To not want to lose my only friend over my beliefs

[SilverBranchGoldenPears]

I will keep this very short.
I have one friend where I live- relatively new. I’m far from home. No others on the horizon- I know I need to find more but it’s a struggle. I’m GC and I know when they find out they will not speak to me again. I will not and cannot lie about my feelings on this. Currently she is trying to probe. I feel very sad about it as I don’t care what she thinks, I just want to be her friend. I think people can have different beliefs and get on.
How do I go about it? Should I start the conversation now and accept the consequences?
Should I avoid it as long as I can? and if so how?

I‘m not sure what exactly I’m asking but I am just sad about it. Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks!

AIBU - don’t be sad
YANBU - it is sad and it’s ok to be sad

Unless she is deeply invested, trans friend, family member etc, it’s just something you should agreed to disagree on?

Overbearing much? You don't get to tell other people what they should, or shouldn't, feel comfortable with. I've struggled with womangender all my life. All that talk about supposedly feminine traits dizzy and disoriented - and I've lived and worked in expat settings and attended international women's clubs full of trailing spouses where stereotypes abound. You don't get to tell me I need to fit into the femininity box just because I don't have body perception issues and know that - willy-nilly - I'm stuck the way I was born.

You're also incredibly naive in that "just put cubicles everywhere" approach. Those of us who don't live in prudish Britain are fully used and comfortable with single-sex nudity. Every gym I've ever used has communal changing (no cubicles) next to communal showers (no cubicles) next to a small sauna, with women frequently going back and forth between all three. Setting up cubicles for all of this would bankrupt the gym or double or triple my already high fees. It would also be claustrophobic and dystopia, and would completely destroy the lovely camaraderie that exists at present. Not to mention you'd still have to somehow get from one cubicle to the other and back, presumably carrying an armful of clothes to get soaked. Fuck that, I CBA.

But since you say men won't want access anyway and it's all incredibly rare I fail to see why you'd object to just leaving provision single-sex while providing small individual third spaces for those in need. Seems like win win for everybody.

Quite! There wouldn't be such a strain on social services, refuges, prisons, police, probation and domestic violence counsellors if only that were the case!

How does the above fit with the protected religious beliefs of those from Islamic, Muslim and orthodox Jewish cultures?

I’m GC but I would mainly keep my opinions to myself to avoid conflict unless I know I’m discussing it with like minded people.

Some people only want to start these types of conversations in the hopes of starting an argument…. Is she trying to do that? ……if she is, she is probably not a true friend

I’d avoid talking about it. Surely that is manageable?! I don’t seem to talk about this ever with my friends

I think there's a proportion of people who are heavily invested in trying to present this as An Issue That Cannot Be Broached, and I think they are wrong.

Most rational adults are perfectly able to discuss things without getting into a fight.

@Waterybrook

I’d avoid talking about it. Surely that is manageable?! I don’t seem to talk about this ever with my friends

This, if you are good friends with someone you try and avoid these types of conversations as there is a high possibility they may lead to conflict….some shit stirrers like starting these conversations though but mainly I try to avoid / limit my contact with these types of people

Well, perhaps it's time we started talking.

We can't go on tiptoeing about and pretending nobody is aware of the subject forever.

I can't say too much as it might be outing, but when my son was 14 he had a boyfriend who was a trans girl but with the they pronoun. He wasn't gay, so I was quite surprised at this development. He then spent two years telling people he was gay, or bi or pan, without really knowing what he was talking about. He was quite horrified when I explained the physicality of male/male sex. Eventually trans girl boyfriend decided they didn't want to be a boy any more. Within 12 months was pregnant and engaged to be married to another boy.

It was all a bit of a minefield at the time but I did try very hard to understand and use correct terminology etc and be supportive of him and his choices and discuss it. Now he says "mum, what were you thinking, why did you let me post all over SM that I was gay and had a boyfriend when you knew I wasn't". So I now tend to avoid the subject if I can because I am not completely sure anyone will actually think the same two years down the line.

@Createausername1970 that’s a cautionary tale demonstrating the harm that the trans agenda can have on children and teens, especially ND ones. You absolutely did what you were led to believe was best, the ideology has captured so much of the establishment that it is increasingly difficult to spread the voice of reason.

I don’t know what the correct terminology is but gentle non -affirmation sounds about right to me.

I’ve just come back from a day of dealing with usual Sunday stuff. Thank you so much for all the comments I’m going to read through now. I wasn’t expecting such a huge response! Thank you!

She doesn’t that I can tell. I am bisexual and my daughter is lesbian but I’ve literally never mentioned these things so it’s a little frustrating when the TWAW subject comes up as I just don’t get why she HS to mention it. As others have said maybe it is a bar for her and she does have ‚a horse in the race‘ but then this should involve her telling me. Not disingenuously dropping into chat.

I don’t know at all. I don’t get it.
Now I see that she is, but when we first me I didn’t.
I honestly don’t mind her views. That isn’t my bar. I’ve dumped friends for racism before (my kids are not white and it’s nuts to spout racism at someone married to a non-white person). This feels different somehow. I’m dreading her being angry with me and dumping me.

I think you mean they were trans boy. A trans girl was born male.

But if she dumps you for your heartfelt beliefs then surely she's not worthy to be your friend? 🥰

IKR? Every time I see her. Every. Time.

I’ve been batting it away and changing the subject but I can’t do that forever.

Maybe I just get a new friend.

I am so sorry.
I know this is what is about to happen to me.

I did have this before with a long term friend, known each other decades and on a call she started talking about how obnoxious JKR is and why can’t people just stop wishi g hard on trans children. Obviously I was shocked that she thought these things because who on earth wishes harm on trans kids (except doctors making money from it), but now we just don’t go there and out relationship continues but we live far from one another and I see that its run its course.

i so wanted this friendship to work. It makes me sad. I am so sorry you’ve been through this.

I am passionate about politics and suchlike, so if I suspect someone I like has contrary views, I generally don't go there and if the subject crops up, we just have to agree to disagree.

Just to make it cleary

I am GC.
I believe that all people should be respected and to live their best life and present any way that corresponds to that need.
I do not give a flying crap how anyone dresses or what name they take.
I do think that biological women have a right to safe spaces and sports on a level playing field. I believe that identifying as a woman does not make you one.
I believe that lesbians should not be called bigots for not wanting to have sex or date people with penises (aka men or trans women).

I also don’t give a crap if people disagree with me. That is ok.

My opinions on this matter don’t define me and I don’t feel the need to talk about it. I see she can’t be friends with someone with my views. I must respect this. I will have to wait for the hammer to fall really. I appreciate everyone’s take on this.

You clearly didn’t read my OP. I don’t. She does.

I will bow to your superior knowledge.

Your own daughter has learning difficulties and you think it’s appropriate to bully strangers online ? Telling them they have a “low IQ” You should be ashamed of yourself you absolute hypocrite. How do you think that would make your daughter or anybody with impaired intelligence feel ? Ableist don’t you think.

I’m like you OP and it’s never come up in conversation with anyone if someone was
to ask me I would tell them.