He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

It's him who needs to move out. It's arrogant what he is doing.

You're unreasonable asking him to just get used to it.

The reasonable thing to do is to tell him to leave. But you needed to expect somethings to change when he moved in and made plans for you two to have some privacy. Not that you'd get much with children in the house.

So are you and the kids not allowed friends over either... that is going to cause conflict for them in a few years - and difficulties for you if you push them away.

He's a controlling idiot. But you know that.

As she has her own sitting room surely her friends visits do not impact him at all?

He sounds like a control freak and if he got you to evict your Mum what next will he start to dictate?

Isn't what you think the most important?

Seeing as it's your house, you pay the bills, your family has lived together well for 8 years. One person comes along and thinks things should change?

Can you see where the problem might lie?

he doesn’t want to come home from a hard day at the office and not be able to relax fully as someone else is there

Totally reasonable so he needs to go and find himself a home where that is possible and not move into a house with two other adults and three childrren who - any day now - are gonna be bringing friends home also.

Well shame on you op for even creating this thread because you clearly are considering it, why else would you create it? It's your home, that's your elderly mother whose home it is too, what is there even to ask about ? The very clear answer is that you need to end it because he thinks this is what you do to your parents. Is that who you think is a good man?

I would be kicking him out! That's your mother! It would be different if he had his mother to come and live with use! That's disgusting it really is

It’s YOUR house that you pay for. If you were married and those were his kids in your shared house, I’d possibly agree that you’d need to come to some sort of compromise. But it’s not. Your house, your kids, your family. He’s not family, he’s a cocklodger. He has no say what goes on in your home. If he doesn’t like he, he leaves. It’s really that simple. As for “hard day at the office”…..really?? Is he out saving lives?? No! Get rid today!

@Areyouhavingabubble2

When he suggested your mum move out, why didn't you ask him to move out?

My ex-husband did something similar. As soon as we were married suddenly expected a 50's housewife!

This 😂👏

Kick the boyfriend out. Honestly, why did you want him to move in in the first place? Mind boggles.

So we made a separate sitting room for my mum and one for us so we had privacy. We also made changes to how things were done to sort of meet in the middle.

I took on a lot of his responsibilities that he would normally have to do in his own home like the cleaning and cooking. It should all have made it easier for him - and us- to adjust I thought.

Oh hell no.

There are plenty of men in the world, lots of them far better than this specimen you've dredged up. You only get one mum, and you're fortunate enough to have a good relationship with yours.

Lose the bottom feeder, and apologise to your poor mum for inflicting him on her for so long!

I don't usually comment on posts, but this makes me sad for your family, this man needs to go. First it will be your mum that needs to leave and Then the control will heighten and will start telling you how to parent your children.

You can do so much better, if you need to question the behaviour, you already deep down know the answer. It sounds like any doubts in the reasonings you have - have been repeatedly planted in your mind by him. I know that sounds harsh, but I say that as someone who has been there x

Well I think you’re being unreasonable to expect him to just get used to it as clearly he’s decided now he’s living there things should go how he wants. Your mother was there first and it’s unfair he now expects to relegate her to her living by his rules as if she is a nuisance guest because he moved into her shared home with you.

Its not going to work, he should move out

When he moved in with you, he knew the situation. I can understand why he wouldn't want another adult there all the time, but that's just how it is. It sounds like the arrangement isn't suitable for anyone, and he's the weakest link.

so he contributes nothing, bullies your mum AND you do all his washing and cooking

Fuck me! Is his cock made of gold OP? What can possibly be worth this?

get him gone

This. I'm continually astonished on this forum at the low bar women set for relationships, frequently at the expense of their children (or elderly mum in this case). No relationship is worth this fgs.

Has he suggested you get married? That’ll be the next thing. Don’t do it. This guy has raised the bar for cocklodgers.

I agree with this. He is bullying your poor mum and making her home an uncomfortable place to be for her. He sounds awful.

So does he do any cooking or cleaning? Or does he expect now he’s moved in as the ‘man of the house’ he’s in charge and you can align to what he wants, and your mother. Including doing his cooking and cleaning for him? What about your kids? Does he also expect them to align to his rules?

Lastly, is he some sort of king among men, to have all these adjustments made?

please kick him out instead. He sounds horrible

Suddenly wanted everything his way and was really not flexible

I presume he's paying for everything then?