read the inside it said ' I hope you'll read this card when you're older '... or something to that effect.

Am I being paranoid that she's spoken to MIL and they're miffed that I have thrown some of their cards away for the children ?

I have some knocking around but I definitely haven't made some sort of memory box of cards from auntie and grandma.

OP posts:
BIinkii · 23/01/2024 11:05

That's ridiculous of them!

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:10

MIL is a super sentimental person and has literally kept everything from her children's childhoods. So many toys, clothes etc. baby beds, prams, cups, sheets, towels etc etc etc

She has a big attic so everything is in there. I don't have that much space, so I can't keep that much stuff.

I'll keep some items, but I just can't keep that much.

OP posts:
TheDevilGun · 23/01/2024 11:13

I've never heard of anyone saving cards to give to kids when they are older, fine if it's something you want to do OP but don't be railroaded into it

StBrides · 23/01/2024 11:15

Yanbu

And your MIL is being nuts

How dare she go through your cupboards?

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:15

TheDevilGun · 23/01/2024 11:13

I've never heard of anyone saving cards to give to kids when they are older, fine if it's something you want to do OP but don't be railroaded into it

Do you think SIL and MIL have talked about the fact I haven't kept all their cards ?

OP posts:
Projectme · 23/01/2024 11:17

Yes, they definitely have discussed it OP.

You do want you want to do with the cards; keep them or throw them. It's entirely up to you.

But what the heck was your MIL doing going through your cupboards and then putting cards back up?!!? What did you say to her at the time?

TheDevilGun · 23/01/2024 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:19

Projectme · 23/01/2024 11:17

Yes, they definitely have discussed it OP.

You do want you want to do with the cards; keep them or throw them. It's entirely up to you.

But what the heck was your MIL doing going through your cupboards and then putting cards back up?!!? What did you say to her at the time?

Edited

I think she was at my house, looking after my youngest for a couple of hours and was probably trying to cook something. She probably came across the cards in one obscure cupboard at work he back in my kitchen.

She didn't put all the cards on display. She picked out the ones from her / her kids and put those on display. Sorry if I made it sounds like she was looking through my cupboards. Although the cards were in an obscure place, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt that she came across them, while looking for something else.

OP posts:
LadyBird1973 · 23/01/2024 11:21

It's very rude of your mil to go through your shelves and put out on display the things that she thinks should be out.
Yanbu to bin cards - I've kept some but if I kept all cards and gifts that relatives bought, we wouldn't be able to get through the front door - we'd be drowning in stuff!

Your house, your rules - bin whatever you want to bin!

Coyoacan · 23/01/2024 11:22

I'm helping to look after an elderly friend who is a hoarder. Her house is horrible. Do not hoard rubbish please.

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:23

Projectme · 23/01/2024 11:17

Yes, they definitely have discussed it OP.

You do want you want to do with the cards; keep them or throw them. It's entirely up to you.

But what the heck was your MIL doing going through your cupboards and then putting cards back up?!!? What did you say to her at the time?

Edited

I didn't really say anything. I sent her a pic of one of the cards and it was a really funny card, and just said ' how did that get here ? '

She just laughed and said she didn't know and then laughed at the card, because it was a funny card. Then I just left it.

OP posts:
coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:25

Coyoacan · 23/01/2024 11:22

I'm helping to look after an elderly friend who is a hoarder. Her house is horrible. Do not hoard rubbish please.

MIL has a very big house, so she has a lot of space. But the house is full to the brim of stuff. She finds it very hard to part with things, which is common.

My DH is like this a bit and I have to fight him all the time to get rid of baby stuff we no longer need. He also gets angry that we would just give away the cot we had for our kids. His parents still have the cot they slept in and entire bedrooms they had as kids etc etc.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 23/01/2024 11:27

I'd tell her that you only save the really special ones, generic birthday cards don't make the cut.. but then I'd have had 'words' with her about going through cupboards and then passively aggressively putting them up when I wasn't there anyway!

I think she's trying to assert her dominance. Have you got a shredder? Next time she does it you could take them down in front of her and run them through the shredder while maintaining eye contact with her.

jay55 · 23/01/2024 11:29

Your MIL doesn't get to hoard in your house.

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:30

I think she's trying to assert her dominance. Have you got a shredder? Next time she does it you could take them down in front of her and run them through the shredder while maintaining eye contact with her.

This would be savage😂

I wouldn't ever do it.

But I did get so pissed off ( alone ).. I ripped them up and put them in the bin.

I feel pretty bad that I did that.

OP posts:
Fourecks · 23/01/2024 11:32

Even as someone who does keep cards from close family and friends, I agree your MIL is out of order. She does sound like a hoarder and she shouldn't be choosing what to display in your house.

Ooh, maybe you could solve the problem by bundling up the cards after you're finished displaying them and take them to her house to store 😅

AllFunAndGamesUntilYoureRunningForTheLastTrain · 23/01/2024 11:32

TheDevilGun · 23/01/2024 11:13

I've never heard of anyone saving cards to give to kids when they are older, fine if it's something you want to do OP but don't be railroaded into it

When I was young a friend and her siblings used to stick cards from relatives in a scrap book. They would get them out periodically to look at. This was late 70’s early 80’s. I doubt they still have them now mind.

ChaToilLeam · 23/01/2024 11:34

If she wants you to keep them for when the kids are older then she can store them at HER house. The kids won’t have any interest when they are older anyway.

Sentimental hoarding with added guilt trips drives me nuts.

sandyhappypeople · 23/01/2024 11:35

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:30

I think she's trying to assert her dominance. Have you got a shredder? Next time she does it you could take them down in front of her and run them through the shredder while maintaining eye contact with her.

This would be savage😂

I wouldn't ever do it.

But I did get so pissed off ( alone ).. I ripped them up and put them in the bin.

I feel pretty bad that I did that.

But I did get so pissed off ( alone ).. I ripped them up and put them in the bin.

Oh well done, good for you OP! 👏

If you can't be savage outwardly, then you can certainly do it in private! Watch out for any other dominating behaviours now though, sometimes when they test the water and don't get pushed back it can escalate.. she'll be rearranging you knicker drawer in no time.

emmaempenadas · 23/01/2024 11:37

That's ridiculous.

coliecup · 23/01/2024 11:37

It also annoys me that she has made herself and her children the most important card givers.

Fuck everyone else's cards. We are the most important people here. It's just annoying.

OP posts:
CactusMactus · 23/01/2024 11:39

We cut all ours up and make new cards to give to people. We quite often give people bits of card they have given us! I think it's a nice way of making a bit more joy out of something that would normally end up in the recycling bin!

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 23/01/2024 11:54

No child is going to thank you for presenting them on their 18th birthday with a box of old birthday cards.

WotNoUserName · 23/01/2024 11:55

I started keeping cards. Then I realised now ridiculous it would get with 5 kids and 18 years of birthdays till they were adult. Nah, my house is cluttered enough without hundreds of cards!

GoingDownLikeBHS · 23/01/2024 11:55

@sandyhappypeople love your idea - I think we should be friends, bring your shredder!!

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