I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

This thread! Mama mia!

And the word 'granny' isn't timeless. It's awful - dull and frumpy.

I suppose it's a matter of perception - all the middle class grandmothers I know (including my mother) will only accept Granny, because they see other variants as (sorry) down-market. I think Granny, Nana, Grandma, Nan are all fine myself.

My DS couldn't say grandma (which is what my mother wanted to be called) so he called her Andrew. Twenty years later he still calls her Andrew from time to time.

I would never dictate the grandparents names. They all chose their own name for my children. My kids have nain, taid and nanny. I would never have dictated what they were to be called, it was up to them.

although I do know someone who decided they were going to be called glam-ma and I would have been a bit unimpressed if my mum had chosen that one. But would have gone with it

Personally, I think it should be up to you what you want to be called. My MIL wanted to be called granny and absolutely didn’t want to be called Nana. Luckily my mother wanted to be called Nana so it actually worked out quite well. That said, if she had wanted something different we would have also gone with that.

Am I reading this right? You let people on mumsnet dictate what your grandkids call you? Please tell me that's wrong!

Only makes sense if your Italian!

YANBU to not want Granny, I don't like it.

But you are being very unreasonable to want to be called Nonna when you have no Italian connections, it's cringey.

Make one up, I don't know, Mo Mo for Moira or whatever.

For the life of me, I can’t understand how this is a choice for the parents. The only name choice they get to make is their child’s name. The one to have the oldest grandchild doesn’t receive the right to name the grandparents!
I don’t get this “if you want a relationship” attitude. It’s beyond ridiculous in this context and totally unacceptable!

I think often it happens organically. My mother was adamant she hated Nanna so was going to be grandma but my eldest randomly called her nan-nan one day around her first birthday and she’s now nanny. Another family member was going to be grandpa but ended up as grumpy, ironic really as he was always such a cheerful person.

If you do end up being granny you might get Gan-gan yourself.

Yes I just thought I’d get to choose, but Hey Ho! I think I’ll settle on Na Nah pronounced that way, it’s similar to Nonna and may be acceptable! We’ll see, maybe that’ll be shot down!

I knew a gangan and a gamma once.

Don't be ridiculous of course the grandparent chooses what they are called.

YANBU it should be up to you and I can't see why your sone would care!

My parents and in laws chose, we had no say in it, they each picked their own cultural/language name so we have no matching sets at all but who cares! Actually my children were not the first grandchildren on either side so even if parents picked it wouldn't have been us, it would have been my brother/BIL

I think Nonna would just be strange as you’re not Italian? But I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to be asked to be called Nanny/Grandma/Nanna if you’d prefer that to Granny. Both mine were Nanny when I was little and then Nan, as is my mum to my son. As was their choice. I also think Nan sounds more mature as you grow up.

My mum is nonna but she's Italian. It's is a bit unusual if there is no Italian connection but you should be able to choose what you are called I think.

I actually prefer granny and grandpa, but none of my many children have had any children yet, so it's a bit moot.

BTW OP - did you know that the Reply button on Mumsnet doesn't work?
If you want to respond to someone, you need to click on the three dots and select QUOTE.

If you don't your thread ends up with a series of disconnected posts from you which make no sense.

Personally, up to point, I think you do have the right to choose. I mean, some give and take is necessary - eg if you want to be Nonna but you're not Italian and the other Grandmother IS Italian and also wants to be Nonna, for example.

My DH is greek. My MIL is Yaya. Great, no problem. But I do NOT want to be Yaya I've realised and so down the line, there might need to be a conversation as I could see how my children might just assume that I'd be Yaya and certainly, DH will be Papou.

I find it very odd that people are saying it’s up to the parents. It’s your name, of course it should be your choice. We let all of our son’s grandparents choose what to be called. It’s just rude to refer to someone as a name they don’t like.

I thought it was normal for grandparents to pick what they wanted to be known as? Fair enough if it's something like Gigi, but Nonna is an actual accepted name for a grandparent. It might not be English but everyone knows what it means and it sounds close to Nana, as you said.

My ILs opted to be Grandma and Grandad, while my mum went with Nan, and my Dad decided he wanted to be referred to as his first name (so my children call him by his name and I don't). DC1 couldn't pronounce Grandad when he was little so FIL got a nickname from my DC anyway. He likes his special name!

I agree with a PP that seeing if another name that isn't Granny or Nonna would work. If your son insists on Granny, then I'd take a deep breath and go with it, and hope the kid comes up with their own name. Otherwise, you'll just have to play the long game, and if you still hate Granny when they're closer to 10, tell them they can call you by your name.

Do you think maybe your DIL has read so much about interfering MILs that now she is pregnant she is putting over-the-top boundaries in place

Yanbu. But to be honest you will end up being called whatever the kids decide to call you! I called all mine nan and grandad and my kids only have my nan left nut they call her nanga because that's how they pronounced it and it stuck

No you’re reading it very wrong 😄 I said I was pregnant, so no I don’t have grandkids 10 years later. I probably shouldn’t have used the word therefore.

But I do think anyone should get to choose what they’re known as personally, so the mumsnetters of 10 years ago wanging on about how they should get to choose the name their grandchildren call them…. Sure, I agree. I wouldn’t/didn’t get too pressed about it though either way! Everyone is so un-chill these days.

Speaking as someone who has an unusual grandparent nickname in the family here, please can you think of when it comes time for your grandchild(ren) to buy you a greeting card, that you will pick a name that there are plenty of options available?

Otherwise it'll be handmade cards (on sheets of paper that can't stand up on the mantle piece) or personalised (read more expensive) cards from the likes of Moonpig or wherever, just so you can have a card.

Sorry - I've let my personal situation cloud my judgement here. I just wish that the grandparent in my family had picked a regular Granny/Grandad name.

Wow really? I let the grandparents choose. I can’t imagine why anyone needs to control that

Nonna is silly if you're not Italian, so I'm with your son on that.

Granny is v upper class. Does that bother you?

But I think it's OK for you to express a preference. It's your name after all.

I expect you will end up with whatever the child can pronounce.