AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

You’re probably adding too much sentimentality to too many items that are just useful. I found it helpful to pick out maybe 1 item of clothing at each age range and maybe a teddy that I knew I would be keeping and then not worry about anything else. You go through far too much “stuff” with a baby to put too much love into every item. Photos and keepsakes like footprints to be kept too so no need to “love” it all.

So do you class any gift you give anyone your property forever more?

Op surely you bought / we given some clothes and things for your baby too?

Nobody is asking you to give them all away too.

Think how lovely it is for the same stuff to do 3 families, you'll more than likely get it back when you next need it.

It’s plainly and obviously not a gift. It’s called sharing among families and friends, and the sister obviously thinks so too.

I don't think you are being completely unreasonable as others have pointed out the different viewpoints that you have taken on board. I did want to say though that may be you should have a think about the sentimental side and try and detach from that. It's so hard with kids as everything has a memory attached but in reality it is just furniture and you wouldn't be able to keep it forever anyway. I really struggled to get rid of my baby stuff initially then realised it was just taking up room and I was being silly clinging on for nothing. I kept a bag of my favourite things which I'm making into a quilt and gave the rest away, knowing it would really help a baby and mum in need.

OP literally never used the word gifted.

They passed on their used baby bits, that THEY paid for and THEY are entitled to allow others to use, also.

What's so wrong about OP's Dsis & Bil trying to help family members out? Especially when other family members are actually pregnant and the bits are sitting in OP's loft!

No, she didn’t use the word ‘gifted’, @StaunchMomma - but she did say she was given the items, rather than saying she was loaned them. We don’t know what was said, but clearly @Noonesawme thought the items had been given to her - ie. a gift - so is it unreasonable of her to think that the items belong to her? I don’t think so.

You being selfish. You want to keep things lend to you in case instead of passing back to rightful owner for a baby on it's way. Yabu.

So sister & her husband gave you their baby items; her sister & his SIL.

Now they want to pass them to his sister, your sister's SIL.

Why can't his sister have the items when his wife gave them to her sister?

You have a connection to the items as your DS was in them, fair enough but they are only material items; how about being happy that these items kept your sister's baby, your baby and now potentially another baby safe & warm.

My SIL gave me her buggy set, a really lovely, expensive set. Her sister (my other SIL) is now having baby this week & we had always said she'd get the buggy set back. My little one isn't 1 yet so we were still using buggy. It's all good though, we have a stroller to use for time being & her little one needs the buggy more than we do.
So I washed it all & dropped it in ready for new baba.
That's what families do. Support each other.

I can see both sides!

Your side, if it was a gift then it seems wrong to be expected to hand it back. Fair enough if you had finished having children your sister could ask nicely for the stuff back, with no expectation, and you could say yes or no, perhaps you'd already agreed to pass it on to a friend. Also, if it was definitely 'yours' if you are planning to have another child and you had bought it you'd probably just stick it in the loft, plus you might take it into account that you won't have to fork out for baby stuff when planning the expense of another baby. You wouldn't want to loan it out in case you needed it sooner than expected or it got damaged or didn't get returned.

Your sister's side, she likes helping people out. You're not using it right now and her husband paid for half of it, so it would be nice for him to offer the same help to his sister. She was kind to you and it would be nice for someone else to experience this kindness.

Honestly, I think I'm with you. But I would just let her have the stuff back to save the argument. Obviously keep a few sentimental items of clothing/toys. Also I would ask her to let her SIL know that it's only a loan (which is what she should have said to you) as you'll be wanting to use it again if you have another. Hopefully that way her SIL won't see it as hers and give it away to someone else when she's done with it.

Maybe she should have shared that thought with OP when she gave her the items!

I think you have a lovely sister who is very generous. She was generous to you saving you from spending a lot of money. Now she wants to be generous again to her DH's sister. Give them back graciously. She has said if you have another DC her Sil will return them. My DD and my niece passed items to and fro, their maternity clothes, as both are the same size, and the same for many baby equipment like moses basket and bedding, travel cot and bedding, baby clothes and toys too. They both say it has saved them lots of money. They bought their own baby travel systems and cot.

Sometimes we get wrapped up in an idea and it takes others to show us we are being over the top and unreasonable. I'd give your generous sister some chocolates and wine when you drop them back for kindly sharing with you.

They just aren't yours however, they are your sisters as she paid for them. So it is up to her who she then wants to have the items. You got to have them for free so shocked you think you get to simply keep them. That's not really in the idea of sharing and handing down.

I understand the feeling, my sister had given some items including a cot for our first - but making clear they would want them back. I found it really hard to give them back as we got attached to it, and when she offered more stuff I declined. You sister should have warned you she might ask them back.

But as other posters have said, in these circumstances I think their intentions are really good and you should give them back.

I’m really shocked that you think you have any right at all to keep things that don’t belong to you. They are your sisters things. And to be honest even you storing them once your baby has finished with them would have pissed me off if I was her, I would have expected you to give them back when you were finished or at the very least offer them back. I lent my sister in law breastfeeding clothes, and there was never any conversation either about having them back. She offered them back when she was finished with them or offered to get rid if I didn’t want them. I was secretly newly pregnant and very grateful that she asked me and I hadn’t had to ask her, because that’s awkward!!
you’ve been very rude, and seemingly want to be even ruder!!!!

You were so attached to a cot you'd been given a loan of, that you didn't want to return it when you'd finished using it?

I think you are being given a hard time OP.
If you pass baby things on I think you need to make it clear at that point that you are expecting them to be returned.
If your Dsis family is complete I can see why you weren't expecting to return them especially as it wasn't mentioned at the time she'd like them back.
You could have given them to charity/ sold them/ thrown them instead of storing them in your loft.
It's normal for people to get attached to baby things and store cots etc in their loft for future DC.
Unfortunately I do think you need to hand them back, especially as dsis has told sil you would like them back if you have another dc.
It's very poor communication but it comes from a place of generosity.
Does sil actually want all the baby stuff?- some people prefer new so would be worth checking what she'd like before handing it over gracefully, tbf it's nice to give someone else the same advantage you had.
But , if finances allow, I think I'd be tempted to buy my own things for any future DC as then you know it's yours.

You sound ridiculous. Not your stuff to dictate who can have them. Give them back

If it's really about sentimentality and not about cost, then why don't you keep a couple of the bits and replace them with other 2nd hand or new pieces for SIL? A LOT cheaper than having to buy everything first time around, and you get to keep the pieces that you saw your child in.

Give them back for someone else to use . Keep sentimental little things such as clothing , toys , make a little keepsake box. If you do have more children you can ask for them back or you can get lovely things very cheaply on fb etc

My DCs cot was used by them both, then by a friend who had a late unexpected pregnancy, then by step-grandson and then another step-grandson. Still looks great (new mattress for every child).

It seems like you only think about yourself not anyone else. Not yours to refuse to give back.

I'm actually on OP's side. If you give someone things, you don't ask for them back. Personally, I'd rather have brought 2nd hand if I knew I had to hand 'gifted' stuff back. They've put you in a horrible position, making you seem mean for wanting to keep them. I felt quite sentimental about my DC's baby items and had I have had more, I'd have liked nothing more than to re-use their siblings things.
Are you sure it isn't a case of they think you wont need them so rather than going to waste, she's offered them?

I agree, everyone who used our cot was happy to offer it back as they were not having more children, but had my sister intended to have more, I would never have asked for it back.