SIL sending a message through bday card ?

[coliecup]

A while ago, it was one of my children's birthdays and I had some cards on display.

I always display them for a few days and then file them away. Eventually they get lost in the house and some get thrown out.

Mil was looking at the cards and I said that I do love cards but also don't like them, because it makes me sad to throw them away. I'm not British, neither is MIL and in our cultures, cards aren't a big thing.

MIL said she understood what I meant and that she also had to get used to the card thing in this country when she moved here.

She seemed a bit miffed though when I said I throw them away and said I should keep the ones she and her children ( aunts and uncles to my kids ) give them, for when they grow up.

Then a few weeks later she was at my house for some reason, I can't remember why and I had already got rid of the cards, but had stacked some of them away in some obscure cupboard.

When I came back, she had taken the cards that she and her children had given out of the stack and put them on display. I thought that was really really strange and kind of like a message or something. There were a good 20 cards in the stack.

Anyway, recently it's been another birthday and my SIL gave a card of course and when I read the inside it said ' I hope you'll read this card when you're older '... or something to that effect.

Am I being paranoid that she's spoken to MIL and they're miffed that I have thrown some of their cards away for the children ?

I have some knocking around but I definitely haven't made some sort of memory box of cards from auntie and grandma.

I would keep special ones like first birthdays and other milestones. But not every one. Especially when most simply say “To name Happy Birthday love name”

I am very sentimental and have kept alllllll my cards over the years and my mum did keep some from when we were little. But over the last few years I’ve been brave and done a cull and just kept nice cards and ones from my mum and gran. But, my husband is not and throws his away.

I keep all the cards from my DDs and DGC. They handmade ones are really touching. Now, the DGC are older they enjoy looking through them.

My MIL always gave those slightly absurd Card Factory 1ft high cards to my kids.
And made a big fuss about 'Grandma's card is the biggest because she loves you most'.

My mum kept cards from grandparents and parents and I was recently given the box aged 31 when they moved house. I enjoyed looking through them, seeing little messages from now deceased grannies and remembering them. I whittled the pile down to a very select few then packed them away along with other childhood mementos and I'm sure when I rediscover them in a box in the loft in a few decades I will once again enjoy looking through them.
I have dressed my child in the clothes I wore as a a baby, from the special few bits my mum kept, and it meant a lot to me, and also to the relatives who gave those things as gifts 30 years ago.
It sounds like a lot of posters are totally unsentimental and that's fine but don't all go assuming that nobody cares about this stuff.
OP I'm keeping the grandparents cards but not the aunts and uncles, that would just mount up rapidly.

I'm in my 60s and recently moved. I found cards from my 18th, 21st and wedding. I looked at them and couldn't remember half the people. The ones from my mum and dad (both now dead) I kept but threw the rest away. I will probably bin the ones that I did keep as I know that when my kids have to go through my "stuff" they will just chuck them away so will save them the trouble. Moving into a smaller house I have had to throw a lot of things that I kept for Sentimental reasons but as they had no value they went. It actually has made my new home more relaxing. Clearing my mother's house was hard work and upsetting I don't want that for my children. Keep what YOU want to keep and throw what you don't. No one else's business.

I have got the odd card stuffed away somewhere.
IMO your MIL and SIL are being rude and interfering.
I also agree with life’s too short etc. However, don’t let them dictate to you about the bloody cards. Your house your cupboards your rules. 😉

I use the front covers to write my shopping lists on , same as Christmas cards

My MIL used to hand make birthday cards and anniversary cards. They were worth keeping. SIL and MIL need to up their game.

Also, I think perhaps hanging on to the children's cots etc is a kindness missed. We were really blessed by friends and family donating or even lending these kind of things. There were expensive swinging cradles that provided comfort to several families with newborns and then found their way back to the original family. And there are so many children in poverty who could be reached through charities to benefit from the stuff you don't need. As the children get older ask them if there are any toys they don't need and take them to a charity shop to donate.

So at 18 you’re supposed to present each child with a box of 300 plus cards? I’m sure they’ll really thank you for that! . Only solution I can think of is to take a photo of family cards 🤷‍♀️ But don’t think you have to keep the . No one does that.

OP it's kinda sad that MIL kept alot of her children's stuff. Guaranteed majority if it will in the trash when it's time to empty the attic.

Okay so I'm a bit of a hoarder, especially with sentimental paperwork including cards. But I also read somewhere that in keeping the memories for the kids when they're older to look through, yes they might enjoy rifling through them once or maybe twice in older age, but when I die, im also adding to someone's workload/ burden to sort through the paperwork and paper memories and dispose of it. Kinda got me thinking and I'm now more ruthless with disposing since I read that

Bloody stupid. I’ve never heard of this. Why don’t they keep their noses out? Just get rid of ALL the cards.

So when she opened the ‘obscure cupboard’ in your house and realised the things she needed for dinner weren’t in there, she took it upon herself to take out a pile of stacked away cards that weren’t hers to look at / open, sift through them, take some out and put them back on display in a house that isn’t hers? And you don’t think this is fucking rude? That’s the problem. The fact that she feels she can root through your private stuff. Not whether she’s telling people you don’t keep cards. Does she read your mail if it’s lying around? Your diary? Open your bathroom cupboard and your bedroom drawers?

No don't think it is the normal. Don't keep any cards. We have vert little storage, so have to get rid of stuff we don't need any more. The problem with your mil hoarding everything, what happens when they passaway, the family will have to empty the house of the contents.

Hi fgs get rid of them believecyou me your kids won't want them they are just taking up space I never understand people that hoarde cards

I used to keep cards when my children were younger, but that was for crafting purposes. They would cut out things and stick it on paper etc. Now they are thrown away. Who has space for that! Plus the clutter would drive me mad!

Totally ridiculous behaviour by them, but yes of course they've spoken about it to each other. V weird!!

I think it is a mental health issue. If it were me to keep the peace in the family I would buy a nice box (a large one lol) and put all the cards in it. Tbh your kids might like having a look at them later. I might also mention to MIL what I was going to do so she might calm down. You could even suggest she keeps the box!!

Apologies if someone has already suggested this but best solution is to take photos of the cards and explain to your sil and mil that this is cos you don't have the space to store. Also makes it easier to revisit cos you can sort them into files. They can never get lost or damaged.
I did this with my kids' artworks. From the earliest squiggles to the GCSE stage. And yes, I have done it with the cards they drew for family members. Not shop bought cards though. That's just weird 😉

why do people expect to get their own way about something that is nothing to do with them? Ok MIL & SIl, do what the hell you like with your own cards then just fuck off.

I have kept a few cards for my kids from each birthday, only special ones though that have an extra message handwritten in.