AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

Yes, incredibly. That would be deeply unkind. Your sister wants to do a kind thing, again, and you want to do a selfish thing.

YABVVU

Give them back.

Sorry but I think unless your sister told you 'pass on/donate when you're done' she has the right to ask for them back.

Don't be a twat. Give them back so another person will get the help that YOU had!

Yabu, hand them over so someone gets a nice free setup like you did.

If you wanted to keep things for sentimental reasons, you should have bought your own

I don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do, and I think that your sister should have asked you and given you a chance to say no before speaking to SIL.

However, given that you are in this situation, you would be unreasonable not to give them back.

Yabu. Give them back so they can be used by someone else. You don’t even know if you’ll have another baby.

You are being so unreasonable.

You have plenty of time to start saving up to buy the things you might need. Your sister's sister-in-law is actually pregnant now. You trying to hoard things for your hypothetical future child is selfish.

You sound incredibly spoilt and selfish. It is not your sister's responsibility to provide you with baby items. If you can't afford another baby without this help then you obviously can't afford another baby.

Wow. You want to keep things stored just in case you decide to have another baby.

Meantime, your Sis who loaned you the equipment has asked if she could pass them to her SIL who is currently pregnant. Why wouldn't you simply hand them over?

Added to that, you don't know the SIL but are happily making assumptions about her family planning and wealth.

I guess you could refuse. But it wouldn't make you look like a very kind person. And I suspect your Sis would never do you a favour again.

Is this a reverse?
If not, then an actual baby needing the items definitely trumps your potential future baby. You're not even using the stuff?
Yabvu and incredibly selfish.

Give them back, it’s great they are going to be used again for a third time, much kinder to the environment and they may well be available if/when you have another baby. If not, you can get the items second hand at a very good price.

I read on here once that life is much easier if you are kind. I think this statement would serve you well at the moment.

She’s saved you a fortune. Be grateful and let the stuff help another family. You’re not pregnant or even planning to ttc soon so you’ve got plenty of time to save up and buy your own stuff if you need it.

Err, so you should benefit from free stuff but no one else should? Selfish, much? Of course you pass them on - you don’t keep stuff in case you have another baby, when this lady is actually already pregnant , don’t be daft!

Did she actually give them you or let you borrow them? I think there's a difference.

If she gave them you, they are now yours and it is ultimately up to you what you do with them because they no longer belong to your sister.

If you borrowed them, they still belong to your sister and you need to do as she wishes with them.

At a push maybe ask to keep one or two small sentimental things and give the rest back. Hoarding a generous gesture “in case” you want another whilst another family could benefit from the same kindness you’ve benefited from is quite unreasonable.
you don’t know the sister in law so I think the assumptions about their family planning and situation is most unfair.

I think you are being given a hard time, OP!

I gather from your OP that you considered the items were a gift and have been thinking of them as your own. It’s difficult to part with things that mean a lot to you and that you believed were your own, at somebody else’s behest.

Does the DH-sis have any these things? Some people don't even want 3rd hand baby stuff, especially if they have plenty of money.

I'd say to your Dsis that you were really hoping to keep things for your second but if there are things that are specifically needed then of course you'll give them. And ask if you can WhatsApp the DH sis directly to arrange drop off.

Then send a few photos to the DHSis and chances are, she will say no thanks to 50% of it or more.

I passed on some baby stuff to a family member and when I did that I did it with the acceptance that it was gone and wouldn’t be coming back. I think, as the giver, you have to accept that and I don’t think giving baby things and expecting them back at any point, either for yourself or for someone else, is a great idea as there’s too much potential for misunderstandings, awkwardness etc. Anything I wasn’t prepared to not see again I wouldn’t give/ lend.

I didn’t pass on the pram as we were still using it, and 3 years later I’m still not ready to part with it. So I can understand why certain things have an emotional pull too.

However, in this case she’s asked for them back so yeah, I think you have to give them. They’re not yours - if and when the time comes that you have a second you can either try to get them back or you’ll have to buy second hand - you can pick most things up for a fraction of the cost.

Yabu.

Hand them back. They aren't yours.

Whether they have £4 or £4 million more in the bank more than you, is irrelevant; babies cost money and it isn't up to your sister to fund your lifestyle if SIL has another one before you.

Your SIL wants to offer her other SIL the same generosity she did to you. In your opinion, is she less deserving of kindness?

SIL2 is pregnant. You’re not. She has an immediate need. You don’t. Yet you’d rather stockpile rather than share.

I expect your SIL would think you’re being unreasonable/selfish/ungrateful, even if you don’t.

That's just semantics though and doesn't change the fact that keeping them in storage just in case would be an exceptionally unkind, selfish thing to do. Regardless of whether it's 'right' or not.

But surely we all keep things in storage in case we need them later? We are not morally obliged to give all our stuff away the moment we stop using it.

My goodness you are totally unreasonable