He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

This is the clearest case of kick the bused out that I have ever seen on here.

Does he even pay anything towards bills?

Why won’t he eat the food your DM cooks, sounds like you have a busy household, but everyone needs to get along. I certainly wounding be asking her to leave just because your partner wants her to go.

agree with others that it’s not your mum that should be asked to leave

I'm surprised you've tolerated him for a year. Get him out before he starts making a claim on your home, because that's the way it'll go.

He changed once he moved in.

This is all you need to know. He doesn’t care about you or your family. He just cares about himself.

I took on a lot of his responsibilities that he would normally have to do in his own home like the cleaning and cooking.

So he's moved in, gets all his cleaning and cooking done, and is still trying to bully your mum out of her home. He doesn't sound nice at all.

I agree I wouldn't particularly want to live with my in laws either, nice as they are. But this situation is totally different as he chose to move in. I would be telling him he needs to move out again, then you can decide if you want to continue the relationship on that basis (not that I'd want to in your shoes unless he has other very redeeming features). Plenty of people choose to have a relationship without living together, so they can both have their own space.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

I don't believe you're not aware he is being outrageous.

YABU to think this arrangement can work. And a bit naive. But no you shouldn't tell your mother to leave if you like having her there.

So he’s come in, bullies your own mother, doesn’t contribute either physically or financially to the household, and you seem to be ok with this? So what exactly IS he bringing to the relationship? What are you gaining from it? How old are your children and are you sure they are safe to be around him, given that he is already emotionally abusing your own mum in her own home?

if this isn’t a troll post I’m shook.

This is one of the saddest things I’ve r was d on MN.

I cannot imagine being so desperate for a relationship that I would be debating between the partner and my own mother who I have happily lived with, with my children, for some years…

He has shown his true colours. He isn’t a nice person. You can do better and PLEASE do not kick your elderly mother out.

You would be very foolish to let this situation to continue, it will only get worse. Get the waste of space out and continue to live your life on your terms. Your mum takes priority here not him. He could waltz off into the sunset anytime. Put your family first and dump the useless twat!

What a see you next Tuesday he is.

Throw him back in.

Poor women whoever puts up with such an arse.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?
Yes YABU because the only option should be you kicking his arse to the curb. He has no respect for your mother and wants to control her life by the sounds of it. How dare he.

It's unfair to the children to have to watch such disrespect and unkindness to your mother.

He is lodging with you and expecting a lot of influence to which he's not entitled, except in his own mind.

Please reconsider his presence in your household. His unreasonableness sounds detrimental to the children and your mother, and his behaviour is causing you some concerns.

It is 2024 isn’t??
I am constantly surprised/disappointed at the low standards women set for themselves after years of women fighting for their rights etc.
Why do so many women set their bar so low?
Your Mother deserves better
Your kids deserve better
You deserve better

Another vote to give him the boot. He knew the arrangement when he moved in, that she was there and that its her home.

Can't help but feel it would be the thin end of the wedge if you did this because it's what he wants.

Ok so he moved into your home, you took on his cleaning and cooking and he wants everything “his way” yea he’s a cocklodger!!

Once he’s eased your DMum out he’ll be wanting to officially be part owner of your home.

You sound naive, OP

Bet he turns nasty and asks for money before you can get him to leave.

He is being awful. Absolutely do not kick your mum out, and start taking steps to kick him out. He is being so, so unreasonable.

Your partner moved into your home for which you pay all the expenses and is now telling you that you have to kick out your mother who has lived there without any problems for the past eight years and also cooks, cleans and babysits?

Yeah, he can fuck off. He knew what the situation was when he moved in. Tell him to move back out again.

Would I want to live with someone’s mum? No. Would I move into someone else’s home knowing their mum lived there and then demand that she was thrown out? Also no. Your partner is a cunt.

This is painful to read, your poor mum, I said YABU as you are to not be suggesting he goes back to his own space and swiftish.

You deserve better.
Your children deserve better.
Your mother deserves better.

He fancies himself as a cocklodging head of the household type. Kick him out and protect your family.

Or even kick out the bastard.

He’s not. He ‘pays for himself’ not anyone else as that isn’t his responsibility.

What do your mum and kids think of him? I bet they’d be glad to see his back.