AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

I see where you're coming from - the favour your sister did you isn't going to save you any money if you end up having to buy all this stuff anyway for the next child. Frustrating, but not much you can do about it unfortunately.

Does sil actually want all the baby stuff?- some people prefer new so would be worth checking what she'd like before handing it over gracefully, tbf it's nice to give someone else the same advantage you had.

That’s the thing. The SIL may not want these, now third hand, things if she knows there are strings attached. Especially clothes where she’d need to remember what’s from your DS, what’s she’s bought and what’s from other people.

In your position, I’d return all the large items and most of the clothes just keeping a few of your favourite clothes items.

YAB Extremely U

The things are not urs, they were loaned to you. Give them back!

How do you know they were just loaned, @Sunsetmom? The OP says that her sister gave her the items - she has never said that her sister said it was a loan.

I don’t think it’s worth jeopardising your relationship with your sister to hold onto stuff you’re not using.

Give it all back as it’s not worth becoming awkward with Dsis. You can find really great things on Facebook marketplace for extremely reasonable prices. It really isn’t that deep.

What was loaned to you, was obviously very appreciated by you. So appreciated that you want to hang on to it. However, someone else now has need of your sister's generosity. Hand it over and wish next new mum well. And then save up to be able to afford new or second hand stuff, before you decide to have another child.

I hope your lovely sister realises how awful you are & doesn't help you out in the future. You sound extremely entitled & quite frankly, like a spoilt brat.

To be honest I think your sister should have asked you before she offered them to her sil. If she gave them to you they are yours. If she felt differently she should have said so from the beginning ie. the items are being loaned and she'd want them back. She still sees the items as hers and as she or her partner paid for them there isn't much you can do.

This

We had the first grandchild on both mine & hubby's side of the family so we took the financial hit of buying all baby related stuff, including a small wooden crib.

A couple of years later, my nephew was born, then my son, then another nephew, then our best man had a son, next came our youngest, then best man had another and most recently, another nephew...

Now I have a crib that's been used by all of these babies (crib loaned & new mattress gifted from us each time) and the new (strengthened) base has all those children's names & dates of birth on the bottom and it is back in our loft ready for the next generation. - a lively little heirloom.

Could be an idea to make the sharing of this easier to take...

Gosh I don’t know why there are so many rude people on here. So much for British people being so polite. If you were given the items then your sister is the rude one asking for them back. And as she didn’t need them anymore then you were given them surely. Here’s a jumper for a gift. Oh actually now that you’ve used it I’d like it back please to give to someone else to use. Really…

You benefitted from a kind act by your sister and now you need to pay that forward. Pass the things back and don’t be so selfish.

@Pinkfluff76 we are generally polite to your face but rarely behind your back 🤦🏼‍♀️

you defo need to give them back

bjt equally you’re being too precious - ‘memories and sharing items used by your second child’ etc

it’s just practical stuff! baby 2 won’t have any idea and won’t care whether your ds used them or not

Not sure! DSis gave me her baby stuff then got pregnant unexpectedly while we were planning to try for our third IVF frozen embryo after having twins. Of course we gave it all back - and in fact didn't have success but if we had we'd have bought replacements for anything we didn't have. You can't hang onto stuff 'just in case'.

But she wanted it back for herself - and obviously we still had one set of everything so weren't going to have a big issue. I think I might be a bit miffed if she had taken it back out of the blue for another family member, if it hadn't been agreed beforehand.....

But it's tricky if you haven't decided definitely to have a second. Perhaps you need to give in graciously.

It would be completely different if the Op was actually using the stuff but she's not it's loitering in a cupboard or loft for a baby that might never happen.

She has benefited from the couples generosity, why shouldn't her Bils sister also benefit?

Actually if she was being very polite she should have offered the second she heard another baby was on the way - does BILS sis want to borrow?

I think that everyone has different levels of sentimentality with baby items. I think it would be kind of you to return them but I personally think once you've passed something on you don't get it back. I really appreciated being given second hand clothes from my husband's cousin.
They were in great condition and used well.

My sister in law in contrast didn't hand anything down even though she had a child 6 months earlier and a second child of a different gender so she wasn't holding into them for any reason. Ultimately it was her choice.

i do think when it comes to bigger items that are costly like prams or cots it's a different story and would never expect for anyone to hold onto them or resell if someone else in the family needs them.

I bet she doesn’t even want fhe stuff

just say yes. Im sure she will want new for her first born. Not stuff that’s been used by 2 families already

I think if you wanted to be sentimental over things you should have bought all of your things. Perhaps her SIL is just looking for second bits rather than wanting those specific ones. If you are so keen to keep yours maybe offer to buy them from your sister.

Not everyone wants everything new for their PFB. Mine had everything second hand but immaculate because I didn’t want to waste a shedload of money. I’d have loved it if family stuff had been available.

If there's something you desperately want to keep- buy a like for like replacement to return to relative IF that's acceptable to her.

Otherwise, give it back, they were on loan to you not gifted.

Why are some people still stating, with such absolute certainty, that this was a loan? The OP never says she was lent the items - she says her sister gave her the things, and as her sister isn't going to have any more children, she thought it was a gift not a loan. So how do people who were not present when the items were handed over know so definitely that it was a loan?

If her sister didn't say 'I'll lend you these things' or tell the OP that she might want the things back at a later date, then it is not entirely unreasonable of the OP to think that the items were a gift - and a gift is permanent.

Jesus youre not using them. Give them her back. I cant believe the "non problems" people post on here