SIL sending a message through bday card ?

[coliecup]

A while ago, it was one of my children's birthdays and I had some cards on display.

I always display them for a few days and then file them away. Eventually they get lost in the house and some get thrown out.

Mil was looking at the cards and I said that I do love cards but also don't like them, because it makes me sad to throw them away. I'm not British, neither is MIL and in our cultures, cards aren't a big thing.

MIL said she understood what I meant and that she also had to get used to the card thing in this country when she moved here.

She seemed a bit miffed though when I said I throw them away and said I should keep the ones she and her children ( aunts and uncles to my kids ) give them, for when they grow up.

Then a few weeks later she was at my house for some reason, I can't remember why and I had already got rid of the cards, but had stacked some of them away in some obscure cupboard.

When I came back, she had taken the cards that she and her children had given out of the stack and put them on display. I thought that was really really strange and kind of like a message or something. There were a good 20 cards in the stack.

Anyway, recently it's been another birthday and my SIL gave a card of course and when I read the inside it said ' I hope you'll read this card when you're older '... or something to that effect.

Am I being paranoid that she's spoken to MIL and they're miffed that I have thrown some of their cards away for the children ?

I have some knocking around but I definitely haven't made some sort of memory box of cards from auntie and grandma.

'oh look, Tommy is wearing the same his daddy and aunty wore when they were little' 'oh look, Charlotte is playing with daddy and auntie's old train set '.

Then you need to say, 'oh, did you buy that train set or did it belong to his grandparents?' and 'Oh did you buy those clothes or are they from Husband's dad?'

Where would it all begin and where would it stop? It makes no sense.

I've never written a card for my own kids. I know I would just lose them anyway !

This is bizarre but something my MIL would do. Going through your cupboards is really not on.

My family aren’t really card givers so I don’t get it so much.

I have kept all the cards that DH, DS and I have sent each other.

I thought DS (age 20) might like to look through them at some point - he hasn’t wanted to yet and has told me they’re getting lashed in the bin when we die

Same, I still have a few cards from people who are no longer with us. I like to have examples of the person's writing because it's so personal. But you can't keep them ALL, that would be madness!

It's personal choice as to whether you want to keep stuff or not. If you don't, nobody should be insisting that you do. They can do what they like with their own house and contents and that's as far as it goes. It's weird accusing OP of "spite" for not using MIL's old things, that doesn't make much sense.

MIL and SIL are definitely stepping over the line here.

What I think might be a cute thing to keep for my kids is a book where I describe what they were like at different ages. What they were into, what kind of things they would say, who their friends were at that stage.

So 4 year old Charlotte loved cupcakes and unicorns and colouring. She loved creeping into mum and dad's bed in the night when she got scared. She enjoyed eating Nutella sandwiches and her favourite thing to eat was chocolate ice cream. She ran to the door when her dad came home and he lifted her up to try to touch the ceiling. She loved wearing dresses and played with her dolls a lot. She loved bathing her dolls and spent hours doing so.

Sounds corny but maybe something like that would be cute. Or maybe it's more for us, to remember what they're like at every stage, as they change fast. I wouldn't want to forget each stage.

I had a big clear out of cards when I last moved house. Kept the ones from significant birthdays and the last one I got from people that have now passed away

My mum, sister and I do go to the effort of getting nice cards for each other and write nice messages in them, rather than a generic one from Tesco. These get kept. There have also been random times where I have got a card out of the blue from my mum with a lovely message in it, for no occasion just because she wanted to. These are definitely kept as they are very cherished

I do think it’s a shame that you have never written a card for your kids OP but you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for something you don’t want to do

You's are both odd. Cards get packed away yes but thrown out ?? Nah - you just accumulate/lose them over the years, right ?

Get yourself a drawer where you can put everything at least for a couple of years/house moves

My parents kept all the cards they received when I was born which I’ve looked through a few times over the years and really enjoyed.

I also have a Christmas card from an elderly relative just before they passed. I’m now really glad I kept it as my wedding is this year and I’ve managed to get the hand written names of 4 important relatives (who have all passed away) to have engraved on an item for my bouquet. So I’ve also kept a few cards over the last year from older relatives for the (hopefully distant) future for the same reason.

I have also kept anniversary cards from/to my partner as I love to see how we went from teen lovey dovey ones to adult “sometimes you annoy me but I still love you” ones 😂

I think keeping all cards (even just from your partners family to your child) is unreasonable and ridiculous though! Also none of their business- I’d suggest that they do it themselves next time and hand them back every card 😂

My grandma passed and we've been emptying her properties. Please don't save random cards. She had saved her cards and her parents cards. It was fun for the 10 seconds to read a birthday card from the early 1900's but thats. It. Trash it went and trust me, nobody had read them in decades as a treasured possessions.

I throw away cards after about a week. I do kind of feel bad when i throw away a picture of a friends child. But I'm not gonna save it either. I'll save it if it is something special. Like my graduation card form grandma when she gave me jewelry and told the story in tue card. Saved thay. Generic happy 26th birthday? Out.

MIL S have a knack of inducing all sorts of PARANOIA, that's what MIL 's are for. They are the original conundrum which , no matter, which way: You will never solve. It's a Relationship which you want to be perfect or ' ok' because then ALL IS WELL in THE WORLD..isn't it??????? This is the BIGGER picture. If it wasn't the saga about The Cards, then it would be something else. Everybody has their own point of view regarding ' CARDS'. It's not the cards. You probably feel guilty because ' you WON ' The BOY 😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦😦

This thread has made me question my sentimentality! I keep cards from close family. I’m worried my DC will lose relatives before they’re old enough to remember them, and the cards are a happy reminder that relative loves/ loved them.

Definitely your choice though, the compromise could be to hand the cards back to MIL for her to store if she’s so keen to keep them.

MIL is a super sentimental person and has literally kept everything from her children's childhoods. So many toys, clothes etc. baby beds, prams, cups, sheets, towels etc etc etc

To me, that comes under hoarding.

Also, thing I find strange is the physical cards. I haven’t received a physical card in the last 5 years. They have all been either eCards or messages on media with a photo or funny caption or whatnot included. I’m not young, so thought if my peers are doing this, everyone in generations below would be!

I kept all the cards my kids have got over the years. They're all grown now. None of them are particularly interested. So recently, all the cards they got for birthdays, etc, have gone off to the recycling centre. I have kept the cards I got on the birth of each child, our engagement and wedding, and I have kept all the cards me and my DH have exchanged over the years. One day I figure those might be treasured by whoever is widowed first.

My parents kept all of the cards I got. I have recycled them.

I felt a bit guilty getting rid of cards that I don't really feel are mine, but if they aren't interested, I'm not storing them any longer.

Do MIL and SIL keep every card/gift they are given from others? I wonder how it would go if you and DH and your children started giving them bigger and bigger cards (A4 ones or bigger, or the chunky multi-folded ones). Maybe your children could give give them more and more pictures/crafted items, loads of paintings etc, maybe one each week. They might soon realise that sometimes things do need to be "moved on" (or binned) once the initial enjoyment has done its thing.

If you're really worried about upsetting them (or rather, worried about the potential back-lash from them being upset with your choices), you could start taking photos of all the cards and putting them in a folder on the laptop, for DC to look at when they're older, if they want to. You could add the date to the photo name as you save it, take photos of the inside of the cards if there are special messages they might like saved. Or you could scan the cards in if you have time/energy/a scanner.

I used to "hoard" cards but when I had a sort of/clear out and found a load from my childhood/teens, I found most of the cards meant a lot less now (years later) than they did on the day. Now, I only keep a few.

I mean, neither myself nor my children particularly care about the cards when we get them… I remember my mum handing over all my books from primary school, and I binned the lot - less stuff is a good thing!
take pictures of the messages if you must.
ask mil about that card you gave her 7 years ago, you remember it was funny - could she please dig it out so you could have a look???

I keep my cards and I like looking at them from people who are no longer here. However, I feel that people should stop giving cards to people that bin them. It's just so wasteful.

I’ve only ever kept their welcome to the world cards and their first birthday all the rest have gone in the bin

Important cards only. If you keep them all
imagine all the crap you would accumulate. I bought these things called “card keepers” and it keeps them all neat together and it looks nice. Your mother in law sounds like a nightmare hoarder.

She’s a controlling nut job. Burn them

She's a hoarder!!

Glad your tore them up and threw them out

I bet if you set up a nanny cam in your house you'll find she regularly snoops in all your personal things!

Glad you didn't use the old cot. Many of them are unsafe.

I have probably a handful of old cards as in 6 or 7 total.
One my late husband drew for me for Valentine's day.

I bet she's one of them who could make a set of baby dentures out of all her children's fallen out teeth <shudders>

All that shite she has kept, remind your DH that someone is going to have to clear her house when she passes away.

I hadn't thought of that, but yes, what about your family?

No that’s hoarder behaviour. Most people bin them.
I keep anniversary cards from DH but that’s it.

Cards are called 'greetings cards' for a reason. The idea is that you can hear from someone that can't say it to you on the day or near the time. That's why I think work colleagues giving each other cards is weird. You can say Happy Christmas to that person's face - no need for a card. Keeping them to that degree is weird. I don't think most people keep them. I have a few extra special ones but once I have received the greeting, the point of them is gone, just leaving the lovely thought that someone cares enough about you to go to the effort of sending the card as the greeting.