AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

Op you need to hand them over or your going to look incredibly selfish to your BILs family.

I actually think its lovely that your DS and BIL have been in a position to help both their sisters.
I also think the Grandparents possibly bought a bundle of that stuff.

So much baby stuff is £££ and only used for a very short period of time. Its unlikely that you'll both have second babies at exactly the same time that stuff can't still be passed between you.

Well your options are

A) Keep your sisters baby items and lose your sister

B) Give her the items back and keep the relationship with your sister

It doesn’t matter how much you dislike it or how much you think it’s unfair, those are still your only options.

Don't be selfish OP! The world doesn't revolve around you.

You are being unreasonable here. You could ask to keep a few items of clothing that you feel very attached to as a keepsake but it would be unfair to keep everything.

A lot of people give away baby clothes and equipment very cheaply or for free so I’m sure you can replace a lot of these things very cheaply if necessary.

Yet plenty of people who aren't sure if they are finished having babies do exactly that all of the time.

If I was OP, I would give them to the SIL because I agree it would be the right thing to do but if the items belong to OP now, it is really up to her and not her sister who still seems to think that the items are hers which is why I was wondering if they were borrowed, not given away.

Fucking hell. You've been given everything the first time. Go and actually buy things for the second one if you decide to have another.

OTOH, they didn't just come from OP's sister. They also came from sister's husband. And he may wish to pass them on to his own sister

You want Sister's SIL to buy new just now in case you end up having your second same time as her second and then you have to buy new??? That is senseless.

Probably will timing will work out and you will get it back. If not when planning second child factor in buying what you need.

These items are also sentimental to your sister and if she wants her sil to also have the use of them yabu to say no.

Will probably get moaned at for saying it but il say it anyway.

If you can't afford the basics for a second baby, you shouldn't have another baby at all.

People might keep things in storage, but these are thing in storage that were bought by Sister & BIL, given to one sister and potentially can be used by other sister.

Baby stuff dates too. Zero point in it lying in storage for a baby that may or may not happen.
At what point will op part with it? When she dies and her adult kids go to clear the loft and sent it all to landfill?

They’re not yours. Give them back.

YABVU

Your sister and BIL did a really nice thing for you and they sound like really nice people.

However, people like you are why the phrase “and this is why we can’t have nice things” exists.
You are being unbelievably self-centred and entitled to things that don’t even belong to you

you don’t even know you want another baby or when.
you've also randomly decided her SIL is having 2 under 2 before her first is even born.

re “sentimentality”
I can believe you might want to keep 2 or 3 outfits … maybe a fave small toy?…. But i cannot believe ANYONE is truly sentimental about a pram, a born bouncer or a high chair.

If the original offer had been clearly expressed as a loan, to be returned when finished with, would you still have accepted it?

I think you can probably cross the bridge of a second child when you get to it. It might not happen, or it might time right with the other family's children, or there will be someone else getting rid of their stuff at the right time. Quite a lot of stuff comes up on local sale/freebies sites, and if things keep moving rather than being sat in lofts, it probably works out better for everyone.

If there are some items of clothing where you'd really like to be able to have photos of DC2 in the same as DC1 wore, I wouldn't have thought they'd be that bothered if you hang on to a few things.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

You said what I was thinking! A baby bath and newborn bits and bobs are the cheapest part of raising a baby!
My family shared and passed around stuff a lot. It isn't about who has what money, it's about reusing and repurposing.
I think its up to you though op, you are unfair to use her age and financial status against her, but if you don't want to part with sentimental stuff, then don't. I would share out of goodwill, as we tend to get out of the world what we put into it.

Those items belong to your sister so if she wants them back then you should give them back.

Reverse?

I’m sure they won’t mi d if you keep a few bits as long as the majority is passed on.

You sound very entitled

There’s a wellknown phrase or saying round here for people like you, OP. It’s CF. The stuff isn’t yours, give it back to your generous sister.

This has to be a reverse. God, I hate reverse threads.

Dear god, hand them over. You got all your first kid's stuff for free so even if you have to buy everything again for your second, you're no more badly off than you would have been. I'm sure no-one will mind if you keep a few bits of clothing for sentimental reasons, but pass on the kit.

The way I'm reading the op. This baby stuff was a gift not a loan. So I'd be irritated at being told what to do with my belongings too. They were given to you they are yours to keep/sell/ donate.

The issue is your sister has put you in an awkward position by telling her sil she could have the stuff. You probably have to go along with it to keep the peace

How selfish of you OP! You don't even need them anymore as your DS has grown out of them. If you decide to have another, maybe just buy your own 🙄

I do think that if people are passing such things on, they should make it clear from the start that they’re either an outright gift, or a loan that they might eventually want back.