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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He wants me to kick my mum out

1000 replies

Areyouhavingabubble2 · 19/01/2024 08:50

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

OP posts:
Harrietsaunt · 19/01/2024 09:32

Off he fucks then…

ToMeToYouAndBack · 19/01/2024 09:32

Areyouhavingabubble2 · 19/01/2024 08:58

This is what I think. He seems to think it’s unreasonable to make decisions myself as it’s now also his home and he should be able to make decisions. But apparently not my mother, she doesn’t have a say…

It is not also his home though is it?
Have you asked him where your poor mum would go? Ask him to pay for a rented place for her and if he agrees you know he can afford to move out himself

ManateeFair · 19/01/2024 09:32

I took on a lot of his responsibilities that he would normally have to do in his own home like the cleaning and cooking

Aaaaaaaaand there it is.

betterangels · 19/01/2024 09:32

Why is he still there?!

KanyeJohnWestTuna · 19/01/2024 09:33

I bet he was “nice to everyone” before he moved in but he certainly isn’t “nice” now is he

MrsMarzetti · 19/01/2024 09:34

I seriously hope this thread is a troll thread, If not you need to get your head out of your arse and boot this POS out of YOUR home, that by the way he doesn't pay a penny towards. What next from this fuckwit, the children are annoying him so they have to go to?

GenerousGardener · 19/01/2024 09:34

What a nasty cowardly bully he is. He wants your elderly mother out of your house because it doesn’t suit him….words fail me. Your poor mum, why aren’t you defending her? Why aren’t you packing this bully’s bags for him while he’s out? Your mum and your kids need protecting from him, why aren’t you doing that? Just looking at the answers on here from others tells you what you need to do.

OddityOddityOdd · 19/01/2024 09:34

He needs to go today. Show him the door. If he stays, it will be your children, your friends, your job. You don't need that life, get out before you're in too deep.

Namerequired · 19/01/2024 09:34

SomeCatFromJapan · 19/01/2024 08:54

You have been incredibly unreasonable letting this go on for a year. Your poor vulnerable elderly mother being bullied in her own home and the last years of her life ruined.
And how can you fancy or want to be with such a nasty unkind bully?

I voted yabu, but for this reason. Things can’t stay the same. Kick him out! Your poor mother. You’ve picked yourself a bad one.

Daleksatemyshed · 19/01/2024 09:34

She's your DM, he's an entitled twat, I know which one should be leaving Op

FuckityFuckBollocks · 19/01/2024 09:34

But it’s not really HIS home is it? You own the house. What is he contributing financially and practically?

He’s shown his true colours, I’d get rid of him, your poor DM - she sounds like a fab mum.

SteppedOnStepMum · 19/01/2024 09:35

Agree with everyone kick him out

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/01/2024 09:36

Potentialmadcatlady · 19/01/2024 09:27

It is 2024 isn’t??
I am constantly surprised/disappointed at the low standards women set for themselves after years of women fighting for their rights etc.
Why do so many women set their bar so low?
Your Mother deserves better
Your kids deserve better
You deserve better

100% this.

He's a walking red flag. Controlling. It'll be mum and then the kids will be a problem. Kick his sorry ass out OP. You have a chance to stop this in its tracks. Don't let him get his feet any further under the table.

KanyeJohnWestTuna · 19/01/2024 09:36

Yes agree you have picked yourself a bad one.

TheDevilGun · 19/01/2024 09:36

Yeah how much does he contribute to the bills, food etc now you're doing all his cooking and cleaning

Olika · 19/01/2024 09:36

I hope you haven't actually considered kicking your mum out. Get rid of this POS asap.

kiwiaddict · 19/01/2024 09:36

I've got my popcorn out, so far we've found out she does all the cooking and cleaning, pays for everything, and is apparently considering kicking her own mother out for this geezer

KICK HIM OUT -before your kids are next

Anisette · 19/01/2024 09:37

If you gave in to this he would be shoving your children out of the door at the earliest possible opportunity. Your partner is not going to change, so the only solution is for him to move out.

PurpleBrain · 19/01/2024 09:37

He's planned this from the start . He will want to marry you then after a couple of years divorce you for half of everything. He's a cuckoo in the nest .

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 19/01/2024 09:38

You need to kick him out. He knew the situation before he moved in and you seem happy with your mum being there.

What happens when he moves onto the kids when they're old enough to leave? He's a twat.

KanyeJohnWestTuna · 19/01/2024 09:38

Yes, if you give in to him your children will be next.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 19/01/2024 09:38

I took on a lot of his responsibilities that he would normally have to do in his own home like the cleaning and cooking

Aaaaaaaaand there it is.

Yes.

Hapagirl48 · 19/01/2024 09:38

He sounds like a controlling a-hole. Your poor mum. What a horrible man.

PurpleBrain · 19/01/2024 09:39

He probably knows your Mother has the measure of him . She may have told him .

KanyeJohnWestTuna · 19/01/2024 09:39

What does your DMum think of all this?

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