To not want to lose my only friend over my beliefs

[SilverBranchGoldenPears]

I will keep this very short.
I have one friend where I live- relatively new. I’m far from home. No others on the horizon- I know I need to find more but it’s a struggle. I’m GC and I know when they find out they will not speak to me again. I will not and cannot lie about my feelings on this. Currently she is trying to probe. I feel very sad about it as I don’t care what she thinks, I just want to be her friend. I think people can have different beliefs and get on.
How do I go about it? Should I start the conversation now and accept the consequences?
Should I avoid it as long as I can? and if so how?

I‘m not sure what exactly I’m asking but I am just sad about it. Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks!

AIBU - don’t be sad
YANBU - it is sad and it’s ok to be sad

What does GC stand for?

Yes- what do you mean exactly?

I think I’d say to her when she raises it - “I don’t think we agree on this issue, but I’d really prefer not to discuss it as I value our friendship”If she’s a good friend she’ll understand.

Believing in the material reality of human sex, "Gender Critical."

It depends if that value is important to her- most people can get on with other beliefs to them but for some beliefs/views there is a line that can't be crossed. E. G most of us could get on with people of different religious or political beliefs, but not want to be friends with racist/ sexist ones.

I had a conversation with a long-standing friend on this a while ago. We both had different views but it has not come between us at all.

I think some of the anxiety you are feeling may be fuelled by the internet. Chances are it won't come up any time soon. But if it does and your friend finds out you have different views, I doubt she will want to end your friendship. You probably disagree on lots of things.

I would just keep avoiding the topic or shifting away from it in conversation.

Do you know why she's trying to probe you to find out your thoughts on this? Does she have a personal connection to this?

Be upfront, there's no point hiding your beliefs to keep a friend who you can't be yourself with.

If you can agree to disagree, great, just don't talk about it, if not then it wasn't a friendship of much value anyway imo.

I get that it's a sensitive subject, but if she will refuse to be friends with anyone who doesn't agree with her on this then really there's not a lot of point continuing this friendship. Friends should make you feel good about yourself, does she do that for you? You need to try and build some other friendships. This woman has far too much power over you if you're scared to tell her how you feel.

I am in a group of five friends. Fortunately we don't live near each other so only meet up a few times a year but speak on WhatsApp daily. They are all 'TWAW' and I actively avoid those conversations. We're meeting up next month and I have no idea what I will do if and when the conversation turns that way.

I'm GC too but it isn't something I bring up unless asked directly.

Was there a direct discussion?

Why is she probing about your views?

Is she obviously a 'gender identity' person?

Did you know this before you chose to be her friend?

Gender Critical

Some people believe that what you are born is what you are and regardless of how you dress/surgery/hormonal modifications you do not change gender.

Some people believe that a person can be born one gender and feel differently to what their sexual organs dictate them to be and that actually they should be a different gender.

Just avoid the topic. If she can't then the friendship is probably not for you anyway. I wouldn't be able to be friends with someone spouting rubbish.

I mentioned 2 things to a v good friend and just won’t go there again.
She called JKR a transphobe but couldn’t tell me why. I also mentioned a friends son who has come out as trans. Its quite clearly incel/woman hating behaviour on his part though and she could see nothing wrong with it.
She has a trans friend though so I imagine that’s how her opinion has been forged.

What would it be a big issue ?
As long as people can accept that people have a right to their beliefs even if they don't agree with them ,then there shouldn't be a problem
Either don't talk about the subject or agree to disagree.

This is all you need to do if she's insistent on bringing it up.

If she doesn't want to stay friends because of your / her personal beliefs, it's a shame but it's her right. All you can do is be mature about the fact you disagree.

@autienotnaughty

"Some people believe that what you are born is what you are and regardless of how you dress/surgery/hormonal modifications you do not change gender sex."

You're using "gender" when it should be sex. And it's not a belief, it's a simple scientific fact that you remain the same sex throughout your life. Humans of either sex can dress, behave, present however they like regardless of sex. Including body modifications/hormones to make them superficially appear similar to the opposite sex.

People who are critical of gender think that the stereotypes, expectations and restrictions etc placed on people by society because of their sex, should not be imposed on them.

If she asks you directly then be prepared with an answer and if she is true friendship material you can get past it.

”I support gender non-conforming people completely, because patriarchal stereotypes confine us all. I also believe it’s not possible to actually change sex and that means women’s rights need to be protected in terms of sports/prisons/women’s spaces.”

Something like that?

Why do you believe this issue is so important to her?
To the point she is repeatedly trying to raise it.

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to be friends with someone who's morals are very different to your own.

Even if I really liked someone, I don't think I could put it aside if I found out they were racist, or something like that. I assume that is how your friend will feel about opposition to trans rights.

There's no point in hiding it, I wouldn't have thought. Time for an honest conversation and see how things go. It might be that you are just too different.

This is a good answer.
I have a friend who loves drag queens and she knows that I abhor them. We avoid the subject.
I have a feeling that she thinks TWAW but I deliberately don't mention the subject because I don't want us to fall out over it.

It's a bit of a weird friendship if it ends over something like that.

I mean realistically, how often is it going to come up in conversation, and why can't you just both agree not to discuss it?