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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He wants me to kick my mum out

1000 replies

Areyouhavingabubble2 · 19/01/2024 08:50

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

OP posts:
Saschka · 19/01/2024 08:51

Kick him out, he sounds absolutely horrible

Beezknees · 19/01/2024 08:51

I'd be kicking the partner out instead.

FlappyFish · 19/01/2024 08:52

Erm… kick him out???

FuckingHellAdele · 19/01/2024 08:53

Kick him out.

Actually, get your mum to kick him out 😁

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/01/2024 08:53

He knew the situation, maybe he should move out.

SomeCatFromJapan · 19/01/2024 08:54

You have been incredibly unreasonable letting this go on for a year. Your poor vulnerable elderly mother being bullied in her own home and the last years of her life ruined.
And how can you fancy or want to be with such a nasty unkind bully?

Namenamchange · 19/01/2024 08:54

How long were you together before you moved Prince Charming in?

it will be mum first then the children.

I honestly don’t understand why he’s still there.

BoohooWoohoo · 19/01/2024 08:54

It’s time that he moved out.
I can’t comment on whether he’s unreasonable to be annoyed by your mum’s behaviour but it’s your house so your choice who lives there. She was there first and if you kick her out on his say so then you’d be unreasonable.
You want her there so let her stay.

Startingagainandagain · 19/01/2024 08:55

Your house, your decision.

I would kick out your useless partner...you don't need additional stress in your life coming from him.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 19/01/2024 08:55

Kick him out, you're paying for everything it's your home... and yet he's been there a year and kicking off like this? He's a bad egg and it'll only get worse.

Devilsmommy · 19/01/2024 08:55

He sounds like a complete twat. I'd be kicking him out tbh

Peridot1 · 19/01/2024 08:56

He can move back out again if he doesn’t like it. He knew she lived there. It’s her home too.

quisensoucie · 19/01/2024 08:57

what @SomeCatFromJapan said
And pretty much everyone else
what a nasty human being
what are you doing with him? It will be your kids he will be after next

neverbeenskiing · 19/01/2024 08:58

Run. He's a walking red flag.

I agree with the previous poster who said once he gets rid of your Mum his resentment will transfer to your children.

Areyouhavingabubble2 · 19/01/2024 08:58

This is what I think. He seems to think it’s unreasonable to make decisions myself as it’s now also his home and he should be able to make decisions. But apparently not my mother, she doesn’t have a say…

OP posts:
easilydistracted1 · 19/01/2024 08:58

What a childish controlling idiot. Refusing to eat food she's made. He's moved in and upped the discomfort over a year and now trying to push her out her own home. Your mum sounds lovely. He can buy his own house and hand whoever he likes there. In the bin!

Outlookmainlyfair · 19/01/2024 08:58

as everyone says, he is the problem not her!

Lianna077 · 19/01/2024 08:59

He sounds utterly despicable. Things will only get worse, I would ask him to live elsewhere.

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 19/01/2024 08:59

Tell him once he goes and gets his house he can bitch how lonely he is living there by himself.

Know your value and do yourself and the fam a favour by packing his shit, changing the locks and moving forward and finding a nice family man who has respect for you, your decisions and elders. Good luck.

Vermin · 19/01/2024 08:59

I can’t believe you’ve let him stay a minute in your home after that.

NoraLuka · 19/01/2024 08:59

If he had a problem living with your mum he should have discussed it before moving in, not just move in and try to kick her out! He doesn’t sound very nice, if he gets his way with this what will he ask for next?

PotatoPrimo · 19/01/2024 08:59

It’s not his home, he sounds like a cocklodger to me. What sort of decent human being would do this in someone else’s house? Get rid of the bad rubbish and make your house harmonious again.

HeddaGarbled · 19/01/2024 09:00

Your poor mum - she must be so sad that he’s being so mean to her on a daily basis.

NicholJO · 19/01/2024 09:00

Op you and you mum must be close if she's causing no problems to you and the children then I would be booting him out the he sounds like a spoilt brat under no circumstances be dictated by him what would he really be like if your mum moved out would he still be this spoilt brat or worse

C00k · 19/01/2024 09:00

Boot your boyfriend out of your property, don't date anyone until you've done work on significantly raising your standards.

Your kids don't need some bloke moved in to their home.

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