He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Sorry that you’re in this situation OP. It’s very difficult coming to the realisation that things are not good and then having to deal with it in such a confrontational manner. Don’t be embarrassed about anything, manipulators use shame to their advantage. Stay strong!

He’s horrible!!

Huh...?

Yep, he needs to go. If he has paid for a new house close to your current one so you can care for your Ma fine, otherwise he sounds like a controlling bully. I kept my ex for 15 years who tried to manipulate me (Iranian), its Not Good.

I agree. There are a huge amount of red flags and he sounds deeply unpleasant. You need to get rid of him before he ingrains himself into your life. Complete cock lodger and obviously presented himself in a certain light to trap you and now his mask has slipped.

So glad you're getting rid of the cocklodger OP, hope it goes smoothly and you can get back to peace and family harmony asap!

This.

Get rid of him!!!!

Please come back to update…

Get rid of him!

He already told you it’s me or her so decision made; you only get one mum & her love is unconditional. Tell him to pack his bags & leave he knew the score when he moved in; the goal posts haven’t moved for anyone else & wont be just because he’s stamping his feet, if he can’t live with a elderly lady then bye bye. And don’t back down he sounds an freeloading arsehole to be honest I’m

Terrible controlling man. Get him out.

Get shot of your revolting, repulsive, abusive, partner NOW before he becomes an elderly abuser more than he already is.

YABU if you don't.

If he doesn’t like it he should leave, not my mum.

If he likes it or not, he should leave. He's leeching off you and trying to take over your assets and your life. Get him the fuck out. Tonight. Get the police round if he kicks off.

It's him you need to kick out. He sounds nasty having a problem with your elderly mother. His giant ego thinking her behaviour is about him 🙄
As he's not paying anything towards your home he can afford his own, so off he pops!

“Putting a ring on it” is literally the worst possible outcome. If the OP married this prince of a man he would potentially be entitled to half of her home.

Some people just parrot out “get married” as the solution to everything without engaging their brains.

Do not get married.

Kick him out. He’s a hobo sexual.

This ⬆️ absolutely! Brilliant! 🤩

Get rid of this man… I have no idea why you’re keeping him. It’s very clear that he is controlling, many people have commented on this and kick him the fuck out.

He groomed you, OP.

Please get shot. You only get one mum in this life and she sounds lovely. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly last year, I had not been kind to her because of various issues, however, I regret that now.

Is this how you want the end of your mum's life to be? NO WAY right?

Got a real cuckoo in the nest here. Give him his marching orders and get as much support as you can for yourself and your mum. There may be agencies that can help such as Age UK or the police or social services as what he's doing is trying to make your poor mum homeless which is abuse.

How can you let someone treat your Mum like this? It's your MUM!

Well done for making the decision OP. Do come back for support-though you may have to make #2 post as this is nearly full!

If this means you're actually chucking him out, that's great news.

Hope you're ok op x

If you seriously have to ask this question then something is very wrong and I feel so sorry for your mum. If you really can't see what this manipulative man is doing to your family then I fear for you all. If you don't get rid of him now then he will ruin all your lives.