AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

I must be really odd, as i can't see how you can be sentimental re 2nd hand items - i.e. oh look there's a photo of a ( your dc ) in b's pram ( her dc ) or oh there's a photo of ' a ' wearing that lovely blue jumper - which belonged to b.

i would guess it will be the owner of the pram going oh look there's a photo of a in b's pram.

And as for wanting it all back incase you have a 2nd child - it will be 3rd hand by then.

If you don't think you can afford to buy x y and z if you have a 2nd child, then you really will have to realise how lucky you were when you got so much stuff for your first child.

It does not matter one bit if you think this mum to be can afford to buy x y and z - it's none of your business.

yabu to not give them back, definitely, although I sort of understand your reasons for feeling miffed. But she’s only asked for the things you’re no longer using and she’s trying to be nice to her SIL, so she hasn’t done anything wrong. If you do end up pregnant again at the same time and you can’t afford new, there are amazing bargains for barely used things on Vinted, FB etc and you’ll probably make most of your money back by reselling when you’re finished with them.

Why are some people still stating, with such absolute certainty, that this was a loan?

Yeah, you'd almost think they were in the room so confident are they that the items were a loan not a gift. It must have been a mighty busy room when these things were handed to OP!

Your sister and her partner brought those things, why are you more important than her partners sister.

Give them back and if you need things for future children and they are not available then buy them yourselves

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to keep the things that worked for you for the first baby to save time and energy recreating the same set up for a second baby.

However, the mistake was made when you accepted the items without asking the conditions first. We insisted that we would not take anything that people wanted back. I did not want to have to remember that the cot came from Jill but the car seat came from Jane etc...

Since those terms weren't agreed from the outset you have to give them back. Maybe make a detailed list with pictures so you can hunt for equivalent items for next time?

Oh ok I didn't consider them as gifts given unconditionally like a birthday present that you wouldn't ask to have back.

But baby items are different maybe because there is a kind of circulation that happens. I honestly don't know anyone who buys anything new for their baby in my community. It all just gets passed around (some with the expectation it will come back, sometimes because the family wants to get rid once and for all)

Ooh this is a tricky one!