SIL sending a message through bday card ?

[coliecup]

A while ago, it was one of my children's birthdays and I had some cards on display.

I always display them for a few days and then file them away. Eventually they get lost in the house and some get thrown out.

Mil was looking at the cards and I said that I do love cards but also don't like them, because it makes me sad to throw them away. I'm not British, neither is MIL and in our cultures, cards aren't a big thing.

MIL said she understood what I meant and that she also had to get used to the card thing in this country when she moved here.

She seemed a bit miffed though when I said I throw them away and said I should keep the ones she and her children ( aunts and uncles to my kids ) give them, for when they grow up.

Then a few weeks later she was at my house for some reason, I can't remember why and I had already got rid of the cards, but had stacked some of them away in some obscure cupboard.

When I came back, she had taken the cards that she and her children had given out of the stack and put them on display. I thought that was really really strange and kind of like a message or something. There were a good 20 cards in the stack.

Anyway, recently it's been another birthday and my SIL gave a card of course and when I read the inside it said ' I hope you'll read this card when you're older '... or something to that effect.

Am I being paranoid that she's spoken to MIL and they're miffed that I have thrown some of their cards away for the children ?

I have some knocking around but I definitely haven't made some sort of memory box of cards from auntie and grandma.

People like your MIL are so solipsistic. They can’t conceive of other families having different cultures or that there isn’t always a “best way”, that best way being theirs. Difference is a threat and a defiance, not just difference.

I’ve got one of them.

You know what will happen if you save the birthday cards and then try and give them to your kids when they grow up? They'll bin them lol. If you think it's become a thing then just say you're gonna start keeping them and lie to her. How's she gonna know what you're storing in your loft.

I don't see why I need to appease her. Especially not after how she's behaved.

It's absolutely outrageous she took those cards out and displayed them. That's not normal. It's so out of order.

I'm not going to have an argument about it. But I won't tell her what I'm doing with her cards either.

I never kept cards sent to my kids. I could just imagine their faces if I presented a load of cards to them when they were 18 🤣🤣🤣

Why would the kids be the slightest bit interested in reading old cards when they’re older. The only purpose of cards for kids is to have money in them 😁

I have kept some cards from my christening, birthdays, Christmas, leaving, engagement, wedding, anniversary etc. I have a box file of space that I am prepared to give these sentimental items. I keep the "best" - these tend to be ones with messages. I like having the handwriting of my now deceased grandparents, for example. I don't reread them often but I find them reassuring. I have decluttered them down in the last 5 years or so.
My husband doesn't keep anything like that.
We don't have children. If we did, I would probably do a system of a memory box file and only keep 1 from each person/ if a special event/message and be prepared to keep it to a finite space.
Nowadays, I think less cards are given. I'm tempted to keep last years Christmas cards and just reuse them- this is what my dad does with cards- he kept one from each of us and told us not to bother cos he will use the one from last year :)
I've also seen siblings send the same card back and forth over years.
Whatever you want to do is up to you. You could always let you ILs know what you intend to do e.g. throw them so if THEY want to collate and store them THEY could?

Also, I love your idea of recording what they were like in a notebook. Maybe do a birthday notebook and add to it each year- describe the party/take a photo of the cake etc, to supplement it? I think that would be a lovely idea and gift to your children when they are older.

Yes that is majorly overstepping!
I kept the cards we got sent when my kids were born, the ones that say "congratulations on the birth of little charlotte" etc...
But not every birthday!!

I have some pinking shears (zigzag scissors) and I cut up old cards into gift labels --> recycling! :)
Learnt this from my mum. who loves guinea pigs btw and always sends guine pig themed christmas cards. This christmas I managed to give her a gift with a guinea pig label from last year's card!

Throw them all away and take photos of the ones you really like. Or don't, and just tell them you have.

Ask her if she'd like to keep a box at her house and she can store them for the grandchildren xxx

🤣 the shredder/eye contact comment has made my day 😂

It definitely sounds like something was said to the SIL alright.
My DH has the one or two cards he got from his parents or grandparents and it is a nice keepsake. I've got the odd item from my late father which was given to him by his relations (going on 100 yrs old now) which is cool too I think.
I wouldn't be keeping them from every year for every child from every relation mind you but the odd one on a big birthday or occasion might be nice, especially if it's dated or something special was written in it.
If you're happier throwing them out then throw them out, our houses can only hold so much crap.

Yes ! I've just ordered a book and photos.

Now I'm facing my next challenge that could offend the in laws.

We've had parties for all the birthdays but I don't have pics of every single in law with them for every single birthday. So I thought just to add photos mainly of the child and perhaps of mum and dad with child. Otherwise they might wonder why they aren't in a particularly birthday.

So I thought just keep it uniform and add pics of just the birthday child and max, us parents. I have some birthdays where I can only find pics of the child in front of the cake too.

I don't plan to show the in laws the scrapbook and I'll make many more I'm sure with just random photos of everyone. But they could be offended if they see it, I guess.

It must be horrible for you @coliecup thinking that they've been talking about you (they obviously have discussed the card situation) behind your back and you must be wondering what was said, how it was said, and what else has been said.

It is baffling when relatives do these kinds of things but I guess it's because they don't have much going on in their lives.

Let me just say that our wedding album and video was fun! MIL wasn't happy with the photos we put / the order we did it in and demanded she be given all the photos taken at the wedding as she was sure that some great shots hadn't been included. It was a nightmare !

This is what would annoy me too.

And trying to make your children’s memories all about them.

Now my parents are older I keep their cards, say once they were both over 70. So when they pass away I have the cards. But before then they were just cards that I binned. I bin most cards from other people.

This is a really good idea, teenage DD occasionally asks what she used to be like when she was whatever age, and of course I've forgotten... Smaller and more annoying ?

My mil keep a huge amount of cards, momentos, art work, medals etc for her children. None of them wanted any of it. The whole lot weren't in the bin after clogging up her house for 30 years.

Just bin the cards now and ignore the in-laws. They're being ridiculous.

I think you should do the scrap book thinking only of what your child will like. Don't overthink who you include/exclude. It is coming from a place of love for them so no need to consider what ILs will say/think.
Put in whatever you want at the time :)
I'm so excited for you doing this project- at least some good has come out of it all.
MIL sounds very difficult and domineering. She tried to edit your child's birthday cards to be all about her/ILs, like wow.
But at the same time some photos of them in the scrap book wouldn't hurt either. ILs might wonder why they aren't in every birthday... let them wonder or voice their comments at the time (hopefully by then you will be uneffected by their comments) but don't let that stop you from including some if they are nice/good pics either- you are doing this for your child not anyone else.

Just bonkers. How many cards actually contain a sentimental message, rather than the generic To X, Love Y?!
Burn them. Burn them all.

Yeah you're right.

I don't want to not include them, but they might pick holes in it when they see it / if they see it if they're missing in some and in others etc.

That's what they can be like, a bit detail oriented.

My mum kept everything, as her mother didn’t! This just meant I had to sift through years of school books, cards, toys and games. As I’ve got a bit of a tendency to hoard myself, it was very difficult of what to do with everything. My husband has a very different approach and will just bin anything, also we don’t have space to keep things. It just meant I had to be totally ruthless (very hard for me) in what I kept and to be honest the majority of the cards went in the bin as all they say is dear X happy birthday love X not that exciting in my opinion, the only ones worth keeping were ones that had a picture or special message in. Please do what you think is right for your kids! Your MIL is definitely being controlling!! X

Very odd!

I kept my daughters cards from her 1st birthday but after that I get rid or save some that she can cut up and use for crafting!

My mum kept loads of my cards and gave them to me. I went through them and kept the ones from my grandparents and threw the rest out. I keep some of the kids now. Mind you I have no idea where they are in the house.