He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

What? Why would she want to marry him?

@CaptainMyCaptain I spluttered at that as well

Of course he needs to go, @Areyouhavingabubble2 . And tomorrow, not next week or next month. He can find himself an Airbnb or a flatshare. Not your problem!

However, I found it somewhat disconcerting that you barely mentioned your children in your posts. Surely the adverse effects of this intolerable situation on them must be significant?

I also feel you might benefit from counselling, both to unpick how you allowed yourself to be exploited by this man, and to work on your boundaries to ensure that you are never taken advantage of again.

WTAF is that supposed to mean?

Kick him out. He knew your living situation. What an ignorant man! If he can treat your mother like this, imagine how he could eventually treat you and your children
Massive red flags 🚩🚩

Dear please do yourself a favour and ask him to leave. I second what C00k posted up there.

Your children are watching. They need to be around who respects elders especially your parents (if they aren't being mean ofcourse) and definitely someone who knows how to descalate matters like these instead of causing chaos in the family.

Thus giving him a shot at up to 50% of the value of op's house in a divorce.

What drugs is that poster on?

You think she should marry this guy? Are you insane?

OP, I am glad you have reached a decision and hope you are able to affect asap. Hopefully this will now put you and your family init back on an even keel. The good news is that you owe him nothing and can get on with your life without worrying about upsetting people in your own home. It was disappointing to read how little he bought to the home, but most of us have made wrong choices and at least you able to deal with it quickly.

Wishing you a much happier, comfortable and fun future with your family.

Why is he living in your home? How is he making your life better? How do the children feel?

How much is he financially contributing? So important! - If he's not paying 50% of all the household bills, he does not have any right of say over your children or your mother. Where did he live before?

I do not understand why single mothers keep inviting men into their homes to set up pretend families.

Your priority was to set up a stable home environment for your children - which you did. So how is BF moving in a benefit or improvement for anyone?

And if he can't financially stand on his own two feet and live somewhere else, you're not making great life choices. You've just added a big sulking bullying baby to your household.

How much does he respect you? Because you both seem to think you're a doormat.

I’m big man and I can help you kick your partner out and moved to new dog’s kennel for permanent home 😜

Why the fuck would OP want to marry him?!

Controlling bd! Get rid ASAP

why are you putting up with this guy? He sounds awful.

Please leave him

@Areyouhavingabubble2

You do NOT want him to "put a ring on it"!

Get him out - for your own sake, your mum's sake and your kids' sakes. He's a nasty, coercive abuser.

Absolutely agree; sounds like the start of the isolation tactics of an abuser to me.

So glad the scales have fallen from your eyes . I’m hoping that by now you have done what you need to do , your family will rejoice, and so will you 💐

I agree with having a male relative or friend present when you ask him to leave. They could be quietly sat in your DM's living room, so can be called upon if necessary but won't initially inflame the situation with their presence either. He clearly sees women as service humans, so may be more receptive to male back up if he does get difficult. It will give you the confidence to say what needs to be said without fear too, if you know physical back up is available if required. Make sure your DM knows what is going to happen and how you are feeling about it, then have her take the DCs to the park (or similar) if possible when you do it. I suspect she will offer much emotional and practical support, and will be very relieved for all of you.
He needs to pack up and leave immediately - an hour is plenty for clothes, documents and sentimental items. Take his key, and feel no guilt. He has been banking a huge amount of money over the last year so will have no issue footing the bill for a Travelodge. Any possessions left, you will pack and he can collect at a prearranged time.

I agree with a PP, that should he stay and succeed to remove your DM, the DCs will be the next target.

Kick him out and why is he not contributing towards the bills? You must be joking? The audacity of him hating on your mother. You will always have your mum men come and go. If you let him have his way he will start abusing you soon after your mother is gone I guarantee it.

"He is being unreasonable. He either puts a ring on it or buggers off."

Why on earth is being "married" to this jerk so important? Why are your standards so low? You really need to work on your self-value and self-worth! Because he isn't going to be around in 5 years - You'll be 5 years older, with nothing but misery and anger to show for it, and what example are you setting your children? Everyone respects a single mother who can successfully raise her children. Everyone pities the stupid woman who is duped into "Oh, but I luv him" even though I knew he was no good. You only live one life. You're making poor life choices.

Well it sounds as though you don't have any issue with your mother being there. What have you gained from him moving in? He doesn't share in the expenses from the sounds of it, so you aren't financially better off. Even worse, you have taken on even more responsibilities, presumably cleaning and cooking for him? And he has created tension and an unharmonious environment for you and your mother. The answer is clear to me, it is him that needs to be asked to go.

So glad you've seen through him and good job this happened BEFORE you married! Good luck OP

You only need to read what you have written here to know what you need to do.

I hope she comes back and tells us what she's done about the situation.