He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Wait… so he does fuck all round the house, doesn’t contribute and wants your mum out?
OP ditch this loser and then go and get some therapy to deal with as to why you think this is an acceptable way to be treated

Your partner moved into your home for which youpay all the expenses and is now telling you that you have to kick out your mother who has lived there without any problems for the past eight years and also cooks, cleans and babysits?

This. Why are you putting up with this-does he have a gold plated knob?! Your poor mum, I bet she hates him.

Itll be your kids he tries to get rid of next.

Don’t marry him, don’t have unprotected sex with him and don’t leave him your house in your will. Frankly, he needs to go, the sooner the better.

It's ok, you don't need to keep providing updates on what your shitty man thinks and says. Just boot him out. No need to argue, just remove him.

Well you know why he wants your mum out don’t you OP ?

It’s so he can better control you without anyone getting in the way.
When your kids reach 18 he’ll want them out too so he can be King of the Castle.

He says it should be you and him “controlling” the household … he really means HIM.

Your poor mum and kids !

Why have you allowed this for so long ?!

YABU if you don’t kick him out !

You'd benefit from taking a good look at The Freedom Programme.
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Ask him to move out, OP. It's fine to accept things aren't working rather than limp along for years hoping things will improve. You shouldn't have to effectively bribe him by doing his cleaning and cooking in order for him to be happy in your home. That's not a partnership.

You've made a terrible choice with this guy. Hard to believe he's still there. Can you really not see how controlling this is?

Your poor mother AND children

Agree with this. He wants her out because she’s got her beady eye on him. She sees him and he knows it.

So the minute he got his feet under the table he showed himself to be unreasonable and demanding. Your poor mum. And poor you. He obviously cant live with you - whether you still see him or not is up to you but personally this would be a total passion killer for me.

OP, you KNOW the answer to this (and lots of people have given it).

The worrying thing is that the OP seems to be defending him. It’s abuse OP. First your mum, next it will be the kids, then it will be you, if it isn’t already. Contact Women’s Aid.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

Yes you are. What you should be doing is to expect the living situation to stay as it is and kick his sorry arse out today, not hope he will "just get used to it".

Make sure he has no claim to your home...I wouldn´t trust him a bit. It´s not his home, not his mother, not his children. So he wants to be in control of what exactly?
I echo those above, get rid of prince charming.

I don’t understand why you’re even on here asking the question!

Clearly he needs to leave. Why on earth you are cooking and cleaning for him is a mystery. He seems to have got entirely the wrong end of the stick about life.

The lengths some women will go to for a man amaze me. Surely being single is better than doing shit like this? Just why?

Unless you're from a culture where extended families live together, is there any particular reason why your mum has no independence of her own? Her own place? I mean I'm assuming your mum hasn't always lived with you all her life. What actually brought that about in the first place?

I think you need to look at what you are getting from this relationship?
is your self esteem very low?
Do you have any boundaries?
look inwardly to see what is going on.
are you uncomfortable on your own?

Mr Murdstone without the horrible sister.
Seriously OP get him out.

What do you want from this thread OP? Are you thinking you are going to ask him to leave? Are you thinking of asking your mother to leave? Do you want to work on a resolution where arrangements stay the same but everyone gets on better?

If he were to come on MN and write a thread on this, what would it look like?

I am with the people on here that recommend you ask him to leave, but you obviously think enough of this guy to invite him to move in in the first place, so there must be something there that makes it hard for you to do so.

The point I'm making is that it has clearly been harder than he thought, and maybe it is worth trying to work on him appreciating your position before pulling the trigger.

The other question I have OP, do you recognise the traits some are mentioning here? Bully? Freeloader? Controlling? Or is that wide of the mark and this is more disagreement, friction and frustration? If its the former, give him the boot and break up with him. If its the latter, it might be worth salvaging with diplomacy and give and take.

The word doormat springs to mind. And your poor mum. Jeeze.

Why is he so controlling???

Cocklodger attempting coercive control. OP you say he "pays for himself", how much does he contribute to the household budget?

Sounds like a bit of a dick mate

How grim for your mother and your kids to see and hear someone not appreciate their Grandmother.
Ask the boyfriend to leave.

He is a poor example of a good man.

What has this got to do with anything? It’s none of your business. Perhaps it makes life easier for work, finances and childcare?